In 2014...

It's the dawn of the last day of the year, and I think it's a pretty awesome time to write about how my 2014 went. I must say it's been an exciting year. I have definitely learned a lot, and grown a lot this year, as a person and as an adult I suppose. I am thankful to have gone through this year in health and safety. Thankful for the lessons I've learned, and definitely excited to know what's in store in 2015.

Here goes.

 My one-day old nephew back then!

In 2014 I officially become an uncle with the arrival of my little nephew. Although I used to tell myself how old I feel now that I'm an uncle, it feels okay actually. But it feels great too, to finally be one. My nephew is now a healthy 11-month old baby who's turning one year soon in January. I can't wait for him to grow a bit bigger so that we can play together. I can't imagine his energy though. He is not able to speak and walk yet, but his energy is really huge. So yeah, gonna be interesting

The newly-wed and her siblings

In 2014 I have a brother in law as my sister got married in February! It's pretty much an exciting event too, to finally see my eldest sister getting married. Although the house felt kinda empty without her, and that I still miss her at times, I'm just happy for the two of them! :)

2014 marked one year since I left Singapore. In this one year a lot of things have definitely changed, and I have also learned a lot of things. I lost some and I gained a lot. Throughout the year, as it goes by, life just gave me reason after reason to why things work out in such a way.

"The Tibetan word for body is lu and it means something we leave behind"

In 2014 I came across The Tibetan Book of The Dead And Living by Sogyal Rinpoche, and I am very thankful to have come across with this book. The book that taught me a lot about life and it has definitely changed the way I see about life, a lot. I discovered a sentence that changed my life forever, that to me is the quintessence of life. And it goes like "The Tibetan word for body is lu and it means something we leave behind".

In 2014 I started meditating everyday after I finished reading the book. I am convinced that meditation is the best way to train our minds. Our mind is huge, limitless and boundless. Meditation is a way in which I can explore these areas that we haven't touched before. And I did feel different after I start meditating. I cling to emotions less, and I am calmer and more peaceful. Although I am very far from being a "pro" and as I learned from the book, there is no end to this practice. Meditating is definitely a new habit I'm going to carry on into 2015, and more years to come.

Iceland is beautiful

In 2014 I fulfilled my dream of traveling to Iceland. I embarked on my dream trip on the last day of July and it is definitely a trip I will never forget. To be on the country you've always dreamed of going is definitely something so surreal and just amazing. Although I wish I can stay for a month there (instead of a short 5 days), I enjoyed myself fully and that is what mattered the most. Also, I had the chance to transit in Helsinki, which is a city I've always wanted to visit too.

One of 2014 resolution done!

In 2014 I took part in the Jakarta marathon 10K race, which is also a 2014 resolution. Although I didn't get to beat my personal best, it truly felt good to be back on the road again, running my heart out. And I am planning to make this a yearly event and hopefully, I can also join the Bali Marathon.

White Shoes and The Couples Company at RRREC fest

In 2014 I caught a lot of my favourite musicians whom I've always wanted to see live. From Empire of The Sun in February, L'Alphalpha and Weish in October, White Shoes and The Couples Company in November, and recently, Chvrches a month ago. Watching my favourite musicians live never fail to inspire me. Though I may seem like a dreamer, they always remind me why I love music so much, and they never fail to make me hold on to my dreams and love of performing in front of a crowd too.

In 2014 I started a project called Project365 - 2014. A project in which I take pictures every day of the year. I am currently on my 364th photo and I can't wait to conclude this photography journey of mine. The project serves as two purpose for me - firstly, it is for me to keep on doing what I love doing in this year, although I don't do it for a living, and secondly as a visual diary for me. But through this project I have also learned to see beauty in everything. And that we have such a wonderful beautiful life seriously

2014 is the year with the least failed resolutions for me! The reason? I have very little resolutions, and I make sure I work towards them. To everyone, don't make bombastic and ridiculous resolutions for the coming year. Just have a few, but make sure you do them all.

Embrace yourself, because no one else will

In 2014, I have come to terms with myself, and accepted who I am.

If I can describe 2014 in one word, I would describe it as a serendipity. And if I can sum 2014 in two words, I would call it a "serendipitous epiphany". It is the year in which I learned a lot about life through the little things that happened to me. The events, experiences and ordeals I went through, have definitely taught me little lessons that peak into a beautiful mountain.

I wouldn't say 2014 was an amazing, fantastic and fabulous year. But I wouldn't say it is a horrible one either. I'll just call it a great and nice year. I have learned a lot, fulfilled my dream, and I hope, have become a better person than who I was in 2013. There's so much a year can teach you, so much a year can do to you. I am eager to know what I'm going to learn in 2015.

I told myself that I want to make 2014 a year of a better change, back when it started, since 2013 was a year of change for me. Well, I feel I have fulfilled this wish of mine :) 

On the other hand, I think the world has suffered enough this year. From Ebola, 3 major airline disasters, devastation in the middle east, and so on. I hope 2015 will be a better year for the world. And for more years to come. It saddens me to think back to all these incidences.

Alright. That's all for this year. Thank you 2014 for the lessons you have taught me, for the serendipity you have given me, for the memories I will never forget, and for everything else. It's been a great journey with you and I'm now moving to a new year. I'll carry whatever lessons you have taught me into 2015, and I will make 2015 a better year. And remember that you are a part and a reason to why 2015 is going to be a better year,

so thank you for that.

