I know this sounds weird, but there are time where I actually have to remind myself that I'm a 26 year old man. Not because I feel old. But because I feel like people around me don't think I'm a 26 year old guy. Or maybe because my mind thinks/feels people around me acts that way hah!
Maybe it's because I'm brought up in a traditional, family-oriented Asian family, where child-parents relationship is always kept at an all-time high haha. Or is it because I was brought up quite strictly when I was young. So even up till today, I behave like a "kid" to my parents, even though I'm big now.
Okay there's something that happened that made me talk about this haha.
So yes 10 days ago I went to see PREP in Jakarta. I only told my parents that I'm going to Jakarta a day earlier (the plan was to go on the 15th) 3 days before the trip (on Sunday). I don't know why but... I'm "scared" (?) to tell my parents that I'm going to Jakarta for a gig? And guess what I actually told them a white lie heh. I told them that I'm going a day earlier to meet my friend, a secondary school friend from Singapore whom I never met in a long time. Well I did meet Wilus for the concert HAHAHA.
And also I didn't tell them that I am taking a train to go to Jakarta, because our driver is going to pick my worker's wife who will be joining us for the shopping errand on Thursday. And also I'd seriously rather take the train cause it's much more comfortable and also reliable (no traffic jams with trains heh). On Tuesday night, my mum asked me what time I was leaving tomorrow. And I told her that I'm taking the 1030 AM train. And she was shocked. She was like "Alone? How are you going to go to Jakarta from Bogor? How are you spending the night?" and she looked worried and everything.
I was like well mum I have taken so many trips to Jakarta by train alone and I know how. Also I'm meeting one of my workers there (cause even though I know how to go to Jakarta, I don't know how to get around the city haha). I was feeling rather annoyed cause I feel like I'm being treated like a kid -.- I was like telling my mum "Mum I'm big already, you don't have to be so worried seriously"
But well to be frank, my parents are never over-protective of their children. Just that sometimes they get worried about me doing things "out of the norm". Since I usually go to Jakarta with a car. Also there's this weird thought that they have, where I shouldn't do things alone. I remember back in 2013 when I told them that I'm seeing Sigur Ros Live in Jakarta they're both like shocked. They even asked if I want my sister to go with me, even though she obviously doesn't want to cause it's not her kind of music.
Like I told them in Singapore I always do things alone. I watch movies alone, I eat alone and I'm fine. I don't always need someone to accompany me to do things. I think nobody absolutely needs either.
So yes returning to my first point - sometimes I have to remind myself that I am a 26 year old man. This incidence made me think of two things. Firstly, why do I have to feel scared to tell my parents whenever I want to go somewhere/go out of town to do things? Secondly, why do my parents still feel worried about me doing some things, and treat me still like a kid?
The night after I told my parents that I'm going to Jakarta a day earlier (with lots of relief), I asked myself why do I have to be "scared"? I was like... Adhi, you're a 26 year old guy and you should be able to make decisions on your own. You should be able to go to places you want to go to without your parent's consent. Sure, informing them is important too, they know what you're doing. But sometimes I feel like do I even need my parent's approval to do things that are leisure in nature heh.
Which reminds me of something. When I was in Singapore, I know someone from the UK who traveled across Southeast Asia alone by herself when she was 18. Also how I have a friend from the US who went to India alone by himself when he was 20 I think. Okay I'm not sure how the parents of my two friends react when they tell them they're going to travel. But you can see the difference right haha.
Here I am, taking a train to Jakarta, which is like 4 hours of travel time from my hometown, and my mum is worried like as if I'm flying somewhere far heh. And you know what the weirdest things is? They're never worried about me when I was in Singapore! Maybe it's because they know Singapore is safe etc. And also the fact that they couldn't see what I was doing when I was in Singapore (oops).
I mean... I went to Sweden alone to meet my sister in 2009, and I did have my fair share of solo travel experiences to places I've never been before .Even though yes, these decisions are still met with a pair of wide eye from my parents, but... You get what I mean. I am old enough to take care of myself.
I know it's the nature of parents to get worried of their kids. They want their kids to be well, to be safe and so on. But I think it's also important for parents to have trust in their children, that they are old enough to be responsible for themselves. Like I seriously won't do stupid things that would do harm to me. Also to those who know me, I am a very paranoid person. I will usually do quatro-checks to make sure that I'm not doing something that would be detrimental to me and others.
Also perhaps, maybe I'm not the only one who experiences this. Perhaps a bunch of my Asian friends are experiencing the same thing too heh. But well to be honest these days I don't feel as "scared" as last time. Now I don't even ask my parents for consent. I just told them "Mum, dan I'm going to ______". My dad would most of the time go "oh okay" but my mum sometimes will look apprehensive heh.
Well whatever the case is, I still respect my parents. Although I wish that sometimes they can give me more space. We live in a world with contrasting cultures and beliefs. If you compare my scenario to the scenario of people in the Western world, you can't help but to also feel puzzled to justify which one is more rightful? Well only life can find out haha. And yeah, I think I'm still going to give myself bouts of reminders that I am a 26 year young man. Or 26 year old man. Or both.
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