Kindness and Stupidity

Sometimes I feel like kindness and stupidity are two of compassion's greatest children. The thought of us sacrificing something, for the sake of helping someone may feel stupid. But at the end of the day, we feel conflicted because we really want to help them. And we are willing to sacrifice for them. Although at the end of the ordeal, we may end up suffering. And then, the cycle goes on.

Recently, something like this happened to me. I won't go into details, but to summarise stuff, I basically lent some money to this person that I'm not even close with because they need some financial help. I thought I was crazy. That I actually gave the hard-saved money that I have with me, to help this person. And now, I don't even have enough money to pay the weekly-cost I have for my workers. I don't even have enough money for their monthly pay which falls tomorrow! I think I'm really crazy.

The craziest part is - I don't even know if I will ever have my money back.

I was frantically thinking of a solution on Sunday night. And I was like Adhi, what the fuck did you just do? Haha. But hey guess what, maybe it was indeed a good karma or something. Everything got sorted out because suddenly my customers began paying me on Monday, and today. It's so bizarre. And I got some help from my dad as well. If not I seriously don't know what to do.

Here's the thing. I have this philosophy in life that I will help you, as long as I can help you. And I won't help you if I really can't. And also, I don't expect anything in return. Because to me that's the ultimate freedom. So even if people say they'll return my money back, and they don't, because of whatever reasons, what else can I do right? I really rely on my karma and their karma. 

If they don't return because they want to lie to me, then it's their problem. I won't make it a huge ass deal. Whatever they do that are out of my knowledge, they do it with whatever God they believe in and them. Or their life and themselves. Simple. Because I don't want to jump into any conclusion without knowing the absolute truth. It is the best way to make me suffer and make them suffer.

But I think that to be honest, the best way to help someone is to help them so that they can help themselves. I don't think that helping someone so that they can always rely to you all the time isn't really "helping" someone. Unless there is nothing else you can do but for them to rely on you.

It is really a difficult situation when an issue got your heart involved. I really really want to help everyone, and hope to ease the suffering of others. But sometimes you'll reach a point where you feel very conflicted with everything and you feel so confused. So well when this happens I try to let things go and hope that life will give me a way somehow or somewhat to get me out of this standstill. 

You know the craziest thing that happened is this. So today I opened a cheque for the monthly pay of my workers. I didn't realise that I don't have enough balance in my account. But somehow somewhat, one of my customers, who usually pay when the new month arrives (for this case, June), paid me yesterday. And so I actually did have enough money on the account. Or else....

So yeah. Kindness and stupidity may be two of compassion's greatest children. But don't worry, their mother will take care of you too. When you treat them with sincerity and willingness to help others.