Selfish?

There are days and there are times where I feel truly selfish about myself. Where I feel that I do things solely for my own sake and I don't think of others. There are times, not all of the time. Some things, I do without really thinking of what my parents think and feel. And yes I feel guilty, but there are times also where I feel I have to be selfish.

I truly admire selflessness. The fact that we do not think only for ourselves. It is rather difficult because I believe that we're all selfish in our own ways no matter how much we want to deny that we are not. I suppose it's basic human nature. To sometimes think only for ourselves. I have never met someone who is so selfless. I do have friends though who are selfless, and I truly admire them, and wish to learn from them to be selfless.

I always remember the 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey which I learned in my LEAP Camp back in 2011. The 4th is habit is my 2ndd most favourite habit, which is think win-win. I think it is really important to do so especially when our actions involve 2 parties which is us, and someone else. It is important that both parties benefit I suppose and not just one person our of the 2 parties benefit. I think that's the definition of selfish.

In Buddhism there is also something called the middle-way. Which is similar to think win-win but in a broader term of course. Whenever I arrive in this point whereby I ask myself if my action is regarded selfish or not, I ask myself the same question. Does my action/decision only benefit me? Is the party okay with the decision? Is the condition for the other party suitable too? If the answer to the first question is yes then I will most probably not do it.

Finding the middle way in life is quite difficult. Because everyone has their own middle way. And our middle way may not be in tune with the middle way of others. So the key is to try and align our middle way with the middle way of others. And that's when we truly achieve the middle way and also that we're both in a win-win situation.

Quite difficult, but not impossible.

Sometimes I feel truly selfish of myself. But then again I told myself if I don't stop feeling this way, then I will never be able to achieve what I want. And besides... I think again and we're almost in the middle way situation, and that it is a win-win one too. So I feel better? But I'm truly someone who thinks too much. So much that it takes more for me to truly convince myself that I am in the middle way. I use my heart too much. That's my disease.

Sigh, oh well. I can just hope that everything will work for the best, for me and others. If not now, then when Adhi, when?