Places We Wander

So I came up with this line last week....

Often times, we let our mind wander
to places it shouldn't be in.
As our ego quietly whispers
"Stay here, this is where you belong"

I was inspired by the idea of meditation. How a lot of times, we let our mind wander everywhere. And the purpose of meditation is to train it so it doesn't run like a wild baboon in Africa. When we are not meditating, we're not really aware of where we our minds are. We let them go everywhere too. Sometimes in places that it shouldn't be in. And I'd like to equate this with suffering. 

And then there are times where our mind arrives in a place it should be in. But we don't want to leave, and I'd like to equate this with desire. A false illusion.

So yeah there are times our mind is in a place it shouldn't be in - when there are other far more beautiful places that it can be in. But as the Buddhist teaching of impermanence goes, these beautiful places don't stay forever either. When we don't want to leave such a place, although we know that it's not gonna last forever, that's when our desire kicks in. If you get what I mean.

At the same time, these places are actually created by our minds. It's like a projection of places that we create for our mind to travel to. Naturally, just like everything else, these places are impermanent. And our ego is trying really hard to keep this place intact, so that our mind can stay here as long as it wants. But as our ego struggles hard, the place dissipates and then we're awake from that illusion.

Have you ever experienced that uncomfortable feeling you get after you're angry about something? Usually you felt it for hours, or even days. This is when your ego is trying to keep this "angry palace" intact inside of you. And it's pretty tiring isn't it. And then after a few days you felt okay again, and you learn to let things go. That's when your "palace" is destroyed and your mind is off to somewhere new.

However when you learn to train your mind, your mind will be equipped with the idea of impermanence. Your mind will know which places to go and which places to avoid. And when your ego tries to convince your mind to stay, your mind naturally leaves because it knows it is up to no good.

We are all great painters on this great canvas of emptiness.

With impermanence as our paint.

And time as our brush.

To be continued!

Aware

 Be still

Right I've been wanting to blog about this for quite some time. I suppose it's a good time to blog now, since it's the end of the year! Well I'm gonna talk about something I've been doing throughout the year now. In fact, something I've been doing for 1.5 years. It's about meditation!

I started meditating back in July 2014, after reading Sogyal Rinpoche's The Tibetan Book of The Dead and Living. Actually I only began properly meditating in September-ish, since I was still meditating on and off cause of my Iceland trip and also I wasn't that focused yet. Well I decided to carry on this new habit of mine to the new year, and I've been meditating almost every day of the year now! There are some days when I didn't meditate, like when I travel or when I'm sick. I can safely say that out of 365 days of this year, the number of days which I didn't meditate won't hit 20 (or 30).

I used to meditate back when I was in Singapore. But I only meditate when I want to. It wasn't something I "practised". Also, after reading the book and other materials, I realised how terribly wrong my technique was. So I used to believe that the aim of meditation is to empty your mind. But I realised that your mind is so awesome. The more you tried to empty it, the more it will fill itself up with things.

The key to meditation is to be aware of your thoughts, and then let it go. Don't cling onto them! I always remember the words of Shunryu Suzuki Roshi who said "In meditation, leave your front door and back door open. Let thoughts come and go, just don't serve them tea!". So yes, just let whatever arised in your mind go, and don't let it go wild like an untamed beast running freely.

To be honest, I was very skeptical and I was unsure myself. How does sitting in your room, letting go of whatever thoughts that came to your mind, would help you. All I know is that from the sources I read, from people I talk with (like my uncle, who's an avid meditation practitioner) and books, they all come to a conclusion that meditation will train your awareness and help you to become more mindful.

I still don't get it. What do you mean by being mindful? Being aware?

But well, I went ahead and tried it myself. I remember the first time I meditate, I was super ambitious by telling myself that I will meditate for 30 minutes. I couldn't even sit still for 5 minutes heh. I kept on looking at the clock, I kept on fidgeting, and it felt difficult. Then I remember Sogyal Rinpoche's advice of just meditating for 5 minutes everyday. He said it's better that we have a good 5 minute meditation than a horrible 10 minute meditation. And from there, we develop ourselves.

I followed the Vajrayana meditation technique. Where I chant mantras during my meditation. It's the classic Tibetan mantra of "Om mani padme hum", which is the mantra of Avalokitesvara, the Boddhisatva of compassion. Or the mantra of Padmasambhava which reads "Om ah hung vajra guru padma sidhi hum". And I find chanting mantras a great way to keep your mind focused. My mind wasn't running wild anymore. And I realised that my meditation duration increased day by day.

