The Three Laws

I've been wanting to blog about this, since the holiday last month actually! But never had the chance to do so, don't even know why heh. But oh well here it is! It's a chill Saturday night now.

Right. So in life I'm pretty sure we all have rules and laws that we all follow. Some rules that we keep for ourselves, like habits and patterns and so on. And there are also beliefs like your religion and tradition (and superstition). There are also things that don't take shape in a form of object/subject, but just a law of life that you believe and follow. Tonight I'm gonna talk about it!

So there are three laws of the universe that I believe in. I like to call this a "universal law" because I realise that at the end of the day, I will always go back to these three laws. And I have come across many teachings and "laws" of life as well, but they can all be summarised into these three.

The three laws that I believe in are:

1. Everything happens for a reason

2. There is time for everything

3. Whatever will be yours, will be yours

The first law is pretty straightforward I guess. I think it is self-explanatory. Basically everything happens (and doesn't happen) for a reason. If they don't, they wouldn't have happened at all right? Even though most of the time, we won't know the reason straight away. Sometimes it takes a day, a week, a month or even a year. But eventually, one day, we will know the reason. And everything will make sense.

Which brings me to the second law, that everything has its time. It is sort of an extension to the first law. Sometimes we wonder why things happen at a certain timing, especially at times that we don't want it to happen haha. Most of the time, we will eventually discover why they happen at that particular timing, and not other timings. It's crazy but yeah, another reminder that everything has its time.

Last but not least, everything will come to a full circle when you accept all the things that happened to you; when you know the reason, when you know why it happened at that point of your life. For a period of time, we might still be unable to accept the reality. but eventually we will accept everything with out hear. And understand that whatever that is meant to happen to us, will happen.

AKA whatever will be yours, will be yours.

Following these three laws have made me a happier person in a way. And a lot of calmer and peaceful too. I question less and accept more. Or should I say... I see more. There are a lot of events in life that that has made me come to this point. It's like I will always come back to these three laws. 

Let me talk about an example that I went through.

As some of you might know, I was supposed to go to Stanford University for my internship back in year 3. I was shortlisted and chosen to go there. I was pretty excited about it, because I've always wanted to go for an overseas internship, like my sister who went to Sweden for a year. So I was imagining my internship, life in the USA, meeting new people and things like that. I was even planning to meet up with some friends who were also interning in the USA hahaha. 

But three weeks before the school holiday, I wasn't being told anything about this internship. I wasn't being briefed about it, unlike Darren and Jesslyn who were being briefed about their internship in Harvard. I didn't think about it much, until I was called to the office, to be told that due to logistics issue, I'm no longer going to the Stanford but to go for a local internship instead.

Part of me was crushed, cause well I've been imagining things HAHAHA (In Shakespeare's words, expectation is the root of all heartache heh). But part of me was also happy because I get to be close with the others. So yeah. But I was still quite "bitter" especially when my social media timeline was flooded with photos of my friends who were interning abroad heh. But then yup, I told myself the first law, I was pretty sure that I was meant to have a local internship.

It was only until the end of 2012 that made me realise a lot of things. So I asked myself, if I did go to Stanford, how will my 2012 be? I would probably not be able to play for my last Musical Delight, I wouldn't be able to join Stand Chart half marathon, and the dozens of runs I went as well, and many many more. So I felt both relieved and stupid at the end of 2012 - relieved because I have learned why my 2012 worked out that way, and stupid for the time I wasted feeling "bitter".

This is just one of the many things that taught me about these universal laws. As life goes along, especially after I come back home, these laws are becoming more and more evident in life. Accompanied with the Buddhist teaching of emptiness, everything seems to fall into place.

I think life is incredible in this way - that there are so many things we are unsure about in life. But life will always find a way to tell us why, and to teach us lessons and things we don't understand. Sometimes in a short time, sometimes, a lifetime. But whatever the case is, the universe will always be here to give us reasons why we are here. Why we lead such a life, and why life flows in such a way. 

The Chase

Right as promised, I'm going to talk more about Vancouver Sleep Clinic's new song "Ayahuasca" and why I love it so much! Well although the song, I think, is about a failed relationship because the two parties share different views, I really love one line from the song that caught my attention a lot!

It says "I don't know what I'm chasing. Maybe I'll never know"

That question has been on my mind for probably forever. I often wonder what are we really chasing in life actually? I know for me it's definitely not wealth, because I know one day I'll leave everything behind. It's not fame, because it's just too troublesome. It's not happiness because the more you chase it the more it'll fly away (and also we create happiness, not chase after it!). So what is it then?

In the recent years, I kinda decided to search one thing - and it is inner peace. Or should I say mindfulness? Like I once said I want to be the most mindful person in the world, not the happiest. Because by being mindful, you'll be able to see everything. See the situation and also decided how and what you want to feel. Thus avoiding unnecessary unhappiness, which is something we love.

Also thus by being mindful, you can also strive for inner peace! Ever since I started my meditation journey, I truly felt how important inner peace is. The ability to be calm in every situation and see through your thoughts, words, feelings, and everything else. Instead of letting them just bombard your mind like hailstones falling on metal roofs. Noisy, and... Annoying haha.

Anyway one of my favourite quotes is one from Mark Twain that says There are two important days in your life. The day you're born and the day you find out why. I've been on earth for just 25 years and obviously I haven't found the answer to the second question. Sometimes I think to myself that the only time we can answer this question is when we're lying on our deathbeds. 

But after listening to VSC new song, I changed my mind. Maybe we won't even know! That line from the song made me think that perhaps, even if we were to know that we're going to die in the next 15 minutes, we still won't know what we are chasing in life. And ultimately, we'll never know.

So yeah. What are we chasing in life really? Are we just weird creatures destined to live on this planet, being caught in a rat race, that we don't know what the race is all about?

Life In Two Sentences

Two days ago, I woke up to the news of someone's passing.

Last night I went to bed with the news of the arrival of a new human being.

I suppose this is one way we can sum life in two sentences. That... It just goes on I guess. At this age of 25, I have lost a few people. Some who are very dear to me. I've grown to accept death because... After all, we'll all have to die anyway. There's no way we can escape that yes.

It's just very funny somehow, how these two events happened in two consecutive days. There's a sense of solace and serendipity as I went to bed last night. The feeling how life just goes on, but at the same time I also feel how we'll all reach the end one day. It's a pretty weird feeling.

Yet at the same time we go to bed each night believing that we'll wake up tomorrow.

What if we don't?

25 Lessons

 Cause surviving 25 revolutions around the sun is a big checkpoint

Alright as promised, I have finished listing down the 25 lessons I've learned in the past 25 years of my life! It was both a fun and difficult thing to do, cause I realised I have more than that. But most of them can be intertwined together so I try to merge some into one, which kinda share the same points. 

Here goes!

#1 - Life is never a straight road

Obviously, I think we all know this! Haha. But well I learned that there are too many turns that we will encounter in life. And it is never going to be the same. It's alright though, it's fun!

#2 - Change is the only constant

An extension of the first lesson. Life is constantly changing and I think we really have to adapt ourselves to this fact. Expect the unexpected, for better and worst.

#3 - Have faith, always

Have the faith that things will work out. But don't forget to work hard too.

#4 - Hold on to your hope

Because without hope we will get nowhere.

