Happy New Year 2020!

Hello hello, first of all wishing you a happy new year 2020! I can't believe we're back in the twenties again now haha. Well I hope 2020 will be a better year than 2019, and that it will be filled with joy, hope and as always, mindfulness! May we all be given courage, patience and wisdom to move forward in this new year, and let us all march forward together towards the horizon. Whew, can't believe a decade just went by like that. And here we are now, another new one. I wonder how it's gonna be.

Well nobody knows the answer to that except for time itself. But let us all take this decade day by day, week by week, month by month and eventually year by year. I'd love to quote Dr Seuss:

"So be sure when you step

step with care and great tact

and remember that

Life's a Great Balancing Act!

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft

And never mix up your right foot with your left"

From my favourite poem: Oh The Places You'll Go.

Anyway as mentioned last year (oh gosh last year felt so long ago haha), I won't be setting myself goals for this blog in 2020. I will not have a minimum number of post in a year and so on. But I do have plans on what I wanna do this time round. And that will be for another separate post.

Alright that's all from me on this first post of 2020! Okay I swear I've been enjoying saying "Twenty Twenty" the past 24 hours haha. Such a cool name for a year. And definitely my last 20s :P

Here's to a Terrific Twenty Twenty ahead folks!

In 2019...

Here we are again, on the dawn of the last day of the year. Just like the previous year... I don't know how to put 2019 into words. I don't even know how to describe it. Was it a weird year? Yes. Was it challenging? Yes. I thought it was a rather tough year. I felt confused and alone. I seem to crave certainty more and more. Even though last year I was teaching myself to not do so.

To begin with. I just felt like I become more and more afraid of life. I often wonder how things will work out even though no one knows the answer to this question. As life goes by I become more and more restless. I realise how futile having a hope is. Perhaps in an oxymoronic way, I have befriended uncertainty. I don't know what is coming and I'm just learning to take things day by day.

At the end of each year I often feel like a failure. Okay not a total failure. But I feel like I haven't achieved much as a human being. And that is all because I feel lost too. Like I once said I felt lost, I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what's my purpose and so on. It's annoying sometimes to think about it. I just feel like the world is putting lots of weight on me. Invisible weights perhaps?

And at the beginning of each year, I feel lost again. I feel like there is no point having grand plans and dreams and hopes and ideas. Because I feel like life is too uncertain and it is futile to have them. Things can change. And thus I've just been telling myself to take things day by day.

I have stopped writing resolutions and add them as the year goes by. And at the end of each year... I manage to accomplish most of them. Because I started off with little.

I understand that there are only two certain things in life: death and uncertainty itself. So when things change, when things don't go according to plans, I accepted them really.

Recently I just believe and told myself that life is a huge waiting game. It's just a tremendous game. Of how patiently, diligently and mindfully can we wait to see and witness how life will unfold and unravel itself to us. And see, feel and taste what it has in store with us. Then it's another game of how make use of these things that life has given us. And it just goes on and on. Till we die.

Some of us didn't make it to see the end game. Some of us decided to leave the game first. Some of us push on till the end, no matter how tough the journey is. We are all a customer of fate waiting in line. Thankfully though, we're free to do many things while we're queuing up. And not confined to a line where we can do nothing. We can do, feel and think many different things.

Last year I learned that we cannot stop the flower from blooming. This year I think is just a bug test of how I can patiently wait to see the flower blooming. The flower is blooming, though it hasn't bloomed. How long more can I wait. How long more can I go.Once again, no one knows the answer.

This whole pushing through and going through is taking a toll of my mental health. I know. It's tiring. But I just kept on telling myself to keep on going. I thought 2018 was hard but whew, 2019 was another level for my mental health. It's quite sad how I used to be an optimistic person. And I never expect myself to land on this position, this state right now. But folks here I am now.

But it is in this waiting game that I have learned something that is both difficult to learn, but liberating to accept. The idea that I am meant to be here. I am meant where I am meant to be. There are a few occurrences in this year that have taught me this great lesson. Again and again, life always tells me of this fact. That I'm here. And eventually I learn to go on. That life is leading me somewhere I'm meant to be eventually. A place that nobody but time and life only knows.

I have also learned something this year. It is to stop asking yourself questions that nobody knows the answer to. Until you have a full knowledge of what is going on, that's when you can start thinking of the answers. Once again, this is tough to practice. Because we are all craving for permanence.

