Yet To Come

It's been such a hectic end of month fiasco as usual, and I'm just stopping by here to blog before I get back to work! Whew it's been crazy hectic. Lots of people meeting, and also we had the CNY flower delivery yesterday, and tomorrow we're going to continue again. Well it's been quite successful so yay.

Anyway I just wanna talk about the great music of January in this short post!

Great Music of January

- Heard It In A Past Life by Maggie Rogers (debut album!)

- Midnight Parade by The Day (album)

- Sweet Time by Raveena

- No Better by Raveena

- Knock Me Off My Feet by Soak

- Lihtsus by Mick Pedaja

Song of the month: Yet To Come by The Day

Alright the year started off well musically with my first anticipated album of 2019, Maggie Rogers' debut album! And it's such a wonderful album and I'm so happy for Maggie for releasing it to the world. Heard a few of the songs before release as they're singles but the rest of the album is amazing too. Some of my favourites include Burning, Retrograde and Light On! I wanna see her live :D

I am also obsessed with a new band that I recently discovered like... 2 weeks ago? It's The Day and also their debut album, Midnight Parade. I chanced upon them on my release radar playlist. The song discovered was Where The Wild Things Are. But I gave their album a listen from top to bottom and wow. I am blown away. I really love the album! It's such a wonderfully crafted album really.

Discovered two new artists this month: Raveena and Mick Pedaja. Discovered Raveena while my Spotify radio was playing. And wow she's such a chill artist! I love her songs and how chill they are. Been enjoying listening to them during my drives. And I discovered Lihtsus by Mick Pedaja from my release radar playlist as well. I'm not sure how an Estonian artist can land in that playlist but wow I'm glad I discovered him! I love that song, it gives me a very... Breezy feeling heh.

And also I'm excited for Soak's new album coming in April after listening to 2 of her singles! Knock Me Off My Feet is such an awesome tune. Just the kind of song you wanna bop on!

Alright that's all from me this time. I am quite excited for February, one because there's CNY and two, because there's a few album release I'm excited for! One of them is Men I Trust debut album, which I don't know when they'll release it. They just say February haha. Alright, I'll see you soon.

Spring Cleaning

Hello hello hello. Man it's been so long since I blogged and yes I can explain. I'm pretty annoyed cause for the past 4 days my internet died. And it truly died on the most perfect timing - when I'm finished with work and ready to just relax by using the internet haha. Well I called the technician yesterday and it turned out that there was something wrong with the router. He couldn't manage to find a replacement since it was almost evening time so he went to deliver it today.

And here I am now. Well I'm just annoyed cause err I was actually quite free last week and indeed I was planning to blog on some nights last week. But well, whatever it is, pretty sure things happened for a reason. And they did, cause I manage to do some spring cleaning! Well I did most of the work yesterday, but I did more tidying up on Friday and Saturday night. Pretty satisfied.

Anyway I am feeling satisfied that I am finished with my spring cleaning haha. I always do it before CNY, it's been a habit since when I was in Singapore. Actually I just learned about the habit of spring cleaning after I came to Singapore. I never heard about this tradition back when I was still in Indonesia. So I've been doing it since P6 I think. Back in Singapore I would always do it before I came back to Indonesia (if I was flying back). And it's always satisfying!

Also I'm quite proud of myself because well since 2016-ish, I've decided to adopt the minimalist lifestyle. Even though I'm far from being a "true" minimalist, I am proud that... I never really add anything into my room for the past few years! I was clearing out a lot of stuff and most of these stuffs were from the 2013/2014 era, or even stuff from Singapore. My cupboard is now emptier than before so yes. I'm proud. The only thing that increases in numbers is... My records haha.

As always, I will always stumble upon things from the past while spring cleaning. 

And now, presenting to you.... #thingsyoufindwhilespringcleaning!

Clockwise: Movie tickets (some dated to 2009), TSMB badge, 17th birthday cards from Brenda and Cheryl, the pen I used for O Levels, concert tickets (also some from 2009), my first Esplanade pass

Okay first of all there is one object that I am very surprised and happy to stumble across. It is this pouch that was given by my dearest 1A02 class in year one. I was given this pouch I think because I was class treasurer or something? So I was in charge of collecting money for class fund, to get birthday presents for our classmate and so on. And thus I was given this pouch to handle receipts, cash and so on. Well I did use it for that purpose, but after that, I used it for something else.

So I found that pouch again yesterday and to my surprise, there were "treasures" from my life in Singapore back 7-10 years ago. A stash of movie tickets, concert tickets, boarding passes and whatever tickets that I can keep. I was pretty surprised with this discover to be honest. Weirdly speaking, I have kinda forgotten about this (weird?) habit of mine. So to discover them again it feels... So weird. Like I'm happy to discover them, and I miss those days a lot!