Body

 "The Tibetan word for body is lu and it means something we leave behind"

- Sogyal Rinpoche-

This will be my last "best of 2014" post before I do my huge recap on the year. And it's gonna be a special post, about probably the greatest lesson I learned this year.

Similar to the previous post, I came across this "lesson" from the Tibetan Book of The Dead and Living by Sogyal Rinpoche. In fact this lesson is nothing but merely a sentence I came across with, that changed my life forever. It changed the way I see life, and everything. This sentence blew me away really. Alright here goes that sentence which I came across in the book:

"The Tibetan word for body is lu and it means something we leave behind" 

To me this sentence is the quintessence of life. The epitome of life. And it's the only reason to why we should live our life to the fullest. Sometimes we forgot that after we die, we literally carry nothing with us. Even this body that we've been living in forever, is going to be left behind. No memories, feelings, thoughts and emotions will be carried with us. All, disappear into the abyss of life.

However most importantly this sentence drives me a lot, not just to live life to the fullest. 

Before I die, I want this body to see the great sights of the world. I want this body to listen to the great music of the world. I want this body to speak the greatest words of the world to other people. I want this body to taste as much great food as ethically possible. I want this body to write the greatest words and stories for other people to read. I want this body, to experience great things, as much as possible, before I live this body behind.

Most importantly, I want this body to be kind to other sentinent beings. I want this body to help other sentinent beings. I want this body to relieve as much sufferings of other beings as possible. I want this body to be of great use to other beings as possible. I want this body to give as much compassion as possible to this world. So that when I leave this body behind, I know this body has fulfilled what I want this body to do. I know that this body has done a lot of good deeds in this life.

Which leaves me to the next great question: who is this "i" we are talking about?

Meditate

 Our mind is like the sky. 

Free, boundless, limitless

One of the new habits that I started (or more like took again) this year is to meditate. After reading "The Tibetan Book of The Dead and Living" by Sogyal Rinpoche, I am just so convinced to start meditating again. I used to meditate on a daily basis in 2011 for like a month heh. And in 2012 I meditated only when I want to. After reading the book however, I realised that my technique was wrong.

So before reading the book, I thought we're supposed to empty our minds when meditating. And I realised how difficult and annoying it is to do that, cause the more you "try" to empty your mind, the more it will be filled with thoughts. After reading the book, I learned that we're supposed to let go of our thoughts. Instead of trying hard to get rid of them, just let it rise, don't cling onto them, and let it go. And yes, this is much easier, and somehow naturally your mind will be "empty" too.

When I mean empty I don't mean it figuratively. From the book, I learned that the mind is like a body of water. When we have so many thoughts and emotions inside it, this body of water is like a stormy sea. Moving, ravaging, shaking and just pretty much uncontrollable. But when we meditate, this body of water is like a small lake on top of a mountain with no winds blowing. Very still, very quiet, very peaceful. And the more we meditate, the more often our mind will become still like that lake, instead of a stormy sea. And the more we can see things clearly and solve problems clearly too.

I watched a Buddhist documentary back in 2012 during the THIS Buddhist Film Fest in Singapore called "Your Mind Is Bigger Than All The Supermarkets In The World". It is from there that I learned how big, limitless and spacious is our mind. And how much potential it has, when we are able to train them. And I can't agree less when the book says that meditation is the way to train our mind.

I've been meditating for almost 5 months now, everyday, or at least 6 days a week. I followed the book's method of meditation closely and... I did feel a difference. One of the biggest differences I feel now is that I don't cling on to emotions and thoughts. I used to feel annoyed by things for DAYS. Now the feeling can disappear within hours. I used to feel angry by little things but now I feel less anger controlling me. And another difference I feel is that I'm calmer throughout the day.

To be honest you just feel different. I can't describe this feeling, but who I am now, after meditating everyday, is definitely a different person than who I was before. You can try it out for yourself. Try 5 minutes a day, then 10. Now I meditate at least 15 minutes a day. Quite an improvement I suppose. And I am definitely carrying this habit forward to 2015, and more years to come.

And also, meditation is sometimes (or most of the time) the only time in the day when I feel most serene and calm. I couldn't remember what I think, feel and experience during meditation (well since my mind is empty) but I could remember how peaceful I feel during meditations.

As Sogyal Rinpoche puts it: "In meditation be at ease; be as natural and spacious as possible. Quietly sitting, body still, speech silent, mind at peace, let thoughts and emotions, whatever rises, come and go, without clinging to anything."

I've always believed in the Buddha's words "Your mind is everything, what you think you become. With our thoughts, we make the world". I've always believed that our mind is the most powerful thing in the world. Whatever you do to it, will have an effect to you and your life. It is big and limitless, and we are yet to explore a tiny bit of it. It is like the sky, boundless and free. And when we meditate, it is when we are exploring this boundless part of the sky. We are truly free when we meditate. I feel free when I meditate. Free from worries, free from thoughts, free from emotions.  

Well I recommend everyone to make meditation a part of your daily life. You will feel the difference it makes. and I think your mind will thank you for it.

Prayers

I was feeling deeply in shock when I woke up today to the news of the missing QZ8501 flight from Surabaya to Singapore. It is the 2nd of such incidence this year and it is terrifying to hear. I hope that the plane will be found, and everyone is safe and sound. It is just saddening really. But I am also thankful for the assistance lent by Singapore and Malaysia in the search for the plane.