#5 - But ultimately, hold on to emptiness

As the Prajnaparamita Sutra says, all phenomena are empty in nature. They do not increase nor decrease, no death nor birth, no mark of defilement nor purity. So remember, don't hold on to too much hope, nor too much despair. See the emptiness of reality and you're good to go.

#6 - Impermanence keeps me going always!

This has become my life motto. To know that everything will come to an end. So just enjoy.

#7 - Live in the moment

Enjoy whatever you are doing now. The struggle, the confusion, the joy and laughter. They will get you somewhere. Where you may ask? No one knows, but definitely somewhere.

#8 - Don't worry too much

It's in our nature to do so. But do understand that it does you no good, nor does it make things better.

 #9 - Never judge your future

Never believe, and hold on to the idea that things will definitely work out in a particular way. Be it good or bad. Remember emptiness! And remember lesson number 1.

#10 - Keep on doing what you love

Even though you're not doing it for a living. Because they will add colours to your life.

#11 - I can live without meat

1.5 years without meat and I'm feeling so fine.

#12 - Train your monkey mind

Meditating daily for three years have definitely yield results. Our mind is a powerful thing. It can empower you, and it can also destroy you. So don't let it do whatever it wants to you.

#13 - What you think, you become

We create our own reality. the world we live in is shaped by our mind and thoughts. Like I always believe, we are the creators of our own heaven and hell.

#14 - Gratefulness is a key to happiness

Be thankful of what you have. Be it in terms of possession, conditions and emotions. Count your blessings when you have plenty and when you have little. Being enough is greater than having more.

#15 - Happiness is never a goal

It is never a destination. It is something that we create. The more we chase it, the further it will go away from us. Like the Buddha says, there is no path to happiness, happiness is the path.

#16 - I don't want happiness

This sounds absurd, but I feel that you will find happiness when you realise that it is nowhere to be found. Instead of being happy, I'd rather be mindful for the rest of my life. Also I've come to a realisation that... We all want happiness. But we don't know what to do with it when we have it hah.

#17 - Be mindful of everything

Don't believe the voices inside your mind all the time. Never justify your emotions. The come and go swiftly. Do recognise their presence but never let them stay for long.

#18 - Seize the day

Make full use of your time to get the most out of everything. A day, an hour, or even that few minutes you have. We only have 24 hours in one day anyway. And we only have this life. Don't pretend that we have lots of time, and at the same time, don't be ignorant of the time we have.

#19 - Do what you can do right here, right now

Wishing you were somewhere else, and wishing you're doing something else is pretty redundant. Be here! The present moment is such a beautiful place. Although well I'm still learning to apply this!

#20 - Love yourself

Because if you don't, maybe no one else will. Embrace yourself for who you are. We are all amazing in our own unique ways. Cause baby we are born this way *cue Lady Gaga song*

#21 - Rely on yourself

You're the best asset you can have. To achieve your dreams, to reach your goals remember, hard work will never betray you. Be confident, learn as many things as possible!

#22 - You're the creator of your own happiness

I've been teaching myself not to rely on other things to make me happy. Like the point above, we are also the best source of our own happiness. Most of the time, we forget about this.

#23 - Don't complicate things

Life's tough, so please don't make it tougher!

#24 - You're not alone

This is something I learned a few years back. Pretty recent. This lesson reminds me that I'm not alone. That all my actions will impact someone else near me. Be it big or small, be it someone close or not. So yeah be responsible of your own doings. As much as this is your life, we're not alone here. And also, do remember if you have problems, there are people around you who you can talk to.

#25 -  Life will always find a way

If I can sum life in six words, these would be it :)

Yup! That's all from my mini celebration of turning 25 haha. I've been wanting to do this every year but I suppose 25 is a good point, since I'm a quarter of a century old now. Here's to seeing more wonders of life, here's to more lessons that I will learn. And ultimately, here's to finding out the meaning of life and to finding our the reason why we're born into this beautiful world. Thanks for reading! :)

TIL: Purpose

Last day of the month, another reflection post about things I've learned!

So a few weeks ago, I was just pondering about how different life's definitions are after you left school. For example things like our goals, dreams, "living life to the fullest" and so on. If you're doing what you're doing in school, perhaps they are still kind of the same. Although I'm pretty sure it's not identical. In fact I think at different stages of our lives, these definitions keep on changing. Because they are impermanent. They don't stay the same forever, right? But something is missing for me.

To be honest I don't know what my goals and dreams are now heh. Like perhaps I have learned to live in the moment? So I no longer bother to think about how I want my life to be in the next couple of years. Also I've learned how ever-changing and how drastic life is flowing. I have decided to live life for today. To see what I can do today, tomorrow, next week, next month and so on. 

My mind hasn't and can't sail that far into the future.

Another thing is that I feel in school our goals are more "reachable". Just to give an example, back in school I was just so focused to get good grades so that I can move on to the next semester in peace (keyword: GPA). I'll work hard to do well in exams, to get good grades for my reports/projects and so on. Once I've done that, okay, I'll move on to the next semester. And it goes on.

Perhaps I have other goals too like I want to run some 10K races and I plan my training schedule. I want to travel here and there, do this and that. Goals are kinda attainable easily because I feel like I have the time to work towards them, and it feels like I'm walking on this "paved road".

Not saying that the road I'm walking now isn't paved. They are paved but in a different and crazy kind of paving hah. It can change a lot, and change suddenly. So I feel that instead of worrying about not having my goals attained due to sudden "changes", I decided to plan what I can do here, now.

But in life there's something greater than these goals and dreams - it's a purpose. 

Something is greater than traveling around the globe. Something is bigger than the huge-ass dream house we dream about. Something is more expensive than that thing we've been wanting to own. Purpose. I remember seeing that vein-diagram picture about how our purpose is defined as the intersection of four things: the thing we love doing, the thing we're good at, the thing that the world needs and that which we can be paid for. When you think about it, it's so difficult to find the answer!

In fact now I don't know what's my purpose in life. And I think it's dangerous because our purpose keeps us going. It is something that makes us happy to go to bed, and wake up the next day because we're doing it. We don't feel obliged to do it and we look forward to do it every single day. I think it's bigger than passion, because it really keeps us "alive". I think passion is part of our purpose.

Sometimes I feel that I should find my purpose. But finding it is never easy, and it can never be rushed. Some people find it in the middle of their lives, some at the beginning and some at the end. It's like a fine-aged wine. There'll be a time when it's ready to be savoured.

So yeah back to my original point, so far I've been living my life as of today. Seeing what I can do today and in the near future to accomplish my task and "goals". Be it making things better, finishing things and so on. Perhaps while I'm doing this, I'll find my purpose. Oh well, here goes!

Celebrate

This is sort of a continuation of my post about traveling. But I'm not gonna talk about traveling again, more of life in general. Okay so like I said in my post, about how we should all create how we want to "live our life to the fullest", I came across with this thought. You see we all have the tendency that a great life is one where we have no problems etc. Well in one way it's true, but it will never happen.

I mean problems and challenges are what makes our life so interesting and adventurous. Can you imagine a life where it is so smooth, so easy and just a boring walk in the park. A park with no bumps, no road-turns, no this and that. This is why I came up with the thought that maybe living life to the fullest is not all about the glitter and gold, and all the wonderful things we imagine it to be.

