Anicca

  Impermanence

Hello! Alright I'm going to talk about my tattoo today. Sorry for taking so long to write about this! I was waiting for the tattoo to heal up so that I can take a proper picture of it heh

I've always wanted to get a tattoo since I'm in Polytechnic. I was just unsure about what to get! Although I grew up in a family that is pretty conservative about tattoos, I also grew up watching shows like Miami Ink and LA Ink (Shoutout to Ami James and Kat Von D). I watched these shows and I'm awed by two things - the stories to why people get tattoos, and how talented the tattoo artists are to deliver the design that the clients requested. They are so so creative and amazing!

Like I remember watching episodes of people getting tattoos in the memory of loved ones who passed away, and in particular I also remember an episode of a lady getting a tattoo to commemorate her last chemotherapy session. So yes despite of the conservative thoughts I had since young, I also learned another side of tattoos. And this really opened up my mind I guess.

So I knew that I wanted to get a tattoo one day when I grow up. I used to have crazy ideas, like I wanted to have a tattoo of a music score on my back. Or even that idea of having a world map and then shading each country that you have visited. And I was hoping to have every country shaded as I lay on my deathbed hahaha. But yes these are a bit over the top now that I think of it.

Also fun fact: I almost got myself a tattoo of the map of Iceland on my back while in Reykjavik.

As I grow up I am more drawn into minimalistic tattoos? So I knew that I wanted to get a text-tattoo as my first. Or maybe a very simple design or symbol. I was reading up about getting your first tattoos etc and one of the important points that a lot of people covered is that the tattoo must have a meaning to you (obviously!). There's an article I read that if you really can't decided on a tattoo, have the design/word of the tattoo in front of you every day. If in 3 months you decided to change your mind, or you're still hesitant, then it's not it! Well in my case, I have an idea or concept for years.

And that idea is impermanence. One of my life's motto is, as you know it, "impermanence keeps me going". So I was torn between two choices. Either I have that sentence, or just a simple "anicca" for my first tattoo. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to just get Anicca.

So I met up with Ash, whom I got recommended by Vithya, when I was in Singapore. I did contact her two weeks before the trip to ask questions and her opinions. We set up an appointment (sorry for being late again!) and yup! After choosing the font, size etc, it was time to get inked!

 Time to get inked!

To be honest yes there is pain, but the pain is way less painful than I imagined it to be. In fact sometimes it feels ticklish more than pain hah. But of course, different parts of our body will take pain differently. The bonier the body part, the more painful it is. Also when you have lots of nerves like your palm etc. Okay won't go so much into this, just research it hah.

Now to why I decided to go with anicca. I have a really serendipitous and funny encounter with this word. It was back in 2012, during my Internship period back in year three. Basically I had a shitty week and I was just feeling so horrible. 2012 was the year that I spent alone in Singapore. FYP and Internship wasn't going well and something upsetting happened at work.

It was the second week in which I decided going to the temple (Mangala Vihara) every Sunday. I was hoping to seek some solace and peace by going to the temple for the Sunday Puja, after having that shitty week. So in Mangala Vihara, the parita (Buddhist texts) is shown on a screen where we can read together in front. There's the Pali text on the left, and the translation on the right. As someone who's been reciting Parita since primary school when I was still in Indonesia, I don't really read the screen.

But on that fateful day I just looked up on the screen and it was shown "Contemplation of Impermanence". I just looked up on the word impermanence and I remember I couldn't stop thinking about this word that whole Sunday. I've always regarded myself as a bad Buddhist, because back then (and now still) I didn't know a lot about Buddhism deeply. So on that night, I researched lots of Buddhist texts about impermanence and... I felt very relieved in a very weird way.

That was when I came up with my motto, impermanence keeps me going.

Anicca (impermanence) is one of the three marks of existence in Buddhism. Together with Anatta (non-self) and Dukkha (suffering). Basically, everything in life is impermanent and doesn't have a solid "self". And everything with these two characteristics, causes suffering (Dukkha). But once you realised this fact, you will begin your journey to liberate yourself from suffering.

To me impermanence is the most important of the three marks of existence. If we cannot accept this fact, we'll forever be unhappy. Like I always believe, we are all craving for permanence in this impermanent world. We always want things to always be good. We don't like suffering. We want to be happy. But when we come to a time where all the good things come to an end, we feel horrible like as if everything is the end for us. Because we love permanence.

Impermanence doesn't just refer to the fact that "everything comes to an end". It doesn't just refer to a time-point from A to B. So when people ask me what's the meaning of Anicca, and I replied with impermanence, they will reply me with "Oh you're referring to mortality right?". Yes, and there's more to that. Everything in life is impermanent. Not just our body, not just life itself.

Our thoughts, feelings, actions, words etc. They are all impermanent. And in this case, impermanent also refers to the idea that they are in constant change (hence not permanent). So you can feel happy about a movie now but maybe in the future you learn horrible things about the movie and you change the way you feel about it. And so on. So yes, impermanence doesn't just refer to time.

It also refers to a wave of constant change in life.

And this is why it keeps me going. The idea that good things will come to an end and so do bad things. The idea that you will leave everything behind, or things will leave you behind. Impermanence keeps me going because it teaches me to enjoy the good days before they say goodbye, and to keep on going during tough times because they won't last either.

And the idea that I will one day leave everything behind is very comforting to me.

Impermanence also taught me to live in the moment. Because the present moment is the peak of impermanence. Where the past has come to an end and the future is about to start.

But I'm not a perfect human being, nor am I a perfect Buddhist. It is VERY difficult to practise this. Because it is the nature of our mind to not be in the present heh. Our minds love going to places it shouldn't be in. It loves to wander anywhere, but here. But it is not impossible to do it. That's all I know. We can train our mind through meditation, and I've been doing that for three years now.

So yes. My serendipitous encounter with the word Anicca on that fateful Sunday at Mangala Vihara has opened up a huge window in my mind. It really changes the way I see life. 2012 wasn't exactly an awesome year for me. 2013 was coming up, and it was the year of big change for me. Upon realising this mark of existence, I felt better facing changes and uncertainties. And as life kept going, I'm always reminded again and again to why impermanence keeps me going.

And that's how I decided to get myself something permanent on this impermanent body of mine, that will forever remind me that everything is impermanent. Just like my body.

Anyway special thanks to Ash for getting my first tattoo! I love this tattoo and I'm looking forward to "completing" it by having Anatta on my right wrist. Also thanks Vithya for accompanying me to get it! I've been talking to her about getting tattoos and I finally have it! :)

As always, impermanence keeps me going. Thanks for reading!