As someone who used to fly a lot (between Singapore and Jakarta), hearing news of airplane disasters always shocked me. Especially now when the incidence happen to my fellow countrymen. Perhaps this year is not the year for the aviation industry. Flying is one of the safest form of transportation but well, no one can predict the things that are going to happen.

I'm really hoping to hear (positive) news regarding today's incidence.

And I'm still praying for the safety and well-being of the crews, passengers and their families.

Take care everyone.

Stay Gold by First Aid Kit

Today I'm gonna talk more about my favourite song of the year, and it is Stay Gold by First Aid Kit. This song (and the same-titled album) was released in June this year and I fell in love with it instantly! I discovered First Aid Kit last year, thanks to Jango haha. I think the sister-duo, Johanna and Klara, has one of the most beautiful voices in our time. I think that their voices are very unique, and definitely not a lot of people can sing like them. I discovered them from their song "Emmylou" and well, just fell in love.

So when they announced that they're releasing a new album this year, I was pretty excited and I couldn't wait for it. Although it is very saddening that I couldn't get a physical copy of it till now. HMV Singapore didn't have it, and let's not talk about CD store here hah. But anyway gotta thank Candy for helping me buy their album in Australia! And she found it :D Can't wait to get a hold of it!

Stay Gold is definitely my favourite from their new album. I love everything about it. The melodies, the harmony, the feel, and most importantly the lyrics of the song. To me Stay Gold is a song about hope in times of uncertainties. The lyrics goes like Oh I wish for once, we could stay gold. I think "gold" here refers to us being strong, brave, great and awesome all the time, despite the situation we're facing.

The first verse goes like:

The sun shone high those few summer days
Left us in a soft, wide-eyed haze
It shone like gold, it shone like gold.
But just as the moon, it shines straight
So dawn goes down today
No gold can stay, no gold can stay

The first verse talks about the great and hopeful days in life, basically the "awesome" days where we feel like we can do anything, become anything and our future shining brightly. But then in these days we seem to forget that our days don't stay like this forever, that we'll get "visited" by the not so bright days when we are filled with doubts and worries - Our days will not stay "gold" forever. 

I love the chorus especially, which goes like:

What if our hard work ends in despair?
What if the road won't take me there?
Oh I wish for once, we could stay gold.

The chorus to me talks about uncertainties, and the wish we have to always be hopeful, optimistic and confident about the choices we make in these times. Which is something I was kinda experiencing last year, and sometimes this year. I'm pretty sure we all have dreams and well sometimes we decide to take another path which is of a different direction from them. But we are always hopeful that one day this path will still take us to our dreams, or at least the life we always wish of living.

The second part of the chorus goes like:

What if to love and be loved is not enough?
What if I fall and can't bear to get up?
Oh I wish for once, we could stay gold.

This part talks about those days when we feel like giving up. When we feel like the things we do are no longer worth it, and we should just stop chasing for what we want. And how much we wish we can be remain brightly hopeful like the sun of the summer days.

And then goes the second verse which goes like:

We're on our way through rugged lands
Top of that mountain we wanted to stand
With hearts of gold, with hearts of gold
But there is only forward, no other way
Tomorrow was your hope at the end of the day
And gold turns grey, and gold turns grey

I think the second verse talks about our journey, or life in general. Like how we go through "rugged lands" to reach the "top of that mountain we wanted to stand". How we struggled through life's challenges to reach our goal. And to reach our goal, we can only continue to move forward each day, closer to them. But then we realised that this is not an easy task, that's when "gold turns grey" but hey, we have no choice but to always hope for a better tomorrow. And to get us closer to our dreams.

Last but not least, the bridge goes like:

All of my dreams, they fall and form a bridge of memories, where I can't get back
All of my dreams, they fall and form a bridge of memories, where I can't get back to you

I'm not sure about this part of the song but to me the "you" here refers to our dreams and goals. And this "bridge of memories" is basically the memories of the past, the reminders to why we chase for our dreams in the first place. However... I'm not sure if the lyric goes as "where I can" or "where I can't" get back to you. If it goes where I can get back to my dreams, the bridge of memories is the reminders we have to why we begin chasing our dreams in the first place. And these reminders will then serve as a bridge for us to get to our dreams.

If the lyric goes where I can't get back to my dreams, well sometimes we give up chasing our dreams. And dreams being dreams, when shattered, will be difficult to go chasing it back again.

Well so yep, this is my full analysis of this beautiful song. I hope you like the song too, and I hope this song will be a great beginning and addition for the new year. To conclude, basically this song is all about not losing our hope in times of uncertainties. A song about chasing our dreams without being deterred by the uncertainties in our minds. Thank you First Aid Kit for this wonderful song, a song that carried me through this year and more years to come. I hope you can one day go to Indonesia and hold a concert. I'd love to see you both live one day! Tack!

"Next Time"

My trip to Iceland has taught me that "next time" is one of the most dangerous phrases that you can ever tell yourself. Because most of the time it is almost equivalent to "never going to happen". Go to the places you've always wanted to go, and do the things you've always wanted to go. Because most of the time we live our lives like as if we have another one to continue on to. 

And I'm here to remind you, and myself that we only have one.

Best of 2014 - Moments

It's Christmas day so first of all wishing you a merry Christmas! Today was kind of a busy day for me because I have a visitor coming over. And it was also a rainy day too. I don't really celebrate Christmas but the rain kinda dampens the day's spirit! Ah well no one can control the weather. Plus it's December, can't complain much right. Oh and it was a pretty much cold day as well.