As we bid farewell to 2019, we are also leaving a decade behind. Entering a new year, and a new decade. Well, it's been quite a decade isn't it? I feel like I go through a lot in the past decade that makes me learn a lot about myself. I went through a lot of things, tried a lot of things, experienced many things. Landing myself in places I never expected to land. I learned to befriend uncertainty. I have joyfully accepted impermanence, see the emptiness of things. Learned to walk in the dark and eventually dance with my own shadows. I have discovered different sides of me. Yet I feel I still have a lot to learn about myself. And there are still empty places for me to grow.

I think the Avicii's song Wake Me Up is a perfect song to sum up this decade. I've been searching for myself but I ended up being lost. But this journey has been quite an interesting one. Through being lost I kinda find myself. I kinda learn a lot about life. Though I land myself in the darkness, I also see the light. I learn to let go I learn to be strong. I may not know where life is taking me, and if I will ever find myself. But I learn to pick myself up little by little, on a journey of becoming whole.

It's been an interesting decade and I'm thankful for everything that I went through in these 10 years. They definitely have shaped me as the person I am now. I have learned many things. Am I dreading the new decade? Kind of. Am I still afraid of the future? Kind of. 

Am I excited to see what the next decade has in store for me (and us)? FUCK YES!

Alright that's all for 2019. Thank you for everything again, my dearest Clouds of Sunday. There'll be changes as we enter the new year but I will never leave you! I hope 2019 and this decade has been treating you well. I wish you a Tremendously Terrific Twenty Twenty! Let us all be patient, strong and as always, mindful as we watch the flower bloom. As life unfolds and unravels what it has in store for us.

Take care. And Happy New Year.

Great Music of 2019

Alright it's that time of the year again for the great music of 2019! Before we begin, lets start with the great music of December. Not many, and also there's no new album in this month heh.

Great Music of December:

- Lazy Giants by Asgeir

- Right Track/Wrong Man by Yumi Zouma

- Afraid To Fall by Gary B

- Good Karma by Gary B

- Fading by Shallou

Song of the month: Right Track/Wrong Man by Yumi Zouma

And now lets begin with the great music of 2019! Alright disclaimer first: I won't be doing what I did in my previous years where I list out all the new albums/music that I love this year. But I will list down the artists/bands I discovered this year, followed with my top 10 albums with a few special mentions, and then top 19 songs of the year (cause, 2019). And the acts I'm looking forward to in 2020! Here goes:

New Artists/Bands I discovered in 2019

[] Raveena [] The Day [] Mike Pedaja [] Geographer [] Hania Rani [] Sun Rai [] RKCB [] Egoism [] 

[] Mree [] Nitsua [] Satria Jaya [] Rosemary Fairweather [] Tashoora [] Henry Nowhere [] Work Drugs [] 

[] Litany [] Hindia [] Dameer [] Pictured Resort [] Postiljonen [] Miljon [] Gary B []

I discovered most of these artists/bands from Spotify in this year. And as usual the good old YouTube! Actually I discovered way more than these but these are the few that I really fall in love with. Spotify has definitely made discovering music more convenient. I'm excited to discover more in 2020 :)

Breakthrough artist of 2019: Hania Rani, Hindia, Tashoora, and The Day 

Here are my top ten (technically eleven) albums of 2019. I can't pick the number one!

1. A Thousand Fibres by Favela

1. forevher by Shura

2. Esja by Hania Rani

3. Menari Dengan Bayangan by Hindia

4. Everyday Life by Coldplay

5. Midnight Parade by The Day

6. Oncle Jazz by Men I Trust

7. Heard It In A Past Life by Maggie Rogers

8. Pony by Rex Orange County

9. Saves The World by Muna

10. Blue Sky In Your Head by Lighthouse Family

And here are a few special mentions!

1. Grim Town by Soak

2. Rouge by Yuna

3. Weather by Tycho

4. Onwards To Zion by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

5. Dream Girl by Anna of The North

6. Hamba Jaring Cahaya, Hamba Bela Gelapnya by Tashoora

Okay there are actually a total of 25 albums that are released by my favourite musicians this year. It's so hard to pick these really! Because they're really good. Well I'm not a music expert but I rank these not only from the music side but also my "relationship" with these albums. And in general, how I feel about the album as a whole. Here's why I pick my number ones and a few of the other albums.