Living life to the fullest to me means celebrating every moment that we experience. Okay obviously we don't celebrate the passing of someone, or someone's misfortune. But what I mean is that we live every moment to the fullest. In good moments, we treasure and we enjoy them while they last. In bad moments, we learn from them and we move on. I know it sounds ridiculous to "enjoy" bad moments, but this year I've had my fair share of these moments, and I learned a lot from them!

See, learning from bad moments is a way we can celebrate them. 

I was talking to someone once about how much she doesn't enjoy her life. Problems after problems, and she wasn't enjoying her job (yet she doesn't want to find a new one). She was telling me how she envies other people who seem to have a better life than her, and how they are "living their life" while she's here stuck in a life she doesn't seem to enjoy, and can't seem to change.

So I told her that she shouldn't fall into the lure that of just because someone is having a "better life" than her, will instantly mean that they are happy and so on. We all have our own fair share of happiness and sadness. And there's no way we can redefine our own just by "transferring" someone's happiness to us. And we can all change our lives, it all falls down to whether we want to or not.

So yeah, we should celebrate every moment of our lives. The tough ones and the happy ones. If you remember that nothings lasts forever, you'll realise that every moment is worth celebrating about. And celebration doesn't always refer to glitz and glamour. It can also mean quiet contemplation and melancholic reflection. In times of triumph we savour the moment before it's gone. And in times of adversity we can learn and grow stronger. Celebrate every moment. 

Or more like... Celebrate whatever that we can earn from it.

Catching Up

It's been a very rainy December so far. Like it literally rained every single day over here. It was bright and sunny yesterday when I woke up. But 30 minutes later, the sky was a sexy 50 shades of grey and then it just rained again. Well, we're in December. There's nothing I can do with this yearly phenomenon. At least we're still with nature where December is a rainy season. After all, it didn't rain for almost 6 months here. It's been a crazy El Nino year for us here. Hopefully it will never repeat.

Well when it didn't rain for months, people are fighting for water here. Thankfully we have enough water where we could share with the surrounding people. Now that it rained everyday, it's pretty stressful too cause the flowers take longer time to bloom! I really have a love-hate relationship with the weather.

The rain has been pretty nice sometimes, cause December is one of my favourite times of the year. The rain definitely adds to the mood to contemplate. To think about life, and everything else I didn't have the chance to think of because well, life happened. Somehow time seems to move slower, and our mind seems to grow wider in December. I am able to think of a lot of things, somehow. 

2015 has been a very weird year for me. In a neutral way. I suppose it's just a year where I am in an age of growing up. Like I am no longer a "kid" and not an adult yet. So things have been feeling weird somehow. I like to take it that life is catching up on me. Sometimes I feel that when we're young, when we're still in school, we're somehow ahead of life. Because we study for the future (right?). And we don't really come back to the present moment. Basically, to the present life.

I mean when we're studying, say for a test, we study for the test so that we can do well for the test which will add up to our GPA and help us move forward to the next semester. So in a way we're not really "studying" for the present moment. We're in a constant move to move forward. And it seems like we're always ahead of life. We study hard for the future, to chase our dreams, to land in our dream job.

I suppose when we leave school and start working, life forces you to be in the moment? Like there's no way you can "work" for tomorrow because on a daily basis, lots of things happened that make us stay in the present moment. A bad colleague that ruined our day, scoldings from our boss, when things don't work out, etc. Or maybe we have a successful meeting, a great client deal, and so on. All of these things, will be brought back to our home. And we'll deal it the next day. Not the next semester.

So you can say that the "nearest future" when we're working, is tomorrow. The next day from today. Or maybe next week. I suppose one day, life will catch up on all of us. When it does, you better be ready for it. It won't let you run away from it anymore. You either walk with it, or slow down, so that you can walk with them again. It's not a bad thing. Sometimes we just forget about life for too long.

Karma

So today wasn't really a good day because... Someone actually has the guts to break into one of my workers' house to steal his phone and some money. Money from the flower sales for this week, which is supposed to be deposited into the bank. But hey the burglar was kind enough to leave my worker's wallet and bag behind! Still, I wish you a smooth journey to hell.

Just kidding. 

People always say here that "Uang yang didapatkan secara tidak halal, pasti akan hilang". Which translates to: Money that you earned by inappropriate ways, will one day disappear. So I don't really give a fuck to the money that he stole because it won't be any good use to him. It will disappear. I hope it will get stolen by someone again. Cause karma is a bitch my friend.

Does it mean the money was earned via inappropriate ways? Hmm no. Well it was lost by something that is beyond our control (i.e: burglary). I think money that you earned by inappropriate ways will be lost voluntarily. You know like maybe you spent it on something that made you a loss. Or maybe you spend it on an electronic device and it will spoil/it will get lost too. You know what I mean.

My dad always tells me that when you lose things in life, you don't really lose anything. It is when you lose part of your health, that's when you truly lose something. The first thing I asked when my worker told me that someone stole his money and phone was: Are you okay? Is anyone hurt? If the answer is no then okay. If someone is hurt oh boy I will definitely take action.

You see when I lose things, I don't see the things that I lost. I simply see at the action of stealing. When I lose money (say I got ripped off etc), well I'll just tell myself "bukan rezeki saya" (it's not my luck). I don't feel unhappy with the fact that I lose some money, but I am unhappy with the fact that I someone has to do this bad deed to others. Why would you right?

I used to have this thought that when someone stole something, I'll just let it go because that person may need that thing more than me. But then again I think to myself - there are always more than one way to get out of a bad situation in life, other than stealing money to help your condition.

I always feel that whatever you do to others, you don't just do it between you and that person. You are also dealing with the God that you believe in. And if you don't believe in God, then you're dealing with your own life. Your life's journey. Your future, your family, your children and so on.

I'm a true believer in Karma and I don't think the karmic law only falls for Buddhists. Karma is a law of nature. Whatever you do, you will get something in return. You do bad things, you will get bad things and vice versa. Simple as that! So yep. To whoever stole that money, I wish you all the best in life. Because life will get rough on you. I can't help but to sympathise with you and your pathetic action. 

That's all.

Death and all his friends

When I was young, I was really really afraid of dying. Basically, everything that is related to death. I remember when I was in P5 there was this exercise where my teacher asked us to circle things we are afraid of (out of a list). And then asked us to rank it from top to bottom. Number one was death, and number two was getting trapped in the lift. It was pretty hilarious I must say.

But of course along the way, my perception of death changes.

I suppose my first encounter with death, of someone I know closely, would be the passing of my grandfather. Although I didn't have much memories with him because he had dementia, and we didn't encounter much communication, I always remember him sitting around at my grandma's house whenever I go there. So I felt sad knowing that he wouldn't be there anymore. And I remembered crying when I first went to the funeral parlour and hugged my grandmother. And I remembered seeing my mother cry the morning we were heading to the crematorium in Jakarta. As I've come to a realisation that he will be gone forever. And after he got cremated, all I felt was blatant emptiness.

The next encounter would be my late aunt. She passed away after losing her battle with cancer. As she stayed nearby my house, and that my sister/brother and I always accompanied her when she was having her chemotherapy session while in Singapore, I could say that she was someone quite dear to me. I couldn't come to her cremation as I was still in Singapore, and was having exams. I felt really sad and kinda regretted not skipping school just to go back, to be honest.