I think I find it really weird that we seem to go through moment by moment, day by day, year by year, without knowing how we will look back upon these days in the future. Perhaps we'll see sadness, we'll see joy, and so on. We don't really know man. But I hope that we can all live our days fully so that we can always look back on the past with a smile. And of course hopefully we can all move forward with a more positive outlook in life, that as time goes by, we'll fill our life with days we can smile back upon.

But we can never live a life without the down sides. So hey, let us all just smile because we have made it this far! Through the pain and tears and sorrow that have made us who we are today.

Man yesterday was such a sentimental day for me. It was fun looking back. And I'm kind of eager to know how I will feel when the future me looks back on this Sunday that I'm living in.

Love Your Butt

Sorry for the awkward title but last week has been quite painful for me and my butt. I had a huge ass boil on my butt and it was pretty excruciating haha. Well it actually burst last Saturday and thanks to my mum for helping me drain the abscess and puss. But after Saturday, the boil hasn't really healed properly so it was painful here and there. I had to slowly move to find a comfortable position to sit, and sometimes when the boil brushed against my underwear, it stings!

Well like they say, you never know what you have till its gone. Like how comfy your butt is hahaha.

Thankfully the boil has subsided a lot now and it's no longer painful. Sometimes it stings here and there but most of the time it's not. It was quite annoying cause last week, meditating felt like a chore to me heh. Meditating is always something I look forward to every day but last week it was ouch.

Anyway that's a very random update of my life. We've already went through 2/3rd of January now. Man, 19 days of 2019 has passed can you believe it! Well apart from me feeling shitty last week, we have quite a subtle start to the year. Things are going to get pretty exciting soon, with CNY coming. Which means my family is gathering soon and also we have the flower harvest coming.

Well, I'm still making my way to get myself out of these blue days. And I will. I guess.

Born To Go Extinct

The Rare Earth channel is one of my favourite channels on YouTube that I discovered last year. The way they tell stories, the cinematography, and everything combined, is so eloquent and beautiful. I remember chancing upon them through the video about Easter Island. And I become a fan since then.

This is another beautiful and interesting video about the beginning of this planet. As someone who's always intrigued with the whole universe and this planet we call home, this video strikes a chord with my heart. And not only that, they also manage to talk about life in general, I love this passage:

"For the last few hundred thousands of years, we've been king. Our species has blossomed to corners of the earth. We're the most complex life that has ever existed. Shifts in climate, biology and atmosphere have brought us to these heights and no doubt, shifts in the same will destroy us. There is no meaning to life, at least none that will satisfy us. Our purpose here is not to know the meaning but to live, to thrive and eventually to go extinct."

I don't know why but this brought me comfort in a whole new level.

Low

This week has been a harsh week. I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I don't think I can write and tell you what it's all about, it's just I wasn't being myself. Or maybe I was being myself, a part of myself that nobody knows, and a part of myself I don't want the world to know. Just weird.

Been feeling moodless to do things throughout the week. And I'm just trying to slowly get up and be "normal" again. But along the way things felt difficult somehow. 

Also I need to make a new plan to keep up with my 100 posts a year. Come back soon.

Happy New Year 2019!

Alright I know I'm like 5 days late but nevertheless,

Wishing you a Happy New Year 2019! May this year be a better year for all of us :D

I've been wanting to blog since the first day of the new year but well, I've been busy with stuff these past 5 days! On the first I was preparing for work as we reopen on the 2nd. On the 2nd I had delivery to do and some work at night, on the 3rd I was doing stocks, and last night I was doing work as well! So yes, I didn't have much free time the past 4 nights. Thankfully it's Saturday now and I'm free whew.

Well apart from being busy with work, I was also experimenting on something new actually... More on this on a separate new post haha. I think it should be dedicated on a special post on its own.

Anyway another new year is here! Hmm well it's been like 3 years I think since I don't feel excited for the new year. Not because I'm dreading it, but because I kinda have accepted that time just goes on and on. Especially when you are in the working world. A new year may come, but you are still going to carry on whatever you are doing the year before, in hope that you will do it better in the new year.

So year is just a concept of time. Like a checkpoint or something. I don't really feel excited for every new year because I know we are all just moving forward. Neither am I dreading it. I think in every new year, the right word for me to use is... Hoping? Anticipating? Hoping for better and brighter days ahead. Hoping for more wisdom and more guidance as we move forward. I'm also anticipating because we're all going to experience something new. Every new day coming is a mystery.

For instance my country is going to have a presidential election this year. Brexit seems to be coming too for the UK (which will definitely have an impact on the world), and so on and forth. Well I think we're all just hoping for the best in the coming new year. No one can predict the future really.