A Thousand Fibres by Favela

This is a collaborative album by Favela and a few other artists. And I think Favela did it again! I really love the whole album because it really felt like a thousand fibres woven together to create a beautiful tapestry! As usual Favela's music made me feel emotions that I've never felt before. And it's so hard to put them into words. This album is no exception. I am really excited for more new music from him :)

forevher by Shura

This album is really something like wow! Haha. Okay first of all, I've never been in a relationship. Though I've been in love a few times hah (AKA have crushes). So I don't know the feelings and the things that one goes through when they are in a relationship. And to me this album encapsulates beautifully the whole journey of being in love and of being in a relationship. After listening to this album I really hope that I can find my special someone one day. And "go through" this album all over again :') 

Next up here are my top 19 favourite songs of 2019!

1. Carve Me by Favela ft Nick Brewer

2. forever by Shura

3. Eden by Hania Rani

4. Secukupnya by Hindia

5. Yet To Come by The Day

6. Rusks and Wine by Favela ft Pablo Nouvelle

7. Sun by Dameer

8. Super 8 by Lighthouse Family (see what I did here :P)

9. Forevermore by Yuna

10. Nista by Tashoora

11. Everyday Life by Coldplay

12. It Gets Better by Rex Orange County

13. Pink Light by Muna

14. Deja Vu by Soak

15. Retrograde by Maggie Rogers

16. Hallelujah by Oh Wonder

17. Kids In The Dark by Bat For Lashes

18. Yosemite by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

19. Summer of My Discontentment by Geographer

There are a lot of songs I discovered this year and I'm not gonna list everything haha. But here are 19 songs that really hit on me I guess. There are a few songs from the new albums that didn't make it here because those songs were released in the previous year and I've been listening to them heh (Like Men I trust and Maggie Rogers). It's so hard to make this list seriously hahaha.

Carve Me by Favela ft Nick Brewer, you can say, is really a song that sums up my 2019. Just read the opening lines and that's how I feel about this year. But also read the closing lyrics, and they are like my prayers and hope for the new year and for life itself. Favela describes the song as "an upward cry to be changed for greater purpose". I thought this sums up my hopes. I mean... I've been feeling lost for the past couple of years and I really wish I can change for the better. You know. 

Sun by Dameer is also another favourite because after reading his interview with Majestic Casual, I think the song is really telling a story that's kind of similar to what I'm facing now. And he puts it in such an upbeat and fun song, like as if telling the listener not to worry and that everything will work out for both parties. I am so excited for more new music from him in 2020. He's such a talent!

And here are some acts that I'm excited for in 2020! Some of them are releasing new albums in February and it's enough to make me feel pumped for the new year heh. Here goes!

Acts I'm looking forward to in 2020

[] Asgeir [] Oh Wonder [] PREP [] Favela [] Yumi Zouma [] Jonsi [] Dameer [] London Grammar [] 

[] Boy Pablo [] Hania Rani [] Lapsley [] Maggie Rogers [] Coldplay (?) []

Jonsi said in an interview that he's releasing new music soon, hopefully by summer 2020 I hope hehe. And a few of the bands/artists above did say about recording new materials lately so I'm pretty sure we'll listen to some new music from them whoop. As for Coldplay. Music of The Spheres. Inside the Everyday Life booklet. Coming soon. Cough cough. I'm very excited hahaha.

Alright that's all for this year's great and wonderful music. Once again it's been a year filled with great discoveries. And Spotify has made this process a convenient and awesome one. I'm excited to discover more new music next year and I'm also eager to hear some new music from my favourite artists and bands. And as always, to the musicians above, thank you for the music, the company

and for keeping me sane.

See you in 2020 with more great music!

Merry Christmas

First of all wishing you a Merry Christmas! I hope you had a wonderful day with your loved ones today. It's rather a quiet and chill Christmas here. I went to the farm as we still have delivery to do tomorrow heh. 2nd last one of the year! Also it was cloudy and rainy so it did add into the cosy and quiet vibes. 

Christmas has always been a sentimental day for me. A day where I contemplate about the past year and everything that has happened in it. Although as I grow older I don't really think much about these things. I think I am learning to become more mindful and aware of everything that has happened.

Spent the rest of the evening just at home. The end of the year always gives me that rest-vibe!

