Loneliness // Aloneness

It's apparently some Single's day today, which is a weird day to begin with. A day to celebrate being single? A day for singles to down their sorrow by shopping? Hahaha. I'm not sure. But lets talk about something related to being single - loneliness! I wouldn't deem it as a negative thing tho.

I recently saw a IG story of an Instagrammer I followed and he was discussing about a book, I forgot the title but it's about being alone. And he mentioned about how he often doesn't realise that he does a lot of things alone. And that really strike a chord inside of me. Because I kinda do the same!

Okay I'm not completely alone here. I have my family and so on. But compared to my days in Singapore, I have become someone who's way less socially active heh. I have adapted a routine that revolves around work and family and so on. As for my social activity, it's almost close to none hah.

I mean the only people I interact with are my family and my workers. I don't have any friends here. Which is fine, I mean we're all adults now and my friends here are either married or working out of town. And of course, my close friends are all in Singapore and that's okay too. 

I don't necessarily feel lonely at all here. Perhaps I have gotten used to being alone; even way back when I was still in Singapore. There are moments where I do realise that I am alone. Like on weekends I would just spend it at home, alone in my room. Journaling, blogging, listening to music and so on. And it's not something bad for me. I kinda enjoy it and it's something that I live with.

But there are days where I also think about the future - if my life will remain like this forever. And the thought of changing this with the addition of somebody else. Will I enjoy it more? Or will my peace be disturbed heh. I'm not socially dismissive tho! Like I'm fine with human interactions heh.

Just that I feel as I grow older, I am more inclined to have interactions that matter. I really have no time for small talks and conversations that get me nowhere. Hollow relationships and so on.

You see I still see myself staying single forever. I am not worried about not finding someone heh. But at the same time I'm also having an open mind about being in a relationship. Although to be honest all these years, the former still reign supreme in my heart. I enjoy being alone - without being lonely!

I don't really like the idea/thought that we all need a partner in our lives. Like we have to be in a relationship and so on. I hope I don't sound crude but I have a philosophy that we need to be able to be happy with ourselves first. Because if we rely on other people for happiness, trust me, we'll be miserable. But of course I'm not saying that we should all be single haha. It's just me.

I also don't like the idea that a couple "completes each other". I think we're all whole as human beings but our companion should complete each other, not our union. I hope you get what I mean.

I had a conversation about this once - someone asked me "who's going to take care of you when you're old?" Well my answer to that is - myself! Hahaha. Like well I would love to learn how to take care of myself, and how to be self sufficient. Then I can rely on myself and not anyone else. Until the day arrives where I can no longer take of myself. Then that's another problem to think about heh.

Which is why all in all, I don't see loneliness as a negative thing. Or perhaps I don't really like to call it loneliness but solitude. The art of being alone is something difficult to learn. But I'm eager to master!

Spinning // Slowing

Perhaps this world has enough people that keep it spinning. 

Perhaps it needs more people that slow it down.

I came across with this thought a while back. When I saw this photo that I shoot when I was in Singapore, after it got developed. It's just a random thought after seeing these skyscrappers that are constantly built everywhere. Not just Singapore but around the world. And this is our world.

We often hear the saying "money makes the world go round" and well it's kinda accurate. Some days it feels like we're just caught in this money chase. And it is in these chase that the world keeps "spinning". Sometimes it goes too fast that we don't even know what we passed through.

So perhaps yes, we have enough people that keep this world spinning. And we need more people that slow it down. People who have seen through this "chase". People who live not for this "chase". These are the people that can slow down the spinning of this world. People who create arts and make people stop and ponder. People who write stories that make people sit and read and contemplate. People who make music that make the world slow down. And make people be at peace.

But at the end of the day I often feel that... We're all sucked into this vortex of the chase. Some days I feel that we're made to be part of the chase. I'm not sure by what and by who. But... It's there.

Outweighs

I took this photo of St Andrew's Cathedral back in my trip to Singapore last month from the hotel room. City Hall will always be a sentimental place for me. After all, I spent 5 months learning English before I entered primary school at a language centre in Adelphi centre. It's called NYU Language centre.

My class starts at 9:30 AM every day. I would leave the house by 8 AM and I have to catch the train (with my housemate back then, Vesti) from Clementi by 8:45-9 AM ish. I remember how we would rush to go to the train station if we're late. Or how sometimes I have to go to the toilet to do some unfinished business before reaching class hahaha. Crazy to think it's been 17 years since all these!