Anyway Christmas day is always an awesome day of reminiscent for me. So for today's post, I'm going to talk about the best moments of this year! From the beginning till now.

Best of 2014 - Moments 

 Great to be reunited again!

I started the year to a great trip back to Singapore to catch SPSB's 37th MD! It was a great trip back reuniting with some of my friends, whom mostly are heading overseas to study, and to reunite with my band mates as well. It felt pretty weird to be seated on the audience seat watching my juniors perform, and to realise we are alumni now. It brought back a lot of memories of my last MD too. Nevertheless it was a great trip back to Singapore! :)

My one-day old nephew, can't believe he's this small back then!

Then shortly after my trip to Singapore, my nephew is born! It was such an exciting time for my family to welcome a new addition haha. And it was also the day I officially turned into an uncle. I'm happy to become one, and I'm glad my nephew is growing healthily (he's turning 11-month soon).

The siblings and their newly wed sister!

February begins with the wedding of my sister and brother-in-law! It was another exciting time too, to see the both of them getting married. The sister whom I've been living together with in Singapore ever since I first went there to study is now married! Although the house feels a little bit emptier without my sister now, but I suppose I have gotten used to it through time. But I still do miss her sometimes.

EOTS live in Singapore. So, alive.

2014 has been a great year of gigs for me too. Kicking off this year was Empire of The Sun in Singapore! I've been wanting to catch them live, because I read of the internet about how much of a pleasure to the eyes (and not only the ears) their concert is. And yup pretty blown away by it. I'm very excited to hear their new album, which I believe is going to be released next year.

I miss you

The highlight of the year is definitely my trip to Iceland, a trip where I finally realised the dream I've been holding on to for years. It was a great trip and I believe I've emphasise how awesome it is in my posts back in August. Sometimes I just can't believe that I went there this year. It feels too good to be true. But well yes I went there, bucket list item ticked off! I wonder where I'll go to next.

Resolution done

After returning from Iceland, I decided to run the Jakarta marathon 10K race. It's a 2014 resolution for me so I have to make it happen. With only about 50 days of training, I managed to finish the race in 1h17m. Not my best timing, but I truly enjoyed the race. It is indeed great to be back running again. I hope I can make this a yearly affair because I truly enjoyed running the race.

L'alphalpha at Soundsfair!

Next on my 2014 gigs list are Soundsfair 2014 in Jakarta (before my marathon) and RRREC fest in the valley a week after that. I managed to catch my favourite Indonesian band L'alphalpha, and also pretty lucky to catch Weish, whom I've been wanting to watch live, both at Soundsfair! 

 WSATCC at RRREC Fest

And to finally watch White Shoes and The Couples Company live is truly a dream come true for me.

Chvrches was so so great

To close off my 2014 gigs is Chvrches live in Singapore too! When the released the news that they're performing in Singapore again (back in August I think) I was just so so happy. I missed them during Laneway this year and it was pretty devastating hah. So glad for them to come back to Singapore and for me to catch them live with Brenda! And and and, we got to meet them too! My life is almost complete seriously hah. Definitely one of the best moments of 2014.

Right, I suppose these are the awesome moments of 2014! We have 6 more days left to this year so who knows I'll have another awesome moment heh. Well, wishing everyone an awesome last 6 days to the year! Let us all end 2014 beautifully, it's been a year, really. 

2014 - You Reap What You Sow

 Thanks for the lessons

To be honest I have really learned a lot of lessons in this year. And like I said life itself is a school, a school that teaches people without the use of textbooks but experience. I've learned a lot of things through the experiences and events that I went through. And one of the biggest lessons I've learned in 2014 is you really reap what you sow. And most of the time, you can't control what you reap!

Some of you may not know this, but I am actually helping my dad at a flower plantation. Kind of managing it. Managing the cost, the delivery, ordering etc. And to be honest, I've never imagined myself to be working in such environment. Although one of my dream jobs is to actually work in a farm. But hey I actually enjoy doing this. I didn't know flowers can teach me so much about life.

You see planting flowers is a very interesting affair. To simplify things, we plant the seedling of the flower, water it and give it fertilisers, clean the weeds, and in three months they will grow into a beautiful flower. You plant a red flower, it will grow into a red flower. You shower it with love, it will grow beautifully. You neglect it, they will grow poorly and die. You plant 50.000 flowers, you'll gain about 37.500 of it. Being in this business really taught you that you really reap what you sow.

Whatever you do now, whatever decision you make now, the result will only be seen three months later. This is one of the most challenging aspects of the business. And also not forgetting that you're planting a living thing that is affected by nature and a lot of things. You don't make flowers, you grow them. And whatever you do to the flowers within this three months will be reflected to their final growth. And do we know how well will they grow? Can we control how we want them to grow? No.

The flowers have taught me a lot that you really reap what you sow, and most of the time you cannot control what you reap. And if we reap something we do not like, something we do not wish to reap, the only thing we can do is to make the best of whatever we have reaped. And learn from the experience so that you can choose what not to sow in the future. We make mistakes, we make wrong moves. But we cannot just choose how the outcome will be. But we can learn to not make the same mistake and not to make the wrong move in the future, and ultimately lead a better life.

So thank you to my dear flowers, you have indeed taught me a great lesson in life.