The next encounter would be my paternal grandmother. Who is someone I really really... Love and is very dearest to me. I grew up with her by my side (except when I'm in Singapore of course), I spent my mornings during school holiday talking to her, and well we were just really close I suppose. I remember that fateful morning in April 2006 when I received a letter from a staff in TSS saying that my sister is fetching me because I have to "attend a family member's funeral". I just got shocked, and I knew it was my grandmother. We quickly bought air tickets home and flew that evening.

My grandmother's passing was really sad for me. I remember crying when they were closing her coffin. When we had to put paper ingots in her coffin. And when she was about to leave her house for the last time (the wake was held in her house). It was definitely one of the saddest day of my life. After her funeral, I remember my cousins and I were sitting in her house being very quiet. It was as if emptiness blanketed over her house. It's almost 9 years since her passing, and I do miss her at times.

Perhaps the reason why I was afraid of death (and is still kind of afraid) when I was young is that firstly, I thought that not everyone will die, so... I don't want to die. And of course, we are all afraid of losing someone we love, someone we know dearly. But as I grow up I discovered that death is a destination we all are heading for. No one lives forever. And of course I learned through Buddhism that nothing is permanent. Not even our lives, or an ant's life, and so on. So I began to embrace death. Not saying I wish to die but to accept the fact that we are all going to die one day.

 I'll always remember a Tibetan saying about death (I think I mentioned it before here): like a foetus in a womb who cannot stay inside longer than it is supposed to be, we cannot stay on this life longer than we are supposed to be. We will all go one day, not sure when and not sure where. And yes, we all have a limit, or what Muslims call as "ajal". Not forgetting Sogyal Rinpoche's words that our body is just something we leave behind. These are the lessons that made me embrace death.

I don't take death as something necessarily negative, and sad. I see death as a reminder of impermanence - a reminder to live my life to the fullest, and to be compassionate always to others.

That being said, I am referring to death as when a person naturally dies from an illness or old age. Not when someone is killed or when someone died because of a death sentence. Because I don't really agree with death sentence, I'd rather go for life sentence. Or make that person do community work for the rest of his/her life. Because only the one above knows when we die, and I don't think we have any rights to take the life of others. No one should set the finish-line of someone else's life.

Ah well, it's a sad post, but something I've been wanting to write about. Of course, I wish that everyone would have a long and healthy life. And I hope everyone will be happy, and live their lives to the fullest.

Because no one else will live yours.

PS: Happy Valentine's day!

2014 - You Reap What You Sow

 Thanks for the lessons

To be honest I have really learned a lot of lessons in this year. And like I said life itself is a school, a school that teaches people without the use of textbooks but experience. I've learned a lot of things through the experiences and events that I went through. And one of the biggest lessons I've learned in 2014 is you really reap what you sow. And most of the time, you can't control what you reap!

Some of you may not know this, but I am actually helping my dad at a flower plantation. Kind of managing it. Managing the cost, the delivery, ordering etc. And to be honest, I've never imagined myself to be working in such environment. Although one of my dream jobs is to actually work in a farm. But hey I actually enjoy doing this. I didn't know flowers can teach me so much about life.

You see planting flowers is a very interesting affair. To simplify things, we plant the seedling of the flower, water it and give it fertilisers, clean the weeds, and in three months they will grow into a beautiful flower. You plant a red flower, it will grow into a red flower. You shower it with love, it will grow beautifully. You neglect it, they will grow poorly and die. You plant 50.000 flowers, you'll gain about 37.500 of it. Being in this business really taught you that you really reap what you sow.

Whatever you do now, whatever decision you make now, the result will only be seen three months later. This is one of the most challenging aspects of the business. And also not forgetting that you're planting a living thing that is affected by nature and a lot of things. You don't make flowers, you grow them. And whatever you do to the flowers within this three months will be reflected to their final growth. And do we know how well will they grow? Can we control how we want them to grow? No.

The flowers have taught me a lot that you really reap what you sow, and most of the time you cannot control what you reap. And if we reap something we do not like, something we do not wish to reap, the only thing we can do is to make the best of whatever we have reaped. And learn from the experience so that you can choose what not to sow in the future. We make mistakes, we make wrong moves. But we cannot just choose how the outcome will be. But we can learn to not make the same mistake and not to make the wrong move in the future, and ultimately lead a better life.

So thank you to my dear flowers, you have indeed taught me a great lesson in life.

Humbled

I feel really bad cause it seems like I've been neglecting this blog, for I haven't blogged for 9 days! But anyway I have my reasons for this, I am currently involved in another "project" which you will find out soon enough I suppose. And I feel bad too cause ever since I hit my resolution of blogging a hundred posts this year, I feel a lesser need of writing here hah, but no worries I am trying still to blog as often as possible. Just that in the past few days I've been involved in other stuff.

Anyway on Saturday, someone I know called me up to teach me something. It is something that not many people do now, in fact very few people do. And I am very humbled that he wants to teach this precious skill to me. And I hope I can help people with this skill in the future. When I think about it, I really feel that this is a very rare skill now. Not many people know it.

What skill you ask? Something to do with Fengshui!

Well so I am learning how to look for auspicious days for different events. Although like I said in my previous post months ago, about how I don't fully believe in this, but instead I tell myself that there is a reason to why we choose the days. As this method is based on the Chinese Lunar Calendar, and that every year the calendar changes according to the moon cycle, a book is published every year to look for such days. Not everyone can easily understand the book and so he's teaching me how to read it. And no, it's not easy. I'm still struggling sometimes.

I am pretty humbled and amazed sometimes when I think about this skill. This skill has been used in the olden days in China, where people still use stars and moons to look for signs of events. When to plant, when to harvest and so on. To me I feel very amazed by the fact that somehow, the universe is involved in our lives. Of course, when we use our "logic", it is out of our understanding to how the position of moon and stars can affect our lives. After all Shakespeare says it is not in the stars that hold our destiny but ourselves. But why do people in the past still use them, and are kinda correct about it. Like how some culture still plant/harvest crops at a particular period.

Well I suppose there's a lot of things that life can't explain. And a lot of things that don't need an explanation. They just happen beautifully by the power of the stars and the moon and how every atom and molecule of the universe seem to vibrate in their own beautiful way to produce such an event. If you get what I mean. Life itself is a big, great and beautiful unknown.

And I suppose, no one can answer life.

Reborn

Today I came across with a thought.

"What if you were to be reborn. Would you want to be reborn into a new life? Or would you want to be reborn to a similar life, but is able to make changes to it?"

There are days where I wish I can restart my life. I want to be reborn again, start anew, and I wish I can make a few changes to the present. There are days where I wish I can live another life. A new life, a new person, a new place and a new story. And also there are days where I tell myself to treasure what I have now, and hold on because bright days are coming.

So today I came across with that thought. If there are two buttons in front of me right now. If I press the button on the left, my life will restart from the beginning, and I get to make changes as I go through the same life I've lived thus far. If I press the button on the right, my life would end but I will be reborn into a brand new life. Without memories or connection with my current one.