And so I have to walk along that long walkway from the MRT to Adelphi centre, walking along the Cathedral. Sometimes I would meet some of my classmates and we would walk together. I kinda miss those days. Life was so much simpler. We would go for lunch at 11 till 12 at Funan foodcourt. My favourite was the chicken rice (as always) or the Korean food. Sometimes my friends would treat each other drinks as we help one another to buy them from the drinks stall.

But you know what I miss the most from those days?

I miss the days where certainty seemed to outweigh holding on to a hope. 

Somehow in those days, I didn't worry much. I lived my life as if things "will go according to plan". I would learn English, go for my entrance test at a primary school, attend primary school, take my PSLE, move to secondary school and so on. It was as if life felt so certain. I mean of course, anything could happen you know. But somehow I seemed to live my life as if whatever I imagined and believes will definitely happen. And now... Everything seems to be the opposite.

Perhaps I've truly learned that the only certainty in life is uncertainty itself. And there's no way I can be sure that everything is certain. Now I hold on to hope more. Because I know that nothing is certain for sure! Sometimes I feel sad thinking about this. But hey, it's life. There's no denying this.

Blogtober Done

It's the last day of October which means... I'm done with Blogtober! Hooray. As if anyone reads this blog hahaha. But yes I'm glad I stick to my plan and finished this "challenge". It was rather hard at first, especially in the first week of October. Had quite a lot of things to do and I had to like blog 2-3 days in one shot (sorry). But I think I got the better hang of it as time went by whoop.

Although... I'm still sticking to my view that I don't like blogging every day haha. But hey Blogtober isn't so bad, I just blog whatever I feel like blogging. And yeah I don't have to do a "proper" blogpost. More of this later on, I have something to talk about... Regarding the future of the blog.

Anyway it's been an enjoyable Blogtober thus far. I might continue till the end of the year, where I'll hit my target of blogging 100 posts for the year. I hope you had an Outstanding October. Here's to a Nourishing November for all of us. Gosh, two more months to 2020. Thanks for sticking with me!

Better Now

It's the 2nd last day of October already! Wow, I think this month flew by pretty quickly somehow. As always, I believe that once we passed September, the year will just breeze by till December heh. And soon enough January will be ahead of us. And the cycle will go on. Life of humans really heh.

Anyway let me share with you lots of great music of October! Lots of great albums are released in this month, and a few songs too! Also there are news of artists coming back which make me excited!

Great Music of October:

- Onwards to Zion by Vancouver Sleep Clinic (album)

- Pony by Rex Orange County (album)

- Dream Girl by Anna of The North (album)

- Cry by Cigarettes After Sex (album)

- Hamba Jaring Cahaya, Hamba Bela Gelapnya by Tashoora (album)

- Better Now by Oh Wonder

- Orphans by Coldplay

- Youth by Asgeir

- Hates Me by Otherliine

- My Love Was Like The Rain by Lapsley

Song of The Month: Fever by VSC

Okay I won't go into details of each albums/songs, but yes I love these releases of the month! I am also very excited to see the comeback of Lapsley, Coldplay and Asgeir. Asgeir really caught me by surprise heh, I thought he'll be releasing new materials next year. Looks like we're in for an earlier surprise! I'm very excited for Lapsley's EP, Coldplay's new album next month and Asgeir's in Feb.

There's really a lot of new albums and I've been taking my time listening to them fully. I especially love Rex's new album Pony. I was giving it a few plays and it's a wonderful album. Definitely one of my top 10 albums of 2019! Talking about albums... I need to compile the albums of 2019 list soon heh.

Alright. Closing off this blogtober series tomorrow. See ya again.

Slow Down

Perhaps this world has enough people that keep it spinning

And it needs more people that slow it down.

Cirafilm 200, Singapore.

No Water

I'm currently blogging at 5 AM now... It's just ridiculous and annoying how we have no water till Tuesday 3 AM just now on Monday! And the incoming water was so little that we couldn't fill our tanks urgh. I'm not exactly sure what's happening but yeah. The dry season is no joke man.

Today was incredibly hot. It was 32 degrees and the wind blowing was warm. There was not pleasant breeze at all. It's crazy to think that we're already approaching November yet the weather is still as hot as this. And that it is still very dry. In fact I think 2019 is the weirdest year in terms of weather. 

I feel like we have an inconsistent rainy and dry season. It was raining till June-ish. Cause I still remember that it was still raining during the Hari Raya Holiday so that's about June right. July was starting to get dry but we receive rain here and there. August-September the dry season was really intense! And in October we have a couple of rainy days, followed by a week of dry, hot weather again.

Not exactly sure what is going on. But yeah. Global warming is real guys.