Of Music and Dreams

Going to Iceland is probably the best thing that happened in 2014 for me. Hmm I've talked a lot about me wanting to go to Iceland but the reason behind it? Well I'm going to speak about it today! After my trip to Iceland I actually took part in Passion Passport Wanderlust Story Competition. I wrote about my trip to Iceland and here is my story! Of course I didn't win the competition, but it was a fun process to be honest! I hope you enjoy reading my story, and here goes the driving force, the reason and inspiration to my trip to Iceland! 

Passion Passport Wanderlust Story Competition 2014 - Of Music and Dreams

I have been telling myself this for the past four years: 

“One day, I am going to Iceland” 

However last year, the fear that this one day will never arrive grows bigger and deeper within me. I was lying on my bed one night when I realized that I am not going to grow any younger, and that time will slowly consume me. I fear that this one day may turn into a day where this dream will be forgotten in the depths of my memories.

And the only way for me to eradicate this fear of mine, is to be in Iceland.

And so on the last day of July this year, I embarked on a journey to realize the biggest dream of my life, and an adventure to get rid of this fear that has been haunting me. I left home and went on a journey about twelve thousand kilometers up northwest from Indonesia, and thirty six hours of traveling later, I found myself walking around the northern-most capital city of the world, Reykjavik. It was the beginning of the wildest wanderlust days of my life.

I have to send my gratitude to my favorite Icelandic bands, especially Sigur Ros, for being the driving force behind my longing to travel to Iceland. All of these were made even stronger after watching a documentary film about their tour around Iceland titled Heima. The beauty of Iceland is harmoniously accompanied by their music. And for the past four years, I have been listening to their songs as I imagine the great landscapes and sights that I am going to see when I am in Iceland.

I could still remember the first time that I caught a glimpse of Iceland with my own eyes. I was on board Icelandair looking through my seat’s window, seeing the rugged and intricate landscape of this land. Strikes of white on a background of black appeared behind the clouds beneath me. It must be glaciers, I thought to myself. As the plane traveled further, a wide spread of white glimmered under the summer sun. I knew it was the Vatnajokull glacier that we were passing by. My heart was in awe and I just couldn’t stop smiling. I was so close to fulfilling my wanderlust dreams right at that moment.

It felt pretty surreal to finally be in Iceland. I was listening to my favourite Icelandic songs as I looked outside the bus on the way to Reykjavik. I passed by fields of lava rocks, volcanic hills and not forgetting the myriads of sheep and horses passing by. Walking around Reykjavik and getting lost in its colors and vibrancy, with music on my ears, was just too good to be true. I was finally looking at the colorful rooftops of the city from the top of Hallgrimskirkja church through my own eyes, and no longer through the screen of my laptop or my phone.

The landscapes around Iceland are not only beautiful, but they are also emotion-invoking. I will never forget how it was such an epiphany to sit down under the blue sky, facing the sea, as I was writing on my journal at Stykkisholmur. And how serendipitous it was to stare at the majestic yet serene Jokulsarlon glacial lagoon, being the first time in my life that I am seeing icebergs. Or perhaps walking along the tectonic plates at Ϸhingvellir national park, thinking about the wonders and greatness of this planet and how beautiful it is.

It was wonderfully overwhelming to finally see and feel your dreams and imaginations turn into a beautiful reality. Just months ago I was back in my room listening to the same songs I was listening to as I was seeing these great sights, wishing I could be there in Iceland to see it. And to realize that I was doing what I dreamed of doing made me all fuzzy and warm inside. I don’t know how to put it; it was just the greatest wanderlust moment in my life.

Going to Iceland was not a smooth journey for me. This is the biggest adventure of my life; to travel to a country that is located on the other side of the planet from where I come from. But then I realized that this may be the only chance that I have to go to Iceland. So I toughen myself up, and jump hurdles after hurdles to clear the doubts that shadowed my heart.

Leaving Iceland was a difficult thing to do for me too, as I have expected. I left Iceland with an empty, loose but heavy heart. It feels empty, because I have finally accomplished a dream which I have been holding on to for years. It feels loose because the fear that has been grasping my heart tightly has finally released itself freely. And it feels heavy because I couldn’t bear to leave such a beautiful place. It feels like I have left a part of my soul on this beautiful island.

Before I went to Iceland, the Icelandic songs I listened to gave me a sense of hope and joy of traveling to Iceland. Now they give me a sense of melancholic sentimentalism of the beautiful sights that I’ve seen. And also, they are a sweet congratulatory reminder to me that I have finally fulfilled by dream of traveling to this wonderful island.

If there is one lesson that I learned from this trip, I learned that “next time” is one of the most dangerous phrases that you can ever tell yourself. Because most of the time, next time is almost equivalent to “never going to happen”. Do what you want to do, and go to the great places you’ve always wanted to go. Because most of the time, we live our lives like as if we a have a next one to go to.

And I’m here to remind you again that we only have one.

Happy Winter Solstice // Best of 2014 - Music

Happy winter solstice

Today is winter solstice, without the snow of course. I wish we have snow here to make everything seems more... Wintery. But ah well since we've been doing this tradition for as long as I can remember, we eat tang yuans today! I specially made the ones with fillings for myself cause it's kinda yummy and I love it anyway. Winter solstice is a day that also reminds me that I'm getting old... Because...

As a tradition, we're supposed to eat the tang yuans according to our age, plus one. Since I'm 22 now, I have to eat 23 of them. So every year this number will increase and yes, I feel old in this day. I used to eat only 10 and now I have to eat 13 more. Next year 14 more, and so on. But well it's also a chance for me to sort of look forward to the new year, and reflect back upon the year. To me each tang yuan represent my hopes and aspirations for the coming year, and also as a reminder to the lessons I've learned in this year. A moment of reminiscing and looking forward ahead!