I suppose restarting my life would be awesome. I can make changes to my current life. Do things I wish I could have done. Do things I regretted not doing. Very exciting. It feels like a better life is promised. A life I wished to live. Restarting into a totally new life sounds interesting to. Although you won't know where you will end up in, the thought of living a "new life" is exciting too right?

Well but then again, what if you have reached the current stage of your life, after restarting it? So you've done all the great things, the things you wish you would do and stuff. And then you ask yourself the same question: what's next? And no, you can't just keep on restarting your life. It's not fair hah. And also, if you were to choose the second option, what if you were to be reborn into a life you hate? Say you're reborn into a life that is much worst that your current one.

I feel that our existence here in this world, in this life, is a mysterious gift that no one can explain. Often I ask myself, why do I exist in this world. And like Mark Twain said, there are two important days in your life: the day you're born and the day you find out why. I'm still 22 so I am pretty sure it's way too early for me to discover why am I born into this world. And till I found the answer to that question, I shouldn't even think of being reborn into another life, before ending mine!

I've always told myself to believe that I am born into this world to do something great. Everyone is. When you believe this, it will give you a sense of hope and greatness in life, and a drive to keep on doing what you love doing. As much as I believe that life is a blank canvas we are painting on, I too believe that we are doing to paint something great in this big piece of canvas. And well, no one knows what we are going to paint. But if you believe you're going to paint something great, you will.

So back to the question. Well if let's say I am forced to choose those two buttons... Well I will choose the first option. I am given this life. And if I were to be given a chance to make better changes to it, then I will. And I will finish this story of mine, instead of jumping on to write another. We make regrets in life, and it's normal. Regrets are there for a reason in this life. Without regrets, we wouldn't learn the art of trying again. Without regrets, life wouldn't be so colourful. Seriously.

I don't have such choices now. So I will just continue to live my life to the fullest, to enjoy writing this story and to carry on doing my best in everything. And I hope I won't need to make such choices, ever, in this life. Let me just finish this story, reap what I sow, harvest what I reaped.

Contemplation of Impermanance

 Live the moment

Alright, I'm going to blog now, I can finally blog now and yes haha. Bad news is I'm feeling unwell for the past few days now. Can sense that the flu bug is coming :/ I feel flu-ey and heaty. The weather has been really hot the past few days, or even in fact for the whole week this week. It's not the humidity but just the heat. Even though I'm back at home, with aircon, I feel hot. Must be the heatiness you know. From all this hot weather.

Anyway today was another great Sunday, minus the unwell part. The whole day I was just feeling sick. I hope this can go away pretty soon please. I don't like the feeling. Same thing, I began the day by going to the temple. It's a decision I made that I'm going there every Sunday hehe. Unless I have something on Sundays. And yup. I was late today so I missed Puja but I made it for the chanting hehe.

Usual shopping and lunch, and well I like to go to Starbucks after lunch now! And write my weekly journal now. It failed so bad. I'm supposed to write this daily ITP journal thing for myself. But nine weeks, 45 weekdays, and I only wrote 4 entries. I usually write it on a weekly basis anyway so yeah. Nowadays I just make it into like some reflection journal. I like it.

I didn't run today, cause of the heat and also just me feeling kinda unwell. So I decided to pamper myself at home by watching TV, surfing the net and so on. It's great haha. I realised it's been such a long time since I can do this. The weekends are packed in June for me. Can't wait to have those weekends where I can just unwind and have all the time to myself. And do the things I want to do.

Nevertheless... The weekends in June are fun so yep! Hehe.

While in the temple today, I came across the phrase "Contemplation of Impermanence" during the chanting. It's good to know what does the chanting mean, as they put it on top of the verse.

Then as I was on the bus back to Holland, I kept on thinking to myself, repeating those three words. Contemplation if Impermanence. Impermanence, is basically the fact that nothing in life is permanent. It's a bittersweet truth that we all have to accept. Nothing lasts forever. All good and bad things will one day come to an end.

I always try to live on Buddha's teaching of living the moment earnestly and fully (even though honestly speaking, it is a very difficult thing to do). Not to worry of the future, not to dwell in the past, not to be hurt by the past and to just be hold back by it. But to live the moment, the present, to the fullest. And I always believe that it's true.

Linking back to the phrase Contemplation of Impermanence, I realise how the two teachings go hand-in-hand together.

Impermanence to me means that nothing lasts forever. Not all good things stay forever. And at the same time not all bad things will remain either. It will all come to an end. And to know that they will not remain forever, then we can do this, can't we?

As we know that one day our life will end, we live life to the fullest.
As we know that one day our suffering will end, we push and fight on.
And at the end of the day, we'll remember these days as bittersweet memories we cal all smile to.

True isn't it?

So yeah people, the next time you're doing something, be it traveling, doing exams, performing, cooking, writing and so on, play it with all your heart. If you're going through a rough day, a bad period, a tough moment in your life and so on, press on and don't ever give up. Cause at the end of the day, we will all come to our finishing line in life. And all these happy and bad days will turn into memories.

Life will never be complete without its down moments. There are the bad weeks, there are the good weeks. The happy days and the not so happy days. The days where we wish will never end, the months where we wish will end as quickly as possible. But who are we to choose where we want to be, to control time and to jump time? All we can do is to live, NOW. To live life. And though it's tough. It's happy. Life will still move on. It will still press on.

Today I learnt a new lesson of Buddha, that I can apply with another lesson I've been trying to apply. I hope I can apply this. And live my life to an even high level, higher definition of "fullest". Last week wasn't a really good week for me. It has now come to an end. Tomorrow another week begins, and I hope it will be a better week.

I guess Buddha's lesson of living in the moment is really good for me. For a sentimental guy like me. Well I know I shouldn't dwell in the past. But I hope through living the moment to the fullest, I can then smile to the memories of today in the future. You know :)

Good night. Here's to an awesome week 10 :)

Year 2 in a glance

Helllooo alright I know this is quite late but...

My exams are over! Goodbye year 2!!

Um and sorry for anti-climax but damn I still got some work to do which I really hope to finish by tomorrow. I'm meeting up with my group to finish it! :O And sigh I already have a plan, actually about tomorrow but well c'est la vie. things happen at the wrong time, as usual, and so gotta change my plan. But no worries, I mean I'd rather finish this once and for all! Right?

Anyway yep my exams are over. Whew... The past three weeks were really scary but on Friday, everything seems to pass like a breeze. Woosh and everything was gone. All the rants and the worries and the stress. Everything seems like they never happened at all. But of course, they did happen. Just that it felt really weird that everything has ended haha.

And anyway this is my 700th post in my blog! Woohoo! Finally reaching the 700ths and more to come! So in order to celebrate this awesome 700th post, I'm going to blog about my year 2! In a glance~

---------------------------------------------Year 2 in a glance--------------------------------------------

So 2011 was the year I entered year 2. I was posted to Biomedical Research for my option together with Kai, Candy, Syazwani and Rebekah from my previous class (1B02!) and Vithya of course, who's like a member of DBS 1.5. The 6 of us are really great friends in my class. After all I'm the only guy from The B stage that goes into this option. And the 5 of them were my good friends from my year one. How can we not be close right!

Anyway we all got into a new class of 2A05 and our buddy class was the cardiac people. My class were a mix of course and I don't really know all of them except for some peeps from the 1B01 stage and my friends. And Ashley and Joanne and Jesslyn. We were quite of a strangers together and of course, having to spend a year with your friends, is no wonder that we naturally clique with our friends right?

