Truth

 The truth

One of my favourite lines from a song, comes from Chvrches' The Mother We Share. It says:

"Cause if I told the truth, I will always be free" 

I don't really understand this line. But as I contemplated on it a lot, I understood it now. And it is indeed a pretty enlightening line for me. Do you have those times when you told someone the truth, but they don't seem to believe whatever you're saying? Or worst, they just created their own "version" of your truth. They don't seem to take what you told them. And they don't believe you at all.

Or sometimes there are times when you told someone the truth, but they rebut it with something else. On one hand, you feel annoyed because you've done whatever you can, you've told them the truth. On another hand, you will feel free. Because you have told them the truth and that's it. You don't have any guilt or wrong-feelings inside of your heart. The feeling is like when you tell your parents you did badly for a test. Yeah sure they may be mad at you, but you feel relieved in a way. There's nothing to hide.

From this line, I thought to myself this:

"I have told you the truth. How you perceive it, how you give it your own twist and turn, it is entirely up to you. But I have told you the truth, and I'm free"

I'm talking about this, because I'm currently facing this situation. Right now, in the farm, we have no flowers at all. We do have flowers, small and non-bloomed ones that is. A few of my customers went and asked if we can do a delivery and of course I told them right now, we are currently not able to do so because the flowers are too small. Thankfully some of them understand and they just kindly tell me to just inform them when the next delivery can be made. And I always do tell them.

But there are also times when some of my customers don't seem to believe my words. I'm not sure if they think I'm lying to them, or whatever the scenario inside their heads is. So at times I feel "bad" when I tell them we have no flowers when truthfully, we really don't have any. But then again I told myself why should I feel bad? When I have given them the truth but they can't seem to accept it in some way. Or they decided to take the truth in another different direction.

You see the hardest thing about having a business that involves living things/nature is that at the end of the day, they are beyond our control, no matter how much we tried to control them. Being trained in the science field, I tried to make sure that everything we do will yield the most optimum result. We plant the same amount of flowers every week, we calculated the time taken for these flowers to bloom, to make sure that there won't be a "gap" between blooming flowers. We gave them fertilisers, pesticides, and even a fertiliser which help them to bloom nicely together. 

So we controlled every conditions to make sure the flowers bloom beautifully. But give us 4 days of heavy rains and these flowers won't bloom no matter what. Because flowers need the warmth of the sun and adequate UV rays to bloom properly. So no matter how much we control the growth of these beauties, we cannot control nature at the end of the day. And there is nothing we can do. We cannot make an artificial sun, we cannot banish the clouds very time they gather above my hometown.

I have this motto in mind: We grow flowers, we don't make them.

Flowers are like human beings. We grow with our own set of characters and different physical forms. We don't really make and tailor human beings. That would be very scary heh. If I can control the weather, if I can make flowers instead of growing them, I would be the richest man on earth. I don't have to worry about the weather, and I will never ever have to tell my customers that our flowers are currently not bloomed yet. I would harvest the flowers everyday and deliver them everyday.

I am very sorry, that we cannot do these. After all we are dealing with living things. And we deal with living things beside this beautiful place called nature. Which sadly, we cannot control also.

Off-day

We're having a holiday here today, so it is pretty much an off day for us! I would say it was a pretty chill day, I have nothing much to do and yeah it feels kinda great to have such a day, after being busy every other day I suppose? I went for a funeral wake in the afternoon with my mum, then had lunch with my sister and at night, I went to the farm with my dad. That's about it! Pretty relaxing day isn't it.

The day was made "worst" thanks to the pouring rain that started in the late afternoon. It just seriously dampens my mood to do anything hah. In fact I went to have a nap TWICE can you believe it. But anyway, like I said, it feels nice to have a relaxing day like this. The past few days of the week have been pretty busy. Lots of things to do and such. I was so happy to wake up this morning with zero notifications on my phone. Unlike the usual days where I would wake up to like messages and BBMs and WhatsApps and stuff. Isn't it an awesome way to start the day? (Insert sarcasm here).

I always have this wish in which I can have a day in the week where I can unwind and relax. Like seriously a day dedicated to do this. But well it's kind of impossible so never mind. I decided to dedicate some time everyday to do this - and that's before I sleep. I would do whatever I want, but mostly I would just chill and listen to music. Read some interesting articles or videos on YouTube. I don't really want to be in a state where I have to be busy all the time. That's a nightmare. 