And talking about lessons... I've decided to start "counting down" the moments and things I discovered in 2014 in the next ten days, kind of like a "best of 2014" posts. I hope I can stick with this hah. Okay for today, I'm going to countdown on the great music/albums/artist discovery for this year!

// Best of 2014 - Music //

I'm inspired to do this after watching The Needle Drop's list week where Anthony lists his favourite albums, EPs and Singles of the year. There is a lot of music to choose from and I am confused to choose them! I'm just going to list down, in my opinion, the best albums & songs I discovered in 2014.

Best albums (in no particular order)

- In The Silence by Asgeir
- Stay Gold by First Aid Kit
- Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey
- Ghost Stories by Coldplay
- Goddess by Banks

If I were to pick my favourite favourite album, I'll go with Stay Gold by First Aid Kit

Best songs (in no particular order)

- Step Out by Jose Gonzales
- Ribs by Lorde (discovered in late 2013 but listened to it all the way till now hah)
- Future Days by L'Alphalpha
- Head In The Snow by Asgeir
- Going Home by Asgeir
- A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay
- Stay Gold by First Aid Kit
- Fifteen by Goldroom ft Chela
- Hideaway by Kiesza
- Bedroom Wall by Banks
- Dreamer by Low Roar
- All Night by Icona Pop
- Touch by Shura
- Get Away by Chvrches
- The Nights by Avicii

If I were to pick one, it'll be a tie between Head In The Snow by Asgeir and Stay Gold by First Aid Kit

I love Head In The Snow, there's something about the song that made me fall in love deeply with it, especially at the chorus where Asgeir sings about hope and joy. As for Stay Gold, I love the lyric of the song as (I think) it is a song about uncertainties, but at the same time being hopeful and brave while facing them. So yup, I have love them both.

Breakthrough artist of the year: Banks and Shura

I can't wait to see what Shura has in store for us in 2015! She's so talented and I just can't wait for her new album/EP. As for Banks, I think she's my breakthrough artist of this year haha.

Right that's all for my first best of 2014 post! More coming up, see you soon! :)

21st of December

The time of the year when I would feel old.

Same date, every year, for as long as I can remember.

Forget sleep

I've been having insomnia for the past... Week. I think. Well it started in Tuesday actually, it's not really the inability to fall asleep but more of waking up at every hour of your sleep kinda thing. Sometimes I'll wake up halfway and won't go back to sleep. It's pretty annoying, because I will oversleep and feel pretty restless throughout the day. I'm not sure why but it's kind of a normal thing for me to get a few episodes of insomnia, that will go away after a while.

One of the worst insomnia cases I've had was the last few months in Singapore last year. It was so bad that I didn't sleep at all throughout the night. I would go to bed at like 3 AM and then I just couldn't sleep until the sun rises. So I let it go and just woke up, wasted my time away by watching TV and watch the sun rise. Then I would fall asleep at like 9 AM and woke up at 12 PM-ish, and the whole thing would repeat the following night. Thankfully school was out then.

Some people believe that sleep is a "gift from god" which is kinda true I think. Come to think of it why do we sleep? How do we sleep? And why do some people find it very easy to fall asleep anywhere and anytime, while others find it very difficult to sleep? Sleeping is indeed a mystery sometimes. And they say scientists haven't really figured out the main reason to why we sleep and why we need them. It was only until recently that scientists from Harvard School of Medicine discovered a sleep "node" that send us to deep sleep. If they can find a way to activate it, we can say goodbye to sleeping pills!

Having said all these, I actually enjoy night time. I love Saturdays here because I get to sleep pretty late and wake up late the next day. There is something about being around in night time that makes me calm and serene, and I feel that my heart is at peace. There are times where I wish the night would go on and on, times where I wish that I can stop and extend this night time as and how long I want it to be. I suppose night time is a time where we wait for tomorrow to come. Where our thoughts froze and our mind is filled with hopes for a better tomorrow. Or even a better week, month and year.

It is a time where darkness envelopes us, giving the mind a chance to shine as brightly as possible. Where the light from the sun doesn't shine too brightly over us, so that we can find our way in times of this darkness. A time where our the darkness of the night seems to cool our minds down.

As much as I love the bright and blue afternoon sky, I pretty much enjoy the night too.

Answers

There are some questions, I'll never want to answer

And some questions, I'll never want to know the answer to.

Train

 Mangga Besar station

I just got back from a short trip to Jakarta today, as I got to meet someone with my brother yesterday! I used to love going to Jakarta, since it has everything. But with the recent jams and horrible road conditions, I don't love going to Jakarta and I only go there when I need to go there. But fret not, we have the train now! Like I've blogged last year, the government re-opened the Sukabumi-Bogor route last year. And from Bogor you can take the train to Jakarta, all in all, a 4-hour jam-free journey!

I love taking trains now. They are comfortable, convenient and pretty smooth ride too. My dream for my country is to have all major cities connected with railways, and also small but "significant" cities. Wouldn't it be great if public transport here is improved, and everyone would rather take public transport instead of driving their cars? Less traffic on the road I suppose.

And when I look at the window outside of the train, I realised how much potential my country has, to become better and stronger. I am not losing faith in my country but I am in fact always hopeful. And I always hope I can always be a part of this hope.