 Taken during one of our Gem Bio prac. It was saline. Yucks!

So the first semester was alright. I would say the toughest semester in my poly life so far. Things happening at the wrong timing, tough modules, crazy schedules but at the end of the day, I pulled it off. My GPA dropped of course. But thanks to my year one my cumulative was maintained. If it were not to be cause of my year 1 I think my results would really plummet down. 

The awesome Biochem prac where Ashley and I had to collect 24h urine...

Then it was semester 2 and well this time round we are being taught in the new way of CBL - Case Based Learning. It was really... I feel an awesome way of learning. In a way it's kinda better from the traditional go-to-lecture-hall-and-learn way cause we're being directly involved in the learning process itself. Plus I like the feeling of being "small doctors" where we diagnose "patients" from their symptoms.

Even though at times... I feel a bit lost at our learning process. But all's good. Thankfully I kept a journal of the cases that we have been given. So I can refer back when I need them. But apparently, I've lost track from case 5 onwards or so :/ And oh yep we're also given our own classroom - the exchange! Really awesome to have our own class don't you think so? Where we have our seminars as well :)

 

 Our first seminar on kidney diseases! (Rebekah went off first :O)

6 seminars to be done by year 3, 4 completed! (Y). So yup semester 2 was I think better than semester 1. I really love my timetable, the new learning systems etc. I guess the most irritating part of this learning process is when you can't get what you want! Like when you're supposed to research about something but the net just doesn't have it. But with the help of your peers, you'll get it eventually.

Then in term 3 we had a group mix-up and I was grouped with Sam, Huiwen and Kai Xuan. I wasn't really that close to Sam (since she's from another stage in year 1) but at the end of the term, all of us cliqued pretty well! I like the synergy of my team :) Even though heh, we tend to do things at the 11th hour but somehow somewhat, we all pull through eventually! Yaayy. The Immuno project was definitely something really memorable about! :D

 Sam's cute characters for our Immuno project!

And yeah I guess those are the "academic" side of my year 2. Pretty much challenging but at the same time, enriching. It's a new way of learning after all right so it's pretty awesome. Really learn a lot in this year, especially about the medical field. Since we're all learning the foundation of the biomedical field, it's really awesome learning all these "deeper" side of the field! Like haematology, pathology, med micro and more. I would say med micro is my favourite haha. Cause I love bacteria and doing those identifications were really nice! :) 

  

The class (majority) @ the Exchange! Taken with my film (Y)

Moving on, let's talk about the "aesthetic" side of year 2. Let's start with band! So well yup I had our IBM29 in year 2 and it was held in SPCC. We also had our Ganbatte concert :D IBM29 was awesome! Even though oh gosh I was really struggling with studies cause it happened like 10 days before my exams. Then we also went to Korea for an exchange trip! :) One trip I'll never forget, great fun and great experience with the band :D First time to Korea and performing overseas as well!

 

El Camino Real in IBM29 - The song I once thought I can never play, played.

 

Performing at Insyeodon street in Korea! Woohoo! First overseas public performance :D

And moving on - my I would say, the highlight of my year 2! I guess you know it, yep it's my Inner Mongolia OCIP trip! Seriously the best 2 weeks of my life. My awesome GT team, the 2 weeks spent were really so memorable and sweet. It was definitely a trip of a lifetime and I've learnt so much not only about the environment but also about life itself. And yes I will definitely miss the Duolun and Inner Mongolia itself so so much. I will definitely return there one day. Definitely!

 The shot we took on the last day of digging - The sunset of the

(sad I'm not inside this scene! Heh, but glad to take this shot :D)

 My awesome GT team! Under the blue sky of Inner Mongolia

Aww man will definitely miss scenes like this. The colours of the autumn!

And in December, the (so far) highest achievement in my life... Yes! Climbing Mount Kinabalu with my awesome LEAP KK Intermediate December team! Climbing a mountain wasn't in my agenda (of my age). But it was the decision and the thought of proving myself wrong that made me go for this trip! Definitely something I'll never forget about. Seriously people, climb a mountain. You'll never know what lessons it can teach you. And to my awesome team mates - thank you so much for the help you've given to all of us (Y)

 

At Low's Peak! One of the best feelings in my life ever!

Via Ferrata baby~ Woo woo woo!

And many more, of course. Which I think I will just let the next few photos do the talking :)

 Helping out at POL-ITE canoe sprint event at Macritchie

 Welcome YP and Weiqi to the 4E109 @ SP family! :D

 Winning (consolation prize) my first ever "large scale" photography competition

 Taking part in my first ever Poly50 with my GT!

 Covering MDXXXV with Jasmine

 

Year 2 has been one epic journey. A tough one I must say but at the same time, an awesome one. It's the year I suffered the most in terms of "stress" and at the same time it's the year I learnt the most. Be it both academically and aesthetically. And also about life itself. I've always reminded myself that in life, result isn't everything. Studies would always come first to me. But I will never forget to add spice into my life.

I guess people might think "Wow you really have the time to do all those huh" and well I would answer them, without all these events that happened throughout my year 2, I will not be who I am today :)

One more year left to my poly education. It's now or never. I have to life this year to the fullest before it comes to an end. I've been accomplishing my goals throughout my 2 years. Now is the time to do EVERYTHING I've been wanting to complete. One academic year. Here we go.

But ultimately, a journey never truly ends.

LEAP Intermediate trip - Mount Kinabalu

As promised, I will blog about my trip to Mount Kinabalu alright! Finally get the chance to blog so here it is WARNING: Be prepared for a very long post :)

Anyway so we went to stay in Moberly the night before our flight (Saturday). We went to watch the lunar eclipse together! Quite cool huh, and we were there sitting down on the parapets like the scene in "You're the apple of my eye" hehehe. After briefing, packing, we went to sleep cause we gotta wake up by 4 to leave for Johor Senai aiport at 5! :)

Once we reached there we took a flight to Kinabalu which took about 2h20m. Kinabalu, my first impression was, it's like my hometown (kinda)! Quiet, empty, not so bustling but nice and modern at the same time. And then we went for lunch at this Malay restaurant. It was fried rice, so yummeh with a nice salty soup. We went to get some extra stuff and then we made our way to Strawberry Garden Hotel! :)

The boys' bunk

On the way there, it was my first time seeing Mt Kinabalu with my own eyes. Even though she was still partially covered with clouds, seeing her majestic appearance made me feel two things - fear and excitement. Seeing the height that we need to climb, and anticipating the trek we're going to do the next day. Anyway Strawberry Garden is a nice hotel, especially the view! Woo yeah :D And dinner was awesome as well. Then we tucked in to our bed and sleep to prepare for tomorrow's 6 hour trek!

The trek itself was alright I guess. We have a total of 6 huts before our destination - Pendant Hut. We stopped in hut 4 for lunch, and occasionally for water break and stuff in every other pit stops. But I think we didn't stop at pit stop 6 cause it was so near our target, we just chionged up! But uhh sadly it rained from pit stop 6 onwards. So we had to trek for about 300m to Pendant Hut. Was an interestingly-cold experience.

Group 3 before our trek!