Anyway I've been watching Casey Neistat's vlogs since the first day he made it. And in one of his recent vlogs he was discussing how he doesn't like free-time, cause it made him unproductive. I am awed by his determination of making the fullest of his day. Be it running, doing work, creating movies and spending time with his family. But he said he doesn't like having free time. And it made me cringe a tiny bit - cause I'm the opposite of him, where I want to have free-time! Heh.

Well yes I do agree with him about the part in which we have to make the best out of our time in this life. To create things, and just be awesome really. But I suppose well, we have our own ways and definitions of "making the best out of our time in this life" eh? To me free time is an important time. And I need it everyday. And I don't use this free time to simply laze around and do nothing but well to just relax, unwind, before I get back to being occupied again. Well actually now I'm not sure what does he mean by "free time". Maybe it's a time where you literally do nothing?

Although well these days, I've been also trying to make my "free time" a more colourful one. Like currently I'm reading up a lot on the teachings of the Buddha. And in some days I draw things, edit some of my photos and so on. Mostly, I just need this free time to be alone. You already know why.

Alright stopping here for now. It was a nice relaxing day today. Pretty glad and happy to go through it :) Wishing everyone an awesome weekend ahead! Take care of yourself too.

Omen

So let me tell you something funny that happened today. 

I was lying on my bed just now in the evening when suddenly I heard this loud noise made by a lizard. As I looked up, I saw 2 lizards making out on the ceiling. And right as I tilted my head up... The one humping just fell gracefully from the ceiling directly on top of my head. I jumped out and that lizard leaped onto my table. And it was just chilling out for a while, maybe shocked, then climbed up the wall.

I was just staring at the lizard and... It was then chilling out on the wall hah.

So I told this incident to my mum and she told me that there was a belief that it's a bad thing if a lizard fell on you. And you have to chase the lizard or something. Well I did chase the lizard even though it decided on my table haha. And then I went to search on the net about the significance of this occurence and apparently... There's an Indian belief that having a lizard fell on you is a bad omen! Well depends on the different part of the body that it falls on. Some brings good omen.

Actually... I don't know where the lizard land on. But I do remember closing my eyes hah, cause I was just so shocked and scared and I just jumped out of my bed. So actually I don't know where it landed on. Although the lizard was on top of me, on the ceiling.

But oh well be it bad or good omen, lets not believe it fully that it will affect my life heh. I'll take it as a good omen because nothing bad happens to me and the lizard. The lizard survived the fall, and I survived the jump-out-of-bed incident. Perhaps he was shocked due to the fall, but he's alright.

I do believe in some superstitions but well, to let a superstition rule over your life, that is very bad too. I've always believed in the Buddha's teaching of the Middle Way - That there must be a balance between experiencing sensual pleasures and experiencing self-mortification. Basically don't hurt yourself, and don't enjoy yourself too much. That's why all I can conclude from this event is that the lizard and I are okay, and yay, happy days! Win-win situation right?

I think being in Asia, we grow up with a lot of superstitions. Although as we grow up, we realise that a lot of these superstitions are out of our logic. Like how can having a lizard fall on you gives you bad omen... Right? Sometimes I believe that superstitions are caused by a "placebo" effect. Like let say I really believe that having a lizard fell onto me a bad omen, and I will keep on thinking about this. And somehow, when bad things happen to me, I "blame" it on the lizard for giving me a bad omen.

I'll just stick with the Buddhist teaching. Don't add suffering to others and yourself. So let go of this "bad omen thoughts" because thinking about it just make me more stressed heh. Maybe I should pray for the lizard so that he can make out again and produce more babies hmmm.

Alright I don't know what I'm talking about hah. But yes, I hope I don't get any bad omen.

(Oh the irony)

Chanting Inner Peace

So it's been 3 good years since I discovered this wonderful song above. It is The Prayer (Chanting Inner Peace) by Ketsana and it is truly one of the most peaceful and beautiful song I've ever heard in life. I am a bit sad that I cannot find this anywhere on iTunes or elsewhere. I really hope that she will make it available for purchase somewhere. Because it is truly a beautiful song! Apologies first, but I actually took the song off Youtube - and have been listening to this song almost everyday since I discovered it. 

It has 880 plays on iTunes! And if I'm not wrong it has a thousand plays on my old iPod :P

Like the title of the song, it truly gives me inner peace. I really have to thank Ketsana for this song. This song has helped me to get through tough times, back when I was still in Singapore and up till now. When I feel angry or stressed, sad or frustrated, I would just listen to this song to find a "balance" to my emotions and yep, this song is able to make me stable again. There are times in Singapore where I would put this song on repeat for an hour. Just to calm myself down.