Still waiting for the Sukabumi - Bandung route to open though. That'll be awesome!

The Nights by Avicii

Currently addicted to this new song by Avicii. Discovered his other song from the EP "The Days" while listening to the radio while I was driving and oh gosh now I can't stop listening to this song. The Days is a nice song but I prefer this hah. Such meaningful lyric and I just love the beat. The song makes me want to jump and dance around my room while singing on top of my voice.

This song definitely reminds me of my Iceland trip. Because I told myself I don't want to grow old and ask myself "why didn't you go to Iceland while you're young?" Because I know when I grow old...

... when you get older your wild heart will live for younger days...

One day you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember!

Reminiscing

December has always been my favourite month. It's the month that I reminisce the most, not only about the things that happened in the past year, but the things that happened in my life basically. Which is kind of a good thing because I'm finishing a side-project of mine which you're going to find out what soon enough. But at the same time all of these reminiscing is making me real sad too, because of course, I only reminisce the good stuff. And it makes me sad thinking about these happy times.

In the blink of an eye, 2014 is going to pass by us. Another year is ending, and another one is coming. December is a great month to look back too and well... It's been a cool year I suppose. Too early for my 2014 review hah. I've been thinking a lot about this year, the things I've learned, the experiences, the memories and so on. Which is quite overwhelming to do. Perks of being a sentimental person.

Like every other year, it's a bittersweet moment to look back. But a hopeful one to look forward!

Sunshine

It all takes one day of sunshine to make people sick here. Well we believe that if the weather changes really quickly, say it rains today and it becomes hot tomorrow, and it rains again the day after tomorrow, it's a perfect recipe to fall sick. So it was pretty sunny on Monday after a month of rain. And on Tuesday it was just cloudy (and not raining) and today it was drizzling. My dad and I were feeling kinda feverish just now. Perhaps this is the reason why, or maybe we just have an infection.

I spent three years of my life studying biomedical science and one of the "goals" I had before entering this course was to break the beliefs we have here that involve sickness. Like the term "masuk angin", which literally translates to enter wind, or wind entering the stomach, which is a condition when you feel bloated, nauseatic and have headaches etc, usually after you spent some time outside in the wind. I want to know what causes all of these, and I haven't! Should have made it my FYP.

And I'll name it "The Investigation of "Masuk Angin" Syndrome"

I successfully did a study though, to how garlic can cure pimples and boils. Cause here that's what we do, use garlic on pimples and boils to cure it. And we (Kai Xuan, Candy and I) did prove it back in year one in our microbiology group project! So cool. This is a reason why I love science heh.

There are a lot of taboos and beliefs we have here which I'm always interested to investigate. Like how we shouldn't take a shower after exercising (which is what I always do when I was in Singapore), or how we should avoid aircon and winds when we are sweating (another thing I always do). And one of the most unfathomable one is that eating too much eggs will give you boils. I actually did a research on this and came with nothing. I even found a site where it suggests applying egg yolk on boils as remedy.

I often realise how a lot of things are much of a contradiction here and when I was in Singapore.The weird thing is that when I do all of these "taboos" in Singapore, I don't necessarily feel that they are taboos just because I'm not back at home. But when I am back here, I always take these precautions seriously. Because somehow being back at home seems to increase the chance of these situations to really happen by 200%. Perhaps it's the home-cebo effect, I would call it.

Ah well, there are lots of mysteries we have in life.

Goodbye November

 

 The last light of November

2014 where did you go to?

Great Music of November

It's the time of the month again! Didn't really discover lots of music in this month, but there are some music which I really enjoy listening to, or have been waiting for a long time to be released hah.

Alright here goes!

Great music of November:

- Get Away by Chvrches

- Dead Air by Chvrches

- Where You Go I Will Follow by The British Expeditionary Force

- For by Nils Frahm

- No Good In Goodbye by The Script

Get Away is a song by Chvrches which is part of BBC Radio One project called "Radio 1 Rescores: Drive". It premiered on end of October I think, but the song was released in November. The first time I heard the song, I fell in love with it right away! I just love everything about the song; the melody, the beat and the lyrics. I think it suits the movie too. Dead Air is a song from the Mockingjay Soundtrack. I was so happy when they played it in Singapore during their concert!

Where You Go I Will Follow by The British Expeditionary Force and "For" by Nils Frahm are from a free online compilation album from Erased Tapes Record called "Erased Tapes Collection IV". I was listening to Olafur Arnalds' album again when I discovered that slip of paper which comes with a code for the download so yeah, silly me for not realising it comes with the code! Anyway I love the first song for its catchy beat. Somehow the song reminds me a bit like Sin Fang heh. As for the second song, it's a pretty cool song and it somehow reminds me of my days in Iceland. I don't know why.

I just got the time to properly listen to the new Script Album.Well I mean I gave it a listen in the car when I got it but not a proper one hah. Anyway I really love the whole album, especially the song "No Good In Goodbye". I used to think that "Superheroes" is the best song of the album but after discovering No Good in Goodbye... I think this is the best song of the album. The Script is just so great with their lyrics and the lyric of the song just touched my heart in many different ways.

Alright these are the great songs I discovered in this month. Can't believe I've been doing this for this like almost 11 times (since I started this new "habit" in March heh). Well so far 2014 have been a great year of discovering music. And I'm pretty sure 2015 will be a great one too! It's always fun and a great pleasure to discover new music. Some music from my favourite artists and others, from new artists I discovered. Music is something I can't live without, so yep, this journey of discovery will never end for me. Till the day I die hopefully! Life's goal: to have a library of music CDs when I'm old :P

Which brings me to my next point...