Go go go! :D

The journey from 3 - 4 was kinda tough, cause it was rather steep so yeah... But I love hut 5! Cause somehow during that part, the sky was clear and we could see the peak of Mt Kinabalu! Pretty awesome and interesting sight to see eh. In total, we trekked for about... 6 hours I think. I know we reached Pendan Hut at about 2.50 PM or so. Then moving on with via ferrata training, dinner, and a good night sleep before summit! :D

Us at around hut 5! 

Presenting, Mount Kinabalu

We woke up dark and early at 1.30 AM to prepare for our trek at 2.30 AM. We were quite late, I think we set on at about 2.50 AM instead. So we gotta meet up with the human jam. Nevertheless, we made our way up the summit (which was 2.7km in distance of trek). The danger zone was... Quite scary and exciting! We need to hold on to this rope where we climb up (like abseiling) pass through a steep rock. So envy the guide who don't need all these ropes! :P

And then... After the danger zone was when things go interesting.

I got AMS (Acute Mountain Sickness). I guess it's due to my not-so-good physical level, plus fatigue, plus altitude, plus low oxygen level. I was blabbering non-sensical stuff to my team (esp Kai, Chloe and Clement). They asked me to ease my load by helping me take some stuff and I got defensive towards them. And when they're about to take my bag off, I was telling them "Don't touch my bag! Don't touch my bag!" but eventually they succeeded to get it off me.

After that, I cried. One was because I felt so touched by their kindness and care, and two was because I felt so disappointed with myself, selfish with myself cause I won't be carying my bag unlike them. It's like as if I'm a burden for them. But then Kai told me that if they were not to help me, then I would drag the team more. Clement was also saying we should all summit together, as one team.

One thing for sure is - I'm just so touched by their help. And lesson learnt - don't get AMS (but how?)

The trek up! Almost there...

The way to the summit goes as follow. First we passed by Sayat Sayat hut. Then followed by about 500m of "flat" terrain, then a 150m hike up to Low's peak. In that last part of 150m, I don't know how and why but I was making my way up there by crawling. I was just pushing myself up, telling myself whatever happens, I'll reach the summit. And then I saw the signboard, and just push myself up. Like as if I forgot what happened, my AMS, life, troubles, problems, school, everything, and push myself to the peak.

HELLOOOO~ from Low's Peak of Mount Kinabalu!

The feeling was REALLY GOOD. To stand on the peak, looking down to clouds like as if you're standing above them. Feeling like as if you're on top of the world. Feeling like as if you can do anything. Best thing was being surrounded by your friends too. The summit has taught me so many things. Of friends, of life, of everything. But being on Low's Peak was just something I can't explain through words. Just being there, is surreally unreal. At the same time.... Okay I seriously don't know how to explain in words.

But the sad thing is... Thanks to my AMS (and happiness and excitement), I didn't take much pictures on the summit. It strikes upon me when I'm back in Singapore, transferring my photos, then I realised I didn't take much pictures in the summit. Oh well, thankfully I have our summit photo with the team though! O yeah!

We made our way down for via ferrata. But since we were late, we (Chloe, Yisheng, Clement, Firman and me) decided to take the shorter via ferrata (walk the torque instead of Low's Peak circuit) instead. It was really fun and challenging man! Being on the steep side of the cliff, abseiling down, jumping here and there, walking across rocks and etc. One freaking awesome experience I'll never forget :)

Via Ferrata baby! (Photo credits to Clement's Camera)

And finally we via ferrata-ed  back to Pendant Hut, and we were the first team to arrive! Mwahaha. Went for lunch and then the day just went by with each team arriving back. Poor them, some of them were caught in the rain while via ferrata-ing and they were really cold! The team quickly went to help them out by giving them hot water and taking off their bags and shoes. Thankfully they're alright after a good sleep :)

We made it down! :D

The next day, the 2nd summit team (Candy, Warda, Afiq and Helmi) went to the summit! They were really blessed with an even better weather than us there :D Kudos to the 4 of them. Even though they were not feeling well the day before, they decided not to give up and went up all the way to the summit! Especially Candy, who summited with a sprained ankle (wow, if I were her I think I would just tell myself next time). I feel really happy with the fact that all 27 of us made it up! Cheers to the awesome team :D

The second summit team arriving in Pendant Hut! :D

While waiting for the 2nd summit team to arrive, the rest of us were drying our stuff below Pendant Hut on this rocky spot. We were laying out jackets, shoes, soles, shirts etc as the sun was out. The weather was clear, and well (thankfully) my stuff were dry so I was just there to enjoy the sun and view with them. Then... It strike upon me that I will really miss this place. The view, the serenity and the weather was just amazing. Not everyday in our lives can we see them. And what's even better? Was to hear the team's chatter and laughter as I enjoy the view and the wind. It made me look back on the long journey we've went through thus far.

This is the view that I saw, as I was sitting down on the rocky spot

We made our way down to the Kinabalu park HQ. We were really late, and we were caught in the rain! So we trekked for about 1 hour plus under the rain. Pretty awesome experience heh. Weird enough, I was feeling... Rather "empty" on the way down. Not sure if it's the fact that the journey is coming to an end, or is it me just wanting to get down quickly, or... I don't know. All I know I was feeling neither happy nor sad, neither tired nor energetic on the way down. Pretty weird no?

And we boarded our bus back to Kota Kinabalu. Somehow, during the earlier part of the drive, where most people got knocked out from the trip, I couldn't fall asleep. I was just looking back, and couldn't believe myself that I've climbed mount Kinabalu. A mountain of 4095.2m in height, the highest peak in Southeast Asia. I've never climbed a mountain before. And here I am, writing this, as someone who just climbed a mountain. Sometimes is is thoughts like this, that made you feel, what's there in life, that we can't do?

Many times one would feel so insignificant, so weak, so incapable of doing this and that. But well this trip just taught me one thing: Life is just too short for us to tell ourselves "I can't do it". Initially when I saw the poster of this trip, I told myself "Nahh I shall go next year, don't think I can do it". But then I decided to go, just to tell myself, that hopefully, I get to prove myself wrong again.

So I did prove myself wrong.

And just like my Inner Mongolia OCIP trip, this trip has made me realise how wonderful and beautiful this world is. It's just such a waste for it to be left unexplored. Go out, and have an adventure. You have no idea what it can do to you, what it can teach you, and what changes it can bring to you. But of course do plan and prepare the trip before you go. Safety always comes first before fun (Thanks Mr Kwok! :D)

Well, the mountain teaches things that sometimes the school won't teach you. Life is a journey, is all about learning. There are things we get to learn through the event that happened to us, through the journeys and experiences that fell upon us. The mountain teaches me so many things about life, people, and myself. It's quite amazing isn't it. Well as the famous saying goes: The best teachers in life are your experiences.

The trip then progresses on with a night in Kota Kinabalu, which we spend eating seafood and walking around (yumz). Then the next day we had our certificate-giving ceremony, which everyone (including me) got emotional into. It's been such a great journey for everyone I guess. So great.

This trip is just another reason why my 2011 has been so awesome. I've certainly enjoyed myself from this trip (excluding getting AMS), and I've certainly LEARNT a lot from the journey as well. I've accomplished my LEAP Intermediate. And now I can't wait to finish my LEAP Advanced, before I graduate! Alright, one item from my life's to-do list stroke off, and another added!