So thank you very much Ketsana for this beautiful song. It has helped me a lot.

Talking about chanting, I'm currently doing my third resolution of the year! Which is to start my mini-book of Buddhism. I've been reading up a lot on Buddhist articles the past few days and it is pretty much an enlightening experience. I've been a bad Buddhist hah. I'm currently on the Noble Eightfold Path, and just finished on the Four Noble Truths. These two topics are the Buddha's first teachings after he gained enlightenment. Well I have heard and briefly read about them but I've never gotten into such depths like what I'm doing now. It is never too late to start I suppose! :)

I don't think I've told you this, but I have also been chanting Sutras everyday for... About a month? Or two? I forgot actually. But yes, I've been chanting 大悲咒 (The Great Compassion Sutra) and (般若波罗蜜多心经 (The Heart Sutra, or Prajna-Paramita Sutra) everyday, three times for each Sutra. It is also another resolution of mine to memorise these Sutras so that I can chant anywhere. And I've memorised almost the whole Sutra :D If you want to do the same, just chant everyday. Effortless memorising.

Now come the question - Why chant?

Okay this is a question I've been asking myself too. It is said that chanting the Great Compassion Sutra helps to alleviate or even free the sufferings of all living things. And to be honest, this is my main objective for chanting the Sutra everyday. As for the Heart Sutra, like I once mentioned in a post last month, I love the wisdom of the Sutra, and chanting everyday is like reminding myself of the wisdom of Prajna-Paramita everyday too. Reminder not to cling to the 5 aggregates, and be free of suffering.

And chanting the Great Compassion Sutra also helps to invoke compassion within us.

You know I read somewhere that chanting the Great Compassion Sutra may also clear all your bad karma, even the ones you had from your previous lives. But... I somehow don't really believe in this? I mean from what I know, whatever karma we create, good and bad, will always be there once created. And it cannot be cleared, and of course we will reap the good and bad karma as time goes by too. So I'm not sure if we can really clear our bad karmas simply by chanting.

And I also read somewhere that doubting a Dhamma is considered a sin.... Oh dear don't tell me I'm creating bad karma by "doubting" the benefit of chanting. But anyway like I said, I don't chant the Sutra to "clear" my bad karma, but mainly to wish and help free other living beings from their sufferings, and to invoke compassion within me. If chanting the Sutra helps to cleanse my bad karma then of course, I am thankful for it. But these two are my main objectives for chanting.

But all in all, a few days ago I came upon a saying by the late Venerable Dr. H. Saddhatissa Mahanayaka Thero, who said that almost all Buddhist practices are nothing else but some form of meditation. And I think these words sparked a bit of enlightening flame within me. Come to think of it, I do feel that chanting is a form of meditation too? Where we sit down, quietly, calmly, and do nothing but chant. After every chanting session, I feel calm and peaceful. And my mind is "light" and fresh. 

I remember a wonderful saying by Shunryu Suzuki Roshi: "In meditation, leave your front door and back door open. Let thoughts come and go. Just don't serve them tea."

From this quote, I have this analogy for our minds. Our mind is like a house. And everyday this house is being visited by a lot of guests known as thoughts and emotions. Imagine having a lot of guests coming to your house throughout the day. You'll feel tired right? So... When is the time of the day when you don't have these guests in your house? It's either when you're asleep, or when you're resting. You can help your house rest, by meditating, and chanting! These two activities are the times in your day when your mind doesn't have guests. When your mind is finally resting.

And like I've always believed, our mind is a very powerful thing. By letting your mind rest, you're training and taming your mind. And by training your mind you can do some powerful things with it. So I suppose this is where the healing part of chanting comes from. Some Sutras are deemed to help alleviate sickness and pain, some are able to heal too. So in a way, you're "healed" and "blessed" and "blissed" not because you chant the Sutras, but because you unconsciously train your mind while chanting the Sutras, and yup, your mind helps you to "heal" your condition. 

But anyho, I am just a human being. These are just my thoughts and my opinion so they are definitely not a 100% correct and proven true. At the end of the day, the teachings that I found to be true are the teachings of the Buddha - The teachings which I seek refuge in. And the way I want to follow is the Boddhisatva's way. Where I hope to help free the suffering of all living things on earth. And hence, like I said previously, I hope I can help alleviate the sufferings of all living things by chanting the Great Compassion Sutra, and I hope I can get the wisdom of Prajna-Paramita by chanting the Heart Sutra. 