I also tried Samatha (calm-abiding) meditation in which I focused on my breaths. Special thanks to Mindah Lee Kumar (The Enthusiastic Buddhist) for helping me in this meditation through her videos on YouTube! You can check her channel out here. I really love this technique because it also helped me to focus my mind and really helps to calm myself down. Especially when I'm feeling crappy.

Although most of the time, I practise the Vajrayana meditation technique.

As for how I meditate, well I just simply sit cross-legged on my bed (sorry no other place to sit on haha). Closed my eyes and just calm my mind down first. This would probably take about 3 minutes? And then I begin chanting and chanting, up to a point where I (somehow) just quieten myself down, and just mouth the mantra without a sound. And then to a point where I just simply... Kept quiet.

I think the chanting is sort of a vehicle that brings my mind to a quiet and focused state. 

I've been meditating at 10 minutes a day now (sometimes longer, and more than once a day). And well I kind of feel different. Not sure how to really explain it. I remember the words of Sogyal Rinpoche too. He mentioned in the book how meditation practice (or Buddhist practice in general I think) is not an A to B practice, where we expect "results" after doing it for a certain amount of time. In fact we have to do it throughout our lifetime. And hopefully carry it on to the next life. So if you expect to become a Buddha after meditating for 3 months, a year, 10 years, and so on, I suggest you don't :P

What I truly agree about meditation is that it really trains your mind. I've always believed that our mind is a very very powerful thing in this world. You feed it with things, and it will become those things. And in our daily life, our mind is constantly being fed with a lot of things. Good things, bad things and so on. And without training, these things can just grow into beautiful and scary things without our conscience!

After meditating for a year, I asked myself a question:

Are we truly aware of what we do, say and think? Because if we do, we'll be the happiest person on earth. We know what to do, say and think to avoid all the unhappiness and suffering of this life.

And judging from the unhappiness level in life around me, I am pretty sure we are not aware.

So yes I finally understood why my uncle and the books say that mediation trains our awareness. By being aware of our thoughts during meditation, we're training ourselves to be aware of our thoughts when we're not meditating. And when we're aware, we know what to say, and not to say, and hence what to do and what not to do. It truly feels enlightening coming into terms with this hah.

I kind of realised too that when there's a problem, or when I feel really crappy, I naturally ask myself. Is what I'm thinking useful? Is what I'm doing of any good use to myself and others? I know being angry doesn't solve anything. So I usually stop being angry about things. Also the practice that we are aware of how our thoughts come and go, taught me that your feelings and emotions also come and go. So don't cling onto them. It doesn't do any good to you.

I truly enjoyed meditation. It is something I look forward to every day. When I'm really really busy, I will try to fit even a 5 minute meditation. But so far I've set aside some time in my day to meditate so... It's all good. Oh I've also been chanting sutras! Been doing it for 9 months now and I also feel that chanting sutras is a great meditative process as well. In fact, the late Venerable Dr. H. Saddhatissa Mahanayaka Thero, said that almost all Buddhist practices are nothing else but some form of meditation.

Or well when you think about it, every religious practice is a form of meditation. In some way.

Of course I'm so far of becoming a master in meditation. I know how some meditation master can actually "meditate" when they're walking, eating and so on. It's because their minds are so trained that they are in a "meditative" state of mind all the time, in which they are aware of everything. And that's my goal I suppose? I don't want to be like some super awesome person who meditates perfectly. I just want to continue to train my mind, so that I can be mindful in everything I do, and hopefully help others alleviate their suffering. Because we're unaware, that we are the creators of our suffering.

Right I'm going to stop here. I really recommend you to make meditation a new practice to carry into the new year. You don't have to be a Buddhist to meditate. Just sit down and focus on your breathing. Or you can also chant your favourite religious (or anything really) saying/line/mantra etc. It's fine.

To end this post, I just want to remind you of something.

Never believe that your thoughts, feelings and emotions are citizens of your mind. 

They are nothing but visitors of your mind that come and go away. 

PS: These are just my thoughts and opinions about meditation. Do read up more about meditation if you wanna know more about it! Even up till today I'm still reading lots of articles about meditation haha. But if you wanna ask me any questions feel free to do so :)

Change

Since Monday, I've decided to change a bit of my habit... 

Well I've been meditating everyday, and I usually meditate right before I sleep. But I realised two things: I will either get sleepy, or I will "rush" my meditation because I'm afraid that I can't sleep, or I will get little sleep. Because usually after I meditate, I will feel more awake and fresh hah. And also after doing a bit of research, meditating before sleep is bad because yes, your mind will put you to sleep haha.

