Decisions, decisions

I had a rather rough week. But nevertheless, it's kinda ending on a pleasantly sweet note.

This week I experienced two things, that made me ponder about some things. I'm not gonna lie but ever since I returned home for good, the question of "How will life be if I decided to continue with school and not return home for good?" rings occasionally in my heart. And I often imagine and create scenarios of how my life would be. But then again, I always end up with my telling myself, I'm glad you came home.

One thing that happened in this week made me realise and understand why some of my Indonesian (or fellow international students) friends decided not to return home for good. Perhaps indeed life is better (in some ways, not all) outside of Indonesia. And maybe there are more things that they can do overseas. More opportunities to grow, and to do the things they've always wanted to do.

I remember when I told some of my Indonesian friends that I'm returning home, most of them sort of understood. Because I think that's what we're all "expected" to do, unless you're a special bunch that do not, or are not expected to (haha). Some of them are surprised because I stopped at a diploma. They wondered why I didn't want to go to university. Well it's not that I don't want to.

So this event made me wonder too. Why did I decide to go back for good?

But then another event made me realise why going back for good is the right choice to make. Or even, it is the choice I have to make. So I kinda left the previous thoughts of not going back. Although I knew one day these thoughts will return again. And the cycle will go on.

I come to a realisation that my life has been nothing but a very complex odyssey. It is so complex that I often wondered how I managed to endure it this far. Perhaps it is because I made all of the choices myself. No matter what happens, and whatever thoughts that come in my mind, I always return to the thought that I made all of these decisions myself. So I am mindfully aware of the outcome.

Like what Robin Esrock said in his TedX talk, wherever you are is where you're supposed to be, I feel that whatever decision I made in the past, is the right decision because in the future, I will know why I made these decisions. And that's the beauty of life. Everything happens for a reason.

And I'm gonna close this post with Paramore's Hello Cold World 

I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have.