Alright that's all for now, time to chant the Sutras soon! May all living things be happy :)

Searching For Music

 I've been looking for this album for years

Okay so I was reading my old blog posts from March and I realised I didn't blog about one thing I was supposed to blog! Alright it's nothing much but it's a rather interesting story.

For as long as I can remember, while I was still in Singapore, I always went to bed with Channel News Asia turned on on my TV. After they go off-air, they would just air the news-reel with beautiful new age music in the background. I have always wanted to know the title of the songs they played. I used Soundhoud, Shazam etc and they didn't come with any result. I even emailed CNA and asked about the music used but they replied me with "It's for an in-house production, not for commercial use".

I was feeling really disappointed. So before I left Singapore for good, I actually recorded the song on my iPod just for memory keepsake. Until this year I stumbled upon that recording again, and I was just Googling "How to look for the title of unknown music". Most of the answers return with Shazam and Soundhound but I know they don't work. Then I read further and it says.... "Upload a video file of the music to Youtube and Youtube will tag the music used in the video". Voila, I found my answer.

I did that and... Yes! I got the title of the music used in the video. Turned out it is called Voice Ballet (A) by Kevin Malpass. I was pretty excited and went to iTunes store straightaway to look for it. I couldn't find it, and so I turned to Google. And... My hope was crushed once again. The CD was released in 2000. 15 years ago! It is not available digitally anywhere. But then I saw someone selling the album on eBay and I just went to get it right away, and I got the CD about a month later!

I was feeling so happy, to finally get the music I've been wanting to get so badly for years. I was listening to the album on my Discman and man, it felt like I was back in Singapore. Those late nights, falling asleep to these songs. The songs in the album is only some of the music used for their off-air news reel though. Some of the other songs come from another album, which I don't know what. I totally regretted not recording the other songs used. But anyway, Voice Ballet (A) is my favourite.

Okay here's the only video reference of the song that I found in Youtube:

Voice Ballet (A) by Kevin Malpass

Used in some winery (?) video 

Okay, some of you might freak out to know the distance I would go to get my favourite music. But yes, this is the distance I would go to. And don't even ask about owning a physical form of the music. I will fight for it even harder! :P This is by far the "furthest" I went to get my favourite music.

Can you believe it's May already! Time flies isn't it. It's the first of May and we do celebrate Labour Day too. So it was a "day off" for me but hey, like I said, there's no such things as a day off for me hah. In fact I was settling some delivery today. But nevertheless it is a pretty chill day for me. A gloomy one too because the hometown was just covered with thick grey clouds hmm.

We've been enjoying three days of blue skies and sunshine though.

Alright, here's wishing a Marvelous May ahead for everyone! Seriously can't believe we're almost halfway into 2015. It feels like it just started yesterday. Have a great weekend people.

Lost in Time

 Telisik by Danilla

Whew, today has been a very very happening day. But well, I suppose it is a sweet ending to April. A month that to me, seems to fly so so fast. It didn't feel like a month has passed. It felt like... 2 weeks have passed, within these 29 days. Perhaps I was really busy, there's always something that I have to do everyday. People to meet, things to settle, this and that. But well, it's ending well! :)

It's like 4:40 AM now and I just finished doing some work. I discovered a wonderful female singer from Indonesia who has become a new favourite singer of mine now! Her name is Danilla and I just bought her debut album, Telisik, which arrived today! So I was just listening to the album while doing work just now, and it felt heavenly. Love her voice, and it's a perfect accompaniment for the late night.

I love the night, as you know it. It feels so blissful to be in the silence and calmness of the night, listening to wonderful music, and watch time goes by. It's like... I started doing work at 3:30 AM and when the whole album finished, it was already 4:15 AM! I was just pretty engrossed with the music and work I suppose, that I didn't take note at the amount of time that has passed by.

Anyway, it's the end of the month. Time to share the music I discovered in April!

