Somebody

When I was young, I've always thought of becoming a somebody. Or to be more accurate, I've always thought that I need to be somebody. Basically I have this thought that I need to become "someone" in my city, in my country and ultimately in this world. I thought I have to be successful, rich, this and that. People need to know me, or at least, they gotta know my name.

I always wanted to become a somebody. And somehow if I don't become one, I have failed as a human being. When I was young, I feel that people who have grown up are "somebodys".

But now I feel the complete opposite. As I grow up, I just want to become a nobody. Or at least let me be a somebody that nobody knows about. I don't really care if people know me or not, if I'm famous, or whether I will be remembered when I die. I don't care if people will remember the things that I do when I leave this world behind. At the end of the day, I carry nothing with me as I leave this earth. I will even leave this body of mine. This vehicle and place I am in since the day I was born.

What does it really mean, becoming a human? Are we simply measured by the number of people that know us when we are alive, and the number of people who will remember us when we die? Are we measured by how successful we are, how rich we are? 

There are days where I feel that life is completely meaningless. And days when I feel it is truly meaningful. I feel that it's meaningless cause one day I am going to leave everything behind. What people think about me, whether I will be remembered or not, all of these won't matter, at the end of the day.

Impermanence keeps me going.

The only thing that keeps me going in life, is the fact that I will one day leave everything behind.