Tired

Not sure what I'm feeling the past few days

Just tired.

Solace

Whew, it's the last day of October tomorrow! 2 months left into the year. That is crazy eh.

Anyway as usual I'm getting busy for the end of month stuff so here's me leaving some short time to blog about some great music I discovered this month! Not so much actually hmm.

Great Music of November:

- Treat You Better by Rufus Du Sol

- Premonition by Charlie Lim (ft Weish)

- Unconditional by Charlie Lim

- Sick Feeling by Boy Pablo

- tkm by Boy Pablo

- Missing U by Robyn

- Light On by Maggie Roggers

- I'm Still Here by Sia

Song of The Month: Light On by Maggie Roggers

Right there are a few albums releases in October but... Hmm. Somehow I didn't quite enjoy them haha. Even though I was expecting them for quite some time. But it's ok! Artists are always free to create whatever music they want so yeah. Perhaps it is not just my cup of tea.

Charlie Lim released his new album this month! It's more upbeat and more catchy I guess, even though I kinda miss his more mellow and subtle music from his EPs. But the songs from his new album are awesome. I love Premonition with Weish in it! I hope to see him live one day still sob sob.

Boy Pablo also released his new EP which is a collection of songs that he has released in the past few months. Well Boy Pablo has his signature sound and this EP is no stranger to that! I think it's a great album with the same familiar chill vibes. Can't wait to see him next month in Jakarta eeep.

Rufus Du Sol also released their new album Solace. I love the opener song "Treat You Better" and No Place, which has been in my playlist for quite some time now. Although hmm I don't quite get the album as a whole. I thought their first album was better as a whole album kinda thing. But still nevertheless a good album! I hope they'll come to Jakarta and I wanna see em live woop.

Robyn also released her new album after a long time! Well I only got to know Robyn back err 2-3 years ago I think? When I chanced upon her video for Dancing on My Own on YouTube. I would say Honey is a good album but yeah, I think I need to listen to it more and more I suppose!

Next last but not least there are a few songs released in this month! Light On by Maggie Roggers is such an incredible song. I really love the lyrics, which I find really relatable to me I guess haha. I am so excited for her new album in January arrgghh. And also Sia's empowering and uplifting I'm Still Here which is also a song relatable to me. Been having some rough times this month :l

Alright that's all from me and the new music of October! Not sure why the music this month aren't really touching and clicking my heart heh. Oh well, to more music in November I guess! :) I hope you had a great October. And here's me wishing you a Nourishing November mwahaha.

Fear and Worry

A continuation from my previous post, again.

Now that we have talked about how it seems like the world is function to make us feel like we never have and never be enough, lets branch out to why this can happen. What if perhaps... The world is constantly making us worried that we can never have enough, and never be enough?

What if we're made to live in fear that we will be inadequate. And we're always worried about this. Somehow we are all trapped into this system and we can't seem to get out of it. Buddhism calls it Samsara, the cycle of birth and death. And the aims of Buddhists is to get out of this cycle!

Sometimes I feel that the world is feeding us with fear and worries. And how it seems rather impossible not to have them. It feels like they have become a part of our lives, and we can't shake them off easily. And when we don't have them, people will think we're just insane and bizarre.

Or should I say that when we try to clear our minds off them, people will think that we are just "lazy" and that we do not think "wisely"of our own lives. What if, fear and worries become our "supplements" that we need in life. And how we become incomplete without them.

The thing is, I've always wished to become a more fearless person. I am striving to worry less because I have realised that worrying is truly a waste of time and energy. It doesn't do anything good to the already existing problem. Like the saying goes, worrying is like sitting on a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it gets you to nowhere. Yup, beautiful representation of worrying.

And also I feel that this world uses fear and worry as a tool to manipulate us. In a world where we never feel enough, hence secured, hence stress-free, it seems like I can't runaway from these two words.

Well I can go on and on to talk about what's wrong with the world. There are many wrongs with this world but I believe we can avoid them. And I think only mindfulness can cure this problem. The only skill we can put into practice that breaks away these two words from us. To learn to see everything for what they are and what they are not. To be a human here, and not a human in the (non-existing-yet) future. Not a human who lives in a fraction of our own created thought, that will disappear.

I hope the universe can give me clarity to help me to see through things. Grant me the courage to walk fearlessly forward. Stray me away from the darkness. And when I land on it, 

may you shine some light on my path.

Function

Sometimes I can't help to think that

there's something horribly wrong

with the way the world functions

Being Enough

Having enough and being enough are two different things. Though they may differ completely, being enough is pretty hard to define isn't it. How do we enough being define, when it is already difficult for us to define "being me" haha. Well for me being is just another branch that reaches out from "have". It's about how we feel ourselves as a person, and eventually what defines whether we have enough. 

Have you ever felt good enough? When you look into the mirror and see yourself, are you happy and proud of who you are? Have you ever felt that what you are doing in this world is good enough? Your career, its progression, where you are right now etc. And similarly to the previous post, this world seems to always make us feel that we can never be enough. Always chasing for something better.

Which is nothing wrong, I think growth is essential in life. Without growth, without movement, we're all stuck in a place that we can never get out of, unless we decided to hustle forward, or... Slowdown backward. The problem is however, when the world seems to push us too much and too fast out of our comfort zone. When we feel good enough about ourselves, the world will always try to find ways to make us feel like we're not good enough. And so on. That's my observation.

There are times where I feel that we're chasing for the wrong things in life. Or that the world has designed a path that it is asking us to follow, to chase for these wrong things. Some of us have seen through this and decided not to follow the path and walk on our own designed paths. But the world will somehow make us feel uncomfortable, and eventually we leave our own paths.

People who walk on their own are deemed insane.

Or is the the other way round? That the insane ones are actually the sane ones instead.

I'm still struggling to define the word "enough" in my life. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to be great. I just want to be enough. Enough of everything. Financially enough, happy enough, satisfied enough and so on. But now that I'm still struggling to define that word, I'll continue this journey to give it a meaning. 

Never Enough

Right this is a continuation of my previous post, about how at times I feel that we live in a world that is designed to make us feel that we can never have enough, and never be enough. 

It's quite a terrifying thought sometimes, how I met quite a lot of people who seem to never have enough. Even though in my opinion, they already have enough. I thought to myself, are they just craving for more, or are they just oblivious to what they already have? And how as I move along with life, this is no strange thing to me. It felt very common. Which makes me question myself if this world makes us feel like we can never have enough. And it's a terrifying question to ask, to be honest.

We seem to always want more. We want a better house, a better car, a better phone and so on. Seems like when we're happy with what we have, the world urges us to get something better. Well of course this doesn't apply to everyone. Especially me. Cause I've been practising minimalism. I do not want to get new things unless I really need them (ie they are broken, lost and so on).

My dad once told me that people are becoming more and more reliant with money. Which is why I really agree with the Chinese saying of "Money isn't everything, but without money we can't do a lot of things". And being in the working world for 5 years, meeting people and so on, that statement has become more evident. People seem to... Never have enough. And they seem to want more.

Which then leads me to the question why? Why do we do things even though we know we can't do it, or will make our lives more difficult. Why do we get/want things even though we know we can't afford it? Is it greed? Is it just a irrational thought that we have? I'd say it's ungratefulness. 

Ungratefulness for what we have, craving for more, suffering in the end, and the cycle continues.

Okay continued to part 2 about being never enough.

Enough

Perhaps the world is designed to make us feel that

we can never have enough, we will never be enough