In 2015...

 Thank you

Right! It's the dawn of the last day of the year. Can you fucking believe it! 365 days of the year just went by like a snap of a finger. It feels like yesterday when 1/1/15 just happened. I can still remember on the first day of the year, I got so hungover from finishing a bottle of wine by myself, that I spent it on my bed trying to get rid of my nausea and headache haha. I will not let history repeat itself.

2015 has been a very weird year for me. To be honest, turning 23 felt weird. It is such a funny and confusing age when I think about it. I feel like it's the "midpoint" of our life between leaving our youth and becoming an adult. Feels like I'm too young to make decisions, yet the world is asking me to make them. When I do make them, I'm filled with doubts, and when I don't, I'm filled with doubts too.

Let's go back to day one of the year. 2015 was a blank page for me. A blank page of a book without lines on it. It was a huge blank canvas. I didn't know what to expect in this year, and neither was I expecting things in this year. I mean unlike in 2014, I was so eager and determined to go to Iceland. So at least there was something that I look forward to plan, and turn it into a realisation. 

I didn't even have any resolutions, unlike 2014. Well I did have one, it was only one. I want to make 2015 a year of organisation. Cause I feel like 2014 was rather "messy" for me so I was really trying to plan things out so that things become more organised and easier to handle. I was also aspiring to improve the flower business, since we increased our population back in November 2014 and March 2015. So there were a few things we have to sort out as well. Which as of today, I think we've achieved!

I only wrote my 3rd resolution of day-83 of the year. My 3rd resolution is to "study" Buddhism. I want to get to know this religion of mine better. Which I did! I spent a few months reading up articles about Buddhism and jot them down in this book of mine. Although by mid-May, I realised Buddhism is not a religion you "study" and read, but a religion that you have to put into practice (just like every other religions I suppose). So I kinda stopped this resolution midway. 

But now I've been putting them into practice. Not in a most wonderful way, but slowly, I will get there. Cause I really want to walk on the path of the Buddha. Slowly, but surely.

So yup, I only had 3 resolutions this year. I failed the 2nd one, which was to do small exercises everyday. I stopped after my Aus trip. I think working out is just not my forte. But anyway I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad that my weird on 1st of Jan this year, and my weight as of today is the same. Happy cause it means I didn't gain weight, but also sad cause I didn't lose any :l

I'm not sure if this is a good method; not having any resolution at the beginning of this year, but building them up as the year goes by. But I can definitely ensure you that it's a great way to achieve all of your resolutions. Because you will work towards them step by step. And you won't be "burdened" by loads of resolutions at the beginning of the year which might turn you off halfway.

2015 was a weird year for me too cause it is the year that sort of opened my eyes really big, reminding me that "hello we have all grown up now!". Seeing my parents, my siblings (who are all married now), my cousins and the people around me, make me really sad to know that we've all grown up. Well we can't stay as kiddos forever. But it just feels so bizarrely weird. My cousins are working adults now, who are working out of town, or running their shops and so on. It's so weird.... But beautiful.

It really sort of woke me up. It made me think and feel more "rationally" as adults, and no longer as someone young who loves to have fun. Part of me doesn't want to become an adult but part of me is excited to know the things that I might be doing in the future. Well, here's a cheer for our bright future!

365 days ago, on the eve of 2015, I thanked 2014 for whatever that had happened in that year. Because 2015 is going to be a great year because of all of these things that had happened. The lessons I've learned, the people I've met, the things that happened and things that didn't have definitely shaped who I am as a person today. And I'm always thankful for that. 

I used to have this habit of "labeling" my year. It was a good/bad/so-so/normal/adventurous/exciting year and so on. But in 2014 and 2015, I actually ran out of words to "label" my year. 2014 was a serendipitous year for me. But I couldn't "label" it as a good or bad year. And I share the same sentiment for 2015. I do however, feel that 2015 was a better year! Cause of what I said above.

I suppose as we grow up, we no longer see a year as a period of time of 365 days. I think I see it as a milestone. Sort of a check point to see what we have done so far. The good, the bad and so on. And well like I said, it is the things that happened in the year that really shaped us as a person. You can let these things destroy you, or make you into a stronger and better person.

You see, I think I'm going to stop labeling the years as a good, bad or normal year. I am going to believe that every new year, is going to be the best year I'm going to have in my life. I am going to make the things that happened in this year shape me into a better person, who will then make the coming year a better year than before. And I am going to continue doing this till I die. To a point where I get better every year, as a human being. If I believe that everyday is a good day, some days are better, I'm going to put this into the context of the year too. 

I've always believed that one day life is going to force you to live in the present. I suppose this is such moment for me? I'm going to stop worrying about the future and clings less to the past. Let's just make every new year, the best year that we are going to have in life. The year where we can share our hopes and determination with other people. Where we can help ourselves and help other people to have better lives, and really alleviate them from their suffering. 

On the other hand, the world has suffered enough in this year as well. And every night I always pray for everyone's happiness and safety. We cannot lose hope. We must always believe in love! I don't know what life has in store for the world next year. But I hope we can all be nicer to one another, help one another and make this world a better place before all of us leave our bodies eventually.

Whew, 2015. What a year you have been. Thank you for everything you have given me, taken away from me, taught me, made me forget, reminded me, and so on. Because you are someone who will help me make 2016 a great and awesome year. And I hope we can make 2016 a better year ahead. 

I hope you had a wonderful 2015. And I wish you all the best for the new year.

See you next year!