Great Music of April:

- Hermes by Hayato Hirose

- Icarus by Madeon

- The City by Madeon

- Turning Back Around by Rhodes

- The Lakes by Rhodes 

- Dancin (Krono Remix) by Aaron Smith 

- Swim Deep by Brolin

- Ada di Sana by Danilla

- If You Don't Mind by Lightcraft

- Untuk Perempuan Yang Sedang Di Pelukan by Payung Teduh

Song of the month: Dancin (Krono Remix) by Aaron Smith

Hermes is actually one of the two set pieces for this year's concert band SYF! It is such a sweet but grandeur music and I think the kids in this year's SYF are pretty lucky to be able to play this for SYF.

I discovered Madeon through Brenda and he just released his new album called Adventure! Pretty much love the vibe and energy of the songs in this album! Feels very fresh and uplifting to me, makes me wanna go for an Adventure :P Rhodes also just released his new EP Turning Back Around and I love all of his songs in this EP! My favourite would be Turning Back Around. I can't wait for his album.

Dancin (Krono Remix) by Aaron Smith is such an addictive song! I actually discovered this song like last year I think, through the channel The Sound You Need. But it is not available for download in Soundcloud or iTunes. But then I discovered that it is available in iTunes on the 19th of April! So I patiently waited for it. Although strangely, I discovered that it's been there all along (and not released on 19th of April) so... I'm not sure. But oh well whatever the case, I have the song now and I'm addicted.

I discovered Brolin while streaming Soundcloud one night. His song Swim Deep was playing and I was like hmm I love the beat of the background accompaniment and well, I'm hooked! Bought his song on iTunes right away. He also has a song called Reykjavik and somehow it reminds me of my time there.

Alright I haven't really given a proper proper listen to the albums I bought in RSD but these are some of my favourite songs from the albums I got there. The opening music for Lightcraft's album Colours of Joy is a wonderful song and it really made me want to listen to the rest of the album! Untuk Perempuan Yang Sedang Di Pelukan (For the woman who's being hugged) by Payung Teduh is by far my favourite song from them. The rest of the album is amazing as well. Such a beautiful Indonesian talent!

Yup, these are the awesome music that I discovered in April! I am pretty stoked for the next coming months cause so many of my favourite bands/artists are releasing their albums! So many of them, that I decided to create a list of their release dates haha. Alright, I hope April has been a wonderful month for you too! April has marched on, come what May! :P See you soon again.

Nostal-gila

Okay so somehow somewhat, this favourite old song of mine was playing inside my head last night. It's the famous Johnny Hates Jazz song, Shattered Dreams! I know this song through my late aunt, and together with my cousins, this became our favourite song back then. Although we don't even know what the song was about and what the lyrics are. So yes, it's pretty nostalgic reuniting with this song again.

I know this is kinda embarrassing but we created a dance to that song when we were young.

But anyway, thanks to this one song, I was feeling nostalgic about everything. I began downloading some old songs which I don't have on my laptop now. JHJ songs, and also Breathe's song "Hands to Heaven", which is a song I clearly remember listening to in Gold 90 FM when I was in Singapore. You know back then we have no Soundhound or Shazam. So I had no choice but to wait for the radio DJ to announce the song after that. But sadly this song is always played during off-air haha.

So last night I just Googled the lyrics and found it! There are a few more song which I still don't know the title but well, I don't know the lyrics. Man, I wish I had all the CDs of these great songs and artists! You know when I was in primary school, Gold 90 FM is the only radio station I listen to. So I actually know a lot of oldies from the 70-80s. Which is something my friends found me weird of hah. 

To continue my nostalgia, I streamed Gold 90 FM online just now (don't you just love technology!). And they were playing Kelly Clarkson's A Moment Like This and I thought to myself: "Isn't this kind of a recent song?" Until I realised that it is actually 12 years recent! Like what the fish man seriously. Thirteen years ago! Can you believe it. Time flies like a boss really.

Although actually I only started following American Idol from their 3rd season. But I know Kelly Clarkson won the first season, and that "A Moment Like This" was a pretty famous song back then. I can still remember quarreling with my friend over who should win the second season. I was rooting for Fantasia Barrino while my friend was rooting for Diana. Man, those were the days!

Not sure why but I've been missing those late nights when I was still in Singapore. Quiet nights, listening to radio or watching the TV. Well, I just miss Pandan Valley heh. I remember when I was in Primay 5 I used to spend late nights at Vesti's room with her brother Bobby. We would play PS2 or just chat around, and deciding where to go the next day (cause it was holiday already). And cause we were making quite a loud noise back then, my guardian complained to me. Oops.

It's just pretty surprising how fast time could fly. It feels weird to realise we are here now.

After traveling through this life, through the years.