Insubstantial

I always hate it when things don't go according to my plan. Especially when I planned everything so well, and somehow everything was going well, and then poof, things just didn't go according to your plan. Once again, I'll feel annoyed. I can't seem to let go of this annoyance still. Somehow somewhat. I'm still trying to let go whenever this happens. And well I suppose today I kinda cope with it well.

So what happened was this. Today is the 1st of the 8th Lunar Month. And cause I was down with dengue two weeks ago, I didn't got for the 15th of 7th month prayers. So which means I didn't to the temple for a month already! :O So today I was really determined to go. I prepared everything already, and I was planning to go straight from the farm, as we usually end the packing late.

Usually we'll end by about 5.30 - 6 PM ish. But today when I arrived, I was told that 2 of my workers couldn't work today cause they fell sick. So I was like okay no worries, I went to help one of my workers to pack the flowers. I don't usually help, cause usually there's more than enough people doing the work heh. But today was special, I really need to help him cause we were super short-handed.

We were done with only packing the flowers at 6 PM! We haven't sorted the flowers so after we're done, we went to sort the flowers. And I was happy cause we're done by like 6.30-ish? And loading them into the truck wouldn't take long. Probably about 10-15 minutes. And then... We realised we were short of a few flowers. So a few of my workers had to go pluck the missing ones and so more waiting!

And we're really done at 7 PM and so I thought okay no worries, I'll be a bit late, shouldn't be a problem. And then.... We had a guest who came over! Yay, so I couldn't leave the farm and so I decided not to go to the temple cause well, it's 7:40 by the time we're finished. That's almost halfway through the chanting so I guess it would be very pointless to go to temple haha.

So I was kind of annoyed this evening. I'm annoyed because I had this "perfect" evening planned out in my head since afternoon but everything just faltered cause of all of these. But I always remind myself of Buddhism's principles of existence - that everything is insubstantial. All of these events happened out of my control so there is nothing I can do really. And I always remind myself too, that feeling annoyed and stressed over this won't turn back the clock to undo all of these.

On the drive back home I calmed myself down. Well I felt kind of guilty for not going to the temple for one month now. But once again, there's nothing I can do. Besides my mum and sister always tell me that what's more important is that I have the intention of going to the temple. If I can't make it due to circumstances that are out of my control, then what's there to do right.

I read somewhere once how we are always unhappy because we painted a beautiful picture in our head about life but reality paints another picture for us. Once again, like I always mention here, we're clinging to this picture and yes, it's the clinging that causes suffering. I'm still learning not to cling to anything. To my emotions, my thoughts and even my dreams. I guess I haven't practised this enough. I just need more practice and I should be okay. Enlightenment is not reached by reciting millions of mantras but practising Dharma till we all die, and ultimately till we all reach nirvana.