Do you knoq how does it feel on top of world? I do :)

And you should try it one day too

Standard Chartered Marathon 2011 10KM - DONE

Today was such an awesomely crazy day! Cause....

I FINISHED THE STANDARD CHARTERED MARATHON 10 KILOMETRE RACE!

It felt so awesome! It was my first marathon after all, my first 10 KM, my first race, and wow I finished it! Felt so good seriously. And the best part is I finished it in 1h 10m! Okay even though my target was one hour, but I think it's alright cause I was expecting to run for at least 1h30m :P But oh well, it's not the time that matters but the distance we've covered! :)

Anyway met Doreen, Alicia and Saeyeoh at City Hall and we make out way there. Deposit our bags and then we head to the start point. Kayheng was late so he caught up with us later. The journey to the start point was.... Quite horrible. We're supposed to start at 7.15 but I crossed the start line at about 8 AM. Wow really. But nevertheless thankfully we're not like disqualified or something like that. We're quite close to the closing of the gantry. But we made it in time.

So I ran and ran and ran. I think my run was awesome! No pain at all, just that my feet were burning woosh. And some part of the race it was rather hot cause of the sun while some is shady cause of the trees and buildings. Quite funny I always tell myself whenever I see the marking. "Oh it's just 9 KM more" "Halfway more to go...." and lastly "LAST 2 KM goddamnit!!" and then I crossed the finish line! :D

I drank on every water station. Was on the urge of peeing but I hold my urine and skipped all the toilets, just the water stations. Was quite scared that I'll get stitches while drinking but turned out nope. I think the hardest parts of the race were the 5-8 KM route, where there was quite a slope so I slowed down. And the 8-10 KM! I think the last part of the race is the determining point where you want to give up, or not.

I wanted to walk my way from 8KM onwards. But then... I decided not to cause I was just telling myself that I can do it! I can push it! And I was really looking for the finishing line, but I was deceived by the big banner. I thought it was the finishing line but turn out I have 200 metres to go. So I just sprinted to reach the line and when I crossed the finishing line, I just put my hands up and felt a wave of euphoria rushing within me. It just felt so good. Like all those you've been fighting for has been paid off. Swoosh.

I think this marathon is one life-changing experience. Firstly, it was my first marathon. So I didn't really know what to expect. Turned out my run was quite alright so it was good. The one thing that I'm super proud of myself is the fact that I didn't stop running for the ENTIRE race (minus the taking water part). I was on the verge of walking but I kept on telling myself that I can do this, I can do this, keep on running I can do this and there I go, 10KM run.

Anyway I told myself that in this marathon, I won't stop running. And I never did! :)

The race itself was also a motivational and inspirational event. While running today, I saw two people that really motivated me. First was a man with only one leg. His other leg was a prosthetic blade. I was stunned when I saw his prosthetic leg! The next person was this blind man who joined the 10KM marathon! Well even though he wasn't running, but I still salute him for taking part in the event! :)

After seeing these two people, I feel so ashamed if I were to give up in life. It feels like if they can do it, if they've the strength to pick themselves and step up in the marathon despite of their disabilities, I see no reason why we, normal human beings, can't do the same thing too. In fact after seeing these two people, I felt so energised and spirited that I ran faster! :)  

I read this article in Reader Digest once and I came across this phrase: Impossibility is the state of the mind. Which is really true! After seeing the two people above, I was just telling myself impossibility is the state of the mind. I have to get rid of the thoughts and just continue running and push myself further. I won't give up till my body gives in. Which... I would never let that happen.

I guess we can all relate this marathon to life. Impossibility is the state of the mind. No matter how weak we all thought we are, we never know how far we can go in life. There are times where we would tell ourselves no I can't do it. I won't be able to do it and so on. Actually, we can. Just that our mind tells is we can't. It's all in the mind I guess, right? :)

Whenever I see advertisements of marathons in the past, I would tell myself that I won't be able to do it. Even seeing the 10KM category is like running a hundred kilo race or something like that (of course I'm just exaggerating). But hey, look, I just ran a freaking TEN KILOMETRE marathon and nothing can ever change that fact! :D

I remember when I first posted on Facebook that I'm going for this marathon, someone commented "You can meh?". And now I can happily say in front of that person's face. Yes I fcuking can (sorry for vulgarity). Isn't it just so lovely to prove yourself and prove others wrong? It's such a lovely feeling. But of course the most lovely feeling in the world is to prove yourself wrong. To realise you can do it when you once thought you couldn't. The feeling can only be enjoyed by you, hmm?

During the marathon, I purposely changed my song in the last few hundreds meter or so to "Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros". When I was running/sprinting the last 200 metres or so, yes I can honestly say this, I cried. I don't know how to explain it but I was just damn happy to be able to finish and run this marathon. With the song blasting in my ears, I feel like I can just fly to the finishing line. It feels like all my hardwork has been paid off and that my dream has come true. Such an awesome feeling.

And at the same time I think I feel this sense of accomplishment where I can reflect to in life. It's like if I can do this, I'm sure I can take up more challenges in life. I've proved myself that if I don;t give up, things that we've been working hard for will be there. I really don't know how to put it into words but yeah, just an extreme sense of euphoria and accomplishment I guess. After all it's my first marathon :)

So people, I truly recommend you to take part in a marathon. It's a life changing experience (depends how you take it actually) but yeah, it will be one. It's a motivational and inspirational event you can participate to and you can also take what you learn and put it in real life. Some people believe that life is a race, and death is the finishing line we all need to cross. How you run your race, that's life.

I'm hoping of joining the 21K marathon next year, hopefully I can take part in another 10K marathon before that. To train for my 21. If time lets me, I'll run the 42 two years later before I graduate heh. Running, as some people would say are like drugs. You'll get addicted to it! :) I'm not a runner, or someone who's into running. I just enjoy running. Just like walking, running takes my mind off somewhere. And... Who doesn't love activities that give you instant endorphins? :D

My time is running short. I guess I have to seize every opportunity in life that I can take to do things that I've been wanting to do. I've never thought I would run a marathon, but I just did. And well, what else can I say? I want to run another, and another, and as much as possible. Life is too short really. I don't want to die telling myself that I regret doing this, regret doing that.

So here I am saying that I'm a proud SCMS 10K marathon finisher! :D One item each from my new year resolution and my life's to-do-list crossed off. But getting it crossed doesn't mean I won't do it again. I'll always do it! Whenever I can. Life is a race, your race. And not others! :)

And last but not least I would like to thank the following people: Ahpa, Doreen, Alicia and Kayheng who ran today. Vjie for coming and have breakfast with us. The two people I mentioned above. All the runners who gave me motivation. Everyone who has trained with me in one way or another. Last but not least, to Coldplay, Jonsi, Sigur Ros for the wonderful songs that kept me going throughout my race. Music keeps me going! Sweet~

Zaki's first half marathon! And Saeyeoh's and my first 10K :D

And there we go kissing our medals away mwahaha

[Photos courtesy of Saeyeoh's camera]

Great job to everyone who ran today. Do take a good rest and stud hard for those who are having their MSTs and exams and tests! See ya soon :)

I run for the sake of overtaking myself. Not others.

My medal! :D