So I've pushed back my meditation time to about an hour/an hour and a half before I sleep. Basically I read that well, just put aside some time every day for your meditation. It's actually okay to meditate before you sleep but yes, I find it hard because I feel like I'm falling asleep. And also, as for me, I put aside some time everyday to both meditate and chant sutras. Not bad, 30 minutes a day (15 minutes for each) doesn't hurt much right? Heh. And we have to do it every day.

Meditation is like working out. You know, when you work out to build muscles and stuff, once you don't work out for a long time, you have to start from zero. Same for meditation - just that we are training our minds! Although I've been meditating for almost a year now, I didn't really "stick" to discipline. Most of the time, I meditate 10 minutes a day. But sometimes, 5 or even... Zero!

And I realised when I do this for a few days, I find it more and more difficult to concentrate everyday. But once I train and discipline myself more to meditate longer, I get better everyday again. And like the other time when I went to Singapore in January, where I didn't meditate for 3 days, wow, it's so difficult to go back after I got back here. So yup, I've decided to put aside some time in the day to meditate. It doesn't have to be "proper", I can meditate when I sit too. Or even inside the car and stuff.

Try meditation! It's good for your mind, soul and body :)

Meditate

 Our mind is like the sky. 

Free, boundless, limitless

One of the new habits that I started (or more like took again) this year is to meditate. After reading "The Tibetan Book of The Dead and Living" by Sogyal Rinpoche, I am just so convinced to start meditating again. I used to meditate on a daily basis in 2011 for like a month heh. And in 2012 I meditated only when I want to. After reading the book however, I realised that my technique was wrong.

So before reading the book, I thought we're supposed to empty our minds when meditating. And I realised how difficult and annoying it is to do that, cause the more you "try" to empty your mind, the more it will be filled with thoughts. After reading the book, I learned that we're supposed to let go of our thoughts. Instead of trying hard to get rid of them, just let it rise, don't cling onto them, and let it go. And yes, this is much easier, and somehow naturally your mind will be "empty" too.

When I mean empty I don't mean it figuratively. From the book, I learned that the mind is like a body of water. When we have so many thoughts and emotions inside it, this body of water is like a stormy sea. Moving, ravaging, shaking and just pretty much uncontrollable. But when we meditate, this body of water is like a small lake on top of a mountain with no winds blowing. Very still, very quiet, very peaceful. And the more we meditate, the more often our mind will become still like that lake, instead of a stormy sea. And the more we can see things clearly and solve problems clearly too.

I watched a Buddhist documentary back in 2012 during the THIS Buddhist Film Fest in Singapore called "Your Mind Is Bigger Than All The Supermarkets In The World". It is from there that I learned how big, limitless and spacious is our mind. And how much potential it has, when we are able to train them. And I can't agree less when the book says that meditation is the way to train our mind.

I've been meditating for almost 5 months now, everyday, or at least 6 days a week. I followed the book's method of meditation closely and... I did feel a difference. One of the biggest differences I feel now is that I don't cling on to emotions and thoughts. I used to feel annoyed by things for DAYS. Now the feeling can disappear within hours. I used to feel angry by little things but now I feel less anger controlling me. And another difference I feel is that I'm calmer throughout the day.

To be honest you just feel different. I can't describe this feeling, but who I am now, after meditating everyday, is definitely a different person than who I was before. You can try it out for yourself. Try 5 minutes a day, then 10. Now I meditate at least 15 minutes a day. Quite an improvement I suppose. And I am definitely carrying this habit forward to 2015, and more years to come.

And also, meditation is sometimes (or most of the time) the only time in the day when I feel most serene and calm. I couldn't remember what I think, feel and experience during meditation (well since my mind is empty) but I could remember how peaceful I feel during meditations.

As Sogyal Rinpoche puts it: "In meditation be at ease; be as natural and spacious as possible. Quietly sitting, body still, speech silent, mind at peace, let thoughts and emotions, whatever rises, come and go, without clinging to anything."

I've always believed in the Buddha's words "Your mind is everything, what you think you become. With our thoughts, we make the world". I've always believed that our mind is the most powerful thing in the world. Whatever you do to it, will have an effect to you and your life. It is big and limitless, and we are yet to explore a tiny bit of it. It is like the sky, boundless and free. And when we meditate, it is when we are exploring this boundless part of the sky. We are truly free when we meditate. I feel free when I meditate. Free from worries, free from thoughts, free from emotions.  

Well I recommend everyone to make meditation a part of your daily life. You will feel the difference it makes. and I think your mind will thank you for it.