Oh my goodness, look who's back baby. It's been so long since we both met! Look how much you have grown now. The last time we met, you look thiiiiis small. Now you're so big already! Okay pardon the horrible segue but yes hello, I am back here after 1000 months. Just kidding, uhh lets see it's been 10 months! Almost exactly ten months. And I just decided to pay you a visit.
Well it's been a tradition of mine to blog on my birthday. I was thinking maybe I shouldn't do it, why would I do so if I haven't blogged in ten months right? But hey I do know some people, who blogs once a year - on their birthday haha. Not gonna lie I do feel a bit guilty for not blogging. I didn't even celebrate our birthday back in September last year. It's so weird, cause back then I still had plans for this blog. But all of that didn't come into fruition. So I guess we'll start here.
Lets start with a huge update on life. Nothing much actually, but I did many things in this year. Went to Singapore to see Coldplay back in January. Went for a 3-day meditation retreat in March. Went to Chiang Mai back in May. Finished Level One Abhidhamma from Dhammavihari Buddhist Studies. Currently doing level 2. And yup today I turned 32. That's the gist of it. I'm not gonna bore you with the other little things that happened throughout these 6.5 months. Life's like that I guess.
That's the thing that made me stop blogging. Well first of all I don't know what to blog. I don't wanna bore you with my day to day stuff, and neither do I want to talk about work and stuff in my blog. Secondly I still own a journal, and I've been journaling regularly as usual. Which makes me feel that I don't think I need two "places" to talk and write about. Keeping a journal feels more... Intimate.
There were many days where I opened my blog and started writing, only to have me close the window again and stopped. Because I simply don't know where to start and to write. But I also feel like I think I should start blogging my life's happenings. Just for the sake of memories. Like my trip to Chiang Mai, and so on. Which I thought of doing along the year as we move forward.
It's kind of weird how I used to be a sentimental person. I guess I still am, just not as much now. I used to obsess over the idea of writing my memories down. Posting photographs and so on. But as I grow older I no longer cling onto that idea. For memories I have Instagram. And I also print my photos as usual. I also have my journal. And so on. Funny how I told myself that this blog is where I will put all my memories, a place where I can easily look back on to think about my memories.
Oh gosh now I feel like reviving my blog again.
I thought to myself back last year that even if I do stop blogging, I would at least try to blog once a month. But it never happened. And as I look back I wonder why? Yet I couldn't find an answer to that. I guess you can call it laziness. Or the simple fact that I don't have the time to. As I grow older, now I really treasure my time at night. I usually blog after dinner. But now I use this time to really rest and chill. Listen to music, read books, or journal. Or simply, watch YouTube videos.
I guess it's just our changing priorities. Or perhaps the idea that you just realised how you have "lesser and lesser" time as the years go by. Time doesn't change. It doesn't increase or decrease. But it's the things you put into "time" that made you feel like you have less of that. It's kind of like filling a room with stuff. As you grow older, this room becomes smaller and smaller. So you treasure the space you have left in the room. You don't wanna buy more stuff. You try to clear some space.
I blog simply because I want to write. I don't really wish for people to come and visit my blog everyday and read and stuff. Well I did have the thought of actually going seriously into blogging. Who knows I can make some extra cash! Haha. But year this blog is simply for me, and simply for the people who chanced upon this blog I guess. Which makes me think... I guess my journal is enough.
Anyway back to my point, I will consider going back into blogging. Or at least update you with my life's happenings. If I want to keep this blog as my "diary" that is.
And back to my yearly habit. I don't know what to feel about 32. Today is just another ordinary day and nothing much happened. I went for meditation in the evening with my uncle and... That's it. I know I say this a lot but as I grow older, birthdays become super ordinary that I take it as just another boring normal day. And I'd like to keep it that way. Because what's there to celebrate I suppose?
I guess I just know that I've made it through one revolution around the sun, and that I'm one year closer to death. And this excites me. HAHA. I don't know, I guess I'm excited to see the ending. I want to see how my life unfolds itself. I'm still humbled and amazed by life. The idea that we're here on this floating planet in the middle of nowhere stupefies me. How are we gonna make it out.
Life is pretty weird, I cannot deny that. Being a human is pretty weird. Life is absurd and I want to laugh and enjoy in its absurdity. There are days where life doesn't make sense but I'm still here! It's crazy! Haha. I don't know what I'm talking about. But yes life is absurd.
Alright I guess that's all from me today. I really don't know what to think and talk about this day. About being 32. But just wanna say hello again. Thank you everyone for the wishes, cakes and presents. Hope you are all doing well wherever you are. And... I hope I will see you again soon.
Happy Birthday.
