Being 20

On being 20....

First of all wishing myself a happy birthday! 20 years I've lived in this world... A beautiful place, a beautiful journey I called life. And I surely have a long way to go, as much as I've ventured a long way too. Today I said goodbye to teenhood and say hello to being an adult. I feel old, I feel that time is flying too quickly. But I know life has to move on. And so will I.

I will walk a stronger, braver and more optimistic. Sure life will get tougher as it reveals itself more to me. As it reveals more to me, its ugly side, its beauty, its ups and downs. I will savour each moment more. And I know I will be a better person walking and venturing this long journey that's ahead of me.

The past 20 years, I've learnt a lot. Gained a lot, lost a few. Just like life itself. I've rode this merry-go-round as I love to call it. Like a merry-go-round, sometimes the horse we ride went up, and down slowly, gracefully. Yet at the end of the day, we will enjoy the ride. A cheerful glee inside out heart burst just like as if we are kids. When we are no longer one.

For the past 10 years I've been spending my birthday in Singapore. Not back at home, with my parents, my family. Though well the early years my brother and sister were in Singapore. I usually felt okay, they would call me through phone to wish my a happy birthday. But then this year it was different. I felt terribly homesick for the past two weeks. And spending my birthday alone was something I didn't expect to be that tough, that challenging. I almost cried last night.

My sister - whom called me at night to wish me a happy birthday and talked with me for a little while. And my mum who specially set alarm clock at 11 PM Indo time just to send me an sms of happy birthday. My sis who sent me an sms at night too. Then my grandma and dad who called me today, listening to them, talking to them just made me feel a whole lot better. Last but not least, my lovely cousins who sent me their wishes through whatsapp and twitter, and Facebook.

It was so tough today afternoon when I called my mum. I almost cried when she sang me a happy birthday song through my phone. But I know I can't. It'll be so embarrassing since I called her in the middle of work. Especially when somehow work gets tough and at times everything felt wrong. Added with my homesickness which I had been having for the past two weeks. Listening to her voice just made me... Sad and yet at the same time it comforts me.

I didn't expect this year to be so tough for me. I've been a fool telling myself hey I can do this. I can spend my 3rd year alone. But I totally didn't expect this to happen. To be so tough just so emotionally burdening. But whatever the case, through my 20 years of existence I've learnt that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I have to pull this through no matter how hard.

Plus it's gonna be another month till I'm going back home just for a while.

And of course there are another group of people that made me a whole lot better too. My friends. Whom wished me late at night as well, and early in the morning. From various way of platforms which  I really appreciate your thoughts and act. I was thinking I'm going to feel homesick for the entire day. But thanks to you guys, you made the other way round.

Thanks to Jolene, Carmen, Melissa, Sharon and Weilun for the dinner today. And the awesome macaroon cake! Appreciate it a lot. And also for treating me with the ramen, and Weilun for the mouse ^^ Thank you Kai Xuan and Vithya for the beautiful album. And to also co-ordinate the people for writing the messages for me: Zaki, Syazwani, Saeyeoh, Ms Jesslyn, Nicholas, Yong An, Leon and of course not forgetting Kai and Vithya too. I need an album and so it's awesome!

To my awesome clarinet section for wishing me in whatsapp hahaha (Thanks Jocelyn for starting the wish mwahaha). And basically to everyone who wished me in Facebook, Twitter, SMS, Whatsapp, you call it. Thank you so much for making my day :)

Now that I'm 20, well everyone would love to stay as young as possible, as long as possible. But I know we must grow up too. As much as I know that well, life is going to get tough, so will I. Like a growing bar I'm going to grow with life. If it gets tougher, so will I get tougher. If it becomes more beautiful, I will become beautiful too. I will not give up and I should never.

19 was a great year for me. A year which I get to try many different things. A year which I learnt the most about life, about science and studies. I guess it's really a stepping stone for me to being an adult. And well as much as I've learnt many things in 19, I'm sure I will learn more in 20 too. I will try many more new things, and I hope to become a better someone than I was back a year ago. Like an ugly caterpillar that turns into a beautiful butterfly.

Like a flower we need to grow through the dirty soils. Life's like that. Through the challenges we become a better person. A better individual. Like a knife that sharpens through the friction of a stone. The challenges in life are the ones that make us stronger.

I hope in the coming year, which also co-incidentally falls on my last year in poly, I hope to become a better person, to grow into a better individual, mature better to become an adult. Live my life to the very fullest as always, be as optimistic and strong and brave like the sun. Looking at the brighter side of life cause life is too short, and it doesn't come twice either.

It's practically now or never.

Alright it's getting late at night now. I'm heading to sleep. But once again, thank you everyone for making my day, a beautiful day :) Good night!

And PS:
This birthday, as I was predicting, will be a tipping point.