Merry Christmas once again :)

100!

It's Christmas Eve and I'm finally blogging the 100th post of 2019 hahaha. Well this year is a total failure of blogging for me. Not exactly total but... Without Blogtober I wouldn't be able to blog 100 posts by the end of the year, truth be told! Anyway I stick to my plan and I manage to do it :P

Anyway since it's the 100th post of 2019, I wanna talk about the future of this blog and what will happen in 2020. Well... I'm going to quit blogging. Just kidding HAHAHA. Not exactly call it quit!

First of all I will definitely not set a target of number of blog posts. AKA I will blog as and when I want. I will blog about whatever I have in mind, or just a short update on life. Not necessarily for people to read but mostly for the future me to read. Like when I come back to read again in the future, I'll know what's happening in that particular time of the year, and what's going on in life. It's kinda fun looking back.

Secondly I will no longer blog about music of the month. But more of sharing favourite music that I discovered randomly. And also that means no music of the year (see how it goes).

Thirdly I think I want to write... Proper posts. Not saying that my posts aren't proper but at least I want to write about certain topics. And I want to write it well. With structure and so on. Which leads me to my next plan... I want to share my posts! I never share my posts except for really special ones. And I'm thinking of sharing almost every post for people to read. Thus, I want to write proper ones!

Yup so far these are my plans for 2020. For clouds of Sunday. But for sure, I will never stop blogging, until I cannot do so. In one way or another, I will continue!

Alright we're left with one more week till the end of the year. I will try to write everyday. But if not I will try to write a few more posts till the end of the year. I hope you're having a great Christmas eve. See ya :)

Cassette

Cassettes cassettes cassettes!

Okay don't call me crazy but I just bought all these albums on cassettes! Hahaha. Well somehow somewhat, I actually came across an ad for the Enya album on cassette from Tokopedia (it was on Facebook) and I was like wow! Someone is actually selling cassettes still :O And the price is rather affordable (but not cheap). So I decided to get them just for keep-sake haha. Also it's cool to have these again! I actually owned them on cassettes back 16 years ago ish. Crazy eh.

"Pain The Sky With Stars" was actually the first Enya album that I ever bought for myself. I bought it back in 2003 from HMV. I can still remember haha. I brought it back home for my parents to listen and they love it! But because back then our car only has a cassette player, I went to look for the album on cassette. And I found it in Disctarra. I bought the cassette too for my parents.

I have listened to Enya albums for a long time. I remember listening to the CDs on my sister's discman haha. Back then my sister already bought an MP3 player. So she passed the discman to me. I've been listening CDs on discman till 2005. Until my sister bought an iPod and she passed her MP3 player to me :P So yeah this is why these albums hold a wonderful sentimental value to me.

Well I bought these cassettes mostly for the keep-sake purpose. Like I think it'll be really cool to still own a cassette of the album now. And imagine in the future! I might be one of the few last owners of the album on cassette mwahaha. I just love collecting physical formats of music.

And talking about music, I need to start finalising my great music of 2019 soon!

Solstice

Happy winter solstice!

First of all wishing you a happy Winter Solstice! I hope you had some tang yuans today. Well it's technically the summer solstice here in the Southern Hemisphere but let us all pretend we're in winter haha. Well the cold weather is kinda fitting for the occasion too! :P As always winter solstice is a sentimental day for me. A reminder that the year is coming to an end. And also a day where I feel old because I have to eat (age+1) amount of tang yuans as a tradition.

And every year the bowl gets more and more filled. And this year I have to eat 28. When it feels like yesterday when I have to ear twenty! Haha. We're all growing old eh.

Anyway for this year's creation I made myself 6 special tang yuans! It's a... Tang yuan with roasted pumpkin seeds and vegan nutella filling. Woo la la. And it tastes pretty good! Sadly somehow, the filling isn't as sweet as I tasted last night. Perhaps it's because of the dough that diminishes the sweetness of the filling. But I ain't gonna complain. It tastes good! Wish I made more tho.

I found that there's a shop selling vegan nutella made out of coconut and sunflower oil instead of cream. It tastes really good, almost the same as the real thing! However it's loaded with artificial sweetener (it's like 97% sugar free heh) so I'm not sure if it's considered healthy.

Alright short post from me today. Hope you had a great solstice, and some tang yuan! :)