Alright that's all for now I guess. As usual I don't have any resolutions. And I'm just going to simply add them along the way. But I'm still going to definitely blog at least a 100 posts here! See you soon.

In 2018...

It's the last dawn of the year and as usual, here I am writing and reflecting about the year. To be honest, as I'm sitting down here on my chair, blogging, I don't really know how to describe 2018. I really can't put it into words. Because 2018 has officially become the weirdest year that I've went through. It is really weird. So yeah don't expect a lengthy reflection post for this year!

To put it simply, I felt a lot of different emotions, feelings and be visited with a lot of different thoughts that I've never felt before. It feels like I was caught in a whirlwind of many different emotions and thoughts that could feel overwhelming at time. If it's not for the 4 years of meditation that I've been doing, I think I'm not sure where I'll be now haha. So thankful for that.

I used to really befriend uncertainty. I used to just give in and let life take me wherever it wants to take me, trusting on the journey and the process that I am going through. Yet at the same time, I feel the opposite this year. I feel like I am thirsty for certainty. I wish I can know how will life unravel for me. I wish I can know what the future holds for me. And of course, all of these are impossible.

I no longer just give in, but I started to think more about myself. And it is hard, because when this happens, ego plays a part. You start to think if you deserve this love, or you're just being selfish.

But amidst all of these confusion, I did learn a huge lesson that the flowers have taught me.

"You can't stop a flower from blooming

as much as you can't stop life

from unraveling what it has in store for you.

So be brave, have faith and keep going

because you can't stop the flower from blooming"

This was what I told myself, after experiencing the flowers in the farm blooming much faster than they are supposed to bloom heh. Which brought me a bit of comfort, and remind me again to just be here in the moment, and stop being frightened by uncertainty, because it is the only certain thing in life!

I think I do understand that I am growing up. I am no longer that young kid, that poly graduate and so on. There is a life that I have to live, and I am going to live. And who doesn't love some certainty. Who doesn't love knowing the future. And who are able to do those? Nobody.

Well if I can sum up 2018 in 3 words, it would be: trust the process. And I think it will be one thing that will be in my mind for a long time now. A short and simple reminder that we just have to keep on going really. To keep on holding on, to just do what we can do in the amount of given time.

2018 has also made me question about a lot of things in life. The things I went through have definitely made me question about a lot of things. About money, about the purpose of life, about the meaning of life. And so on. They say life will get interesting and also tough at the same time when you begin to ask these kind of questions. So here's me wishing that I will find the fragments of answers to these really difficult questions that we will ask one day in our lives.

I also do feel like a failure this year because well personally there isn't much things that I have achieved. I broke my promise of traveling somewhere I've never been before every year. I didn't achieve many goals but I know I don't have many either heh. But like I said I don't want to punish myself for not achieving them. I hope I can continue to make the new year a better one.

On the other hand, I did change my habits and even form new ones too! I think they are quite life-changing for this year. For instance I changed my chanting time to the morning when I wake up. I managed to meditate longer this year (15-20 minutes now, compared to the previous 10). I also managed to find my joy in journaling again, and I'm going to try something new in the new year.

Also I feel like I've become more of a spiritual hippie this year. I read up a lot about spiritual stuff this year and I feel like I've made a click to them. Or more like... I've re-built some connections I've lost with these stuffs. Because I think I was more of a spiritual person in the 2014-ish era. But somehow I've changed and now I feel like I'm going back again. And it feels good.

You know if 2017 was a year that taught me not to lose hope, and how it is a year where life had shown me the way (and that there will always be a way), I feel like 2018 was a year of test given by life. Where it doesn't show my anything, but it is trying to teach me of patience, hope and just perseverance. 

And I surely do hope that whatever I learn and went through this year, will give me a better energy and better footing for 2019. And well I think I kinda do.

As usual, I'm not going to write any goals or resolutions for the new year. I'm just going to enter the new year and slowly by slowly, I'm going to add new goals and resolutions and share it with you. I did have some plans already, and I can't wait to make it into a fruition!

Well well, 2018, what a year it has been. The weirdest year I've been through and it is a year where I can't explain much, and can't put much words into it. But whatever the case is, I hope you 2018 has been treating you well. I hope 2018 has made you into a better person. Even if you feel that you have changed, even if you have went through shitty times in this year, I hope you come out of this year as a stronger, better and more mindful person. That whatever you went through, had made you stronger! Yup, that's all for this year I guess. Here's me wishing you an adventurous and beautiful 2019 ahead.

Before I bid farewell to this year, I hope you will always remember this:

Be brave, have faith and keep going.

Trust the process

Somehow, somewhere, someday,

everything will make sense.