Alive

 Alive

It's the 3rd last day of 2017 can you believe it! I'm so so... Excited. Meh. Hahaha. Anyway I wanna talk about something today. One of the greatest err... Feelings? Lessons? That I have learned this year. I'm gonna start my reflection tomorrow night. As usual, on the dawn of the last day.

I'm not sure how to put it but in 2017, I felt really "alive" in a sense that I learned a lot from the things that happened in this year, and on 2016 as well. All of the things I experienced, both nice and not so nice things, they made me feel alive. It's a weird word to describe, I know.

I would say that 2016 was a really challenging and "dark" time of my life. And I'm pretty glad that I actually made out of it alive haha. So as I entered 2017, I was determined not to dwell in the darkness and get out of it. Even though the early months of the year, I was still feeling uncertain.

But things changed along the way I guess. I'd like to quote a saying I came across once. 

"When things seem to fall apart, they may be falling into the right places".

One of the greatest lessons I learned in 2017 is that well, all of the fears and confusions that we come across in life, and everything else that we went through, they're actually leading us to somewhere. We might not know the place exactly but yeah. Somewhere.

I've always hated uncertainties. Come to think of it, who does! They are very daunting to me. But then again I learned in this year that the only certain thing in life, is uncertainty itself. So I'm learning to embrace them. With the belief that they too, will lead me somewhere.

Which I would like to quote another saying I found on the Artidote page on Facebook,

"Everything that you're going through, is preparing you for what you asked for"

Although I wouldn't say that I'm asking for something. But I'd like to believe that whatever I'm going through now, is leading me somewhere, and preparing me for something big and great!

Anyway I would say the biggest difference I felt this year is that instead of falling into the depths of worries, and the vortex of uncertainties, I decided to make them like a friend of mine. I embrace them with open arms. Whatever I can learn from them, I will keep. Whatever I dislike, I throw away into the void. I am learning to see the emptiness of everything.

Although I'm still so so far from perfecting this practice, I am slowly learning to embrace uncertainties like an old friend. I still wish I can be fearless to face everything in life. And I think that's what I am doing this year. I let myself experience "everything".

And through this "everything", I feel alive.