I went to HMV when I was in Singapore to look for some new albums, and some old ones. And guess what, they don't have it! When I asked the store assistant he just told me "Oh we don't stock (insert artist name here) here". Okay I know sometimes I listen to bands that are kinda unknown but the bands I was asking for are not really unknown (e.g: First Aid Kit). I think my biggest fear is coming true: that they will no longer stock CD albums in the future. Well okay maybe not in Europe/America/Australia. But HMV is like the only (kinda) complete place where I can find albums. Don't tell me I'll have to travel to Australia to find CDs heh. Or maybe I was just unlucky that they're out of stock.

One of my wishes is to actually open up a music store in my hometown. I want to revive the CD era where people buy CDs of their favourite musicians. I think I'm the only person in my family who still collects CDs. Oh well, I will still collect CDs no matter what. Until one day (which I hope will never arrive) when all musicians decided to turn all of their works to be available only digitally. But I think that will happen in a very very very long time later.

Or I hope it will never happen, ever.

Speed of time

Can't believe that we're already on the third last day of November, and like the 34th last day of the year. Where did 2014 go to man. I always go and pray to my ancestors with my dad almost every night. Beside the altar, there's a small calendar and it scares me sometimes to realise we're flipping on to the last page of the calendar now. I can still remember how I used to countdown to my Iceland trip by looking at that calendar. And now we're on to December pretty soon.

I think 2014 is a year that went by super quickly. Sometimes I feel it's a yea that never happen. You know, like a year that happened too quickly that it doesn't feel you actually went by the year. It's been quite a great year I must say though. Learned a lot, went through a lot.

Anyway I went to Jakarta again today to accompany my sister and her colleague to meet with some supplier guy. Sometimes it scares me to realise how quickly time flies. Last time, it was us going to school and doing grocery shopping together. Now we're working already and sometimes I'm part of her activities at work. Time flies indeed, and it needs to fly. It's the law of nature and life I guess.

There was a huge jam just now - on the opposite direction of the read when we were heading home. It's all because of a road construction work, and it caused 15KM long of cars to be in a standstill. They can't move, and everyone is just switching off their cars to wait.

Not sure if I should feel happy that the road is finally getting fixed, or sad because of the 15KM of jam.

Saturday in Singapore

I stayed in Singapore till Saturday night. I think it was a pretty dumb idea back in February, when I was watching EOTS, where I actually went back on Saturday morning! So yup I decided to catch a night flight instead. Anyway I was pretty tired from the concert so I slept all the way till 9:30. I almost overslept, and was almost late because I kinda forget that I was staying in a hostel - which means bathroom is shared. I rushed to the bathroom but thankfully it was empty.

I was packing and re-organising my bag when one of my dorm mates talked to me. Turned out they're all Indonesians so we chatted a while. I went down to the lobby to check-out and headed out at 10:40 AM I think. Went to Tiong Bahru to meet with Ade, Jeslyn, Weiqi, Meng Fung and Jesher. MF was late so we waited for her. It's so good to see all of them again! And glad to know everyone is doing well. And so glad to have MF back cause she couldn't make it for our past meetings.

 More to this of course, but cravings satisfied!

We had a super filling but awesome Singapore brunch at Tiong Bahru market. 6 people sharing 8 dishes! It was really stuffing but at the same time I'm so happy to have "caught up" with the food I missed a lot, especially my favourite Chicken rice! And of course it was also a great time to catch up with the rest. We then make our way to Plain Vanilla nearby to get some of their cupcakes. Oh my goodness, their salted caramel cupcake is to die for. So so good. Definitely best cupcake I've ever eaten! Then we went to Books Actually beside to look around. After that we all say goodbye to each other. Thanks for the brunch guys! It's awesome to see all of you again :)

 Mind my big head, thanks for the brunch people!

Credits to Jeslyn's Note 4 awesome feature of wide-selfie!

Anyway after brunch I went to Tiong Bahru Plaza to meet with Jerrica! It's been so long since we met so it feels good to reunite with her again :) Anyway we decided to catch Mockingjay first there. It was a great movie, but I don't think it's the best Hunger Games movie heh. How can they end the first part at that scene! It's too short in my opinion (although it's about 2 hours long). I think lots of parts are going to be cut in the 2nd movie... Well I hope not, but well we shall see.

After the movie we decided to go for a late lunch at Bugis. After 11 years of studying in Singapore, and wishing to go to Arab street and Haji lane, I finally went there with Jerri! Hahaha. Sadly the cafes that we wanted to go to have stopped serving lunch (cause it was like 4:30 PM) but we went to I Am Cafe in the end at Haji Lane. Awesome place with great food! I enjoyed my pasta and Jerri loves her buttered prawns. We then went for a walk at Haji Lane. Oh gosh finally I'm here! Haha.

 Haji Lane finally!

We then walked around Bugis Junction and ended our trip at Kinokuniya. Wanted to look for some book but didn't manage to find it, or they're out of stock so yeah. Without realising it's 7 PM (which is the time I'm supposed to be at the airport), but I already checked in online so it's all good. I feel pretty relaxed actually haha. So we parted ways in Bugis while Jerri went to town. Thanks for the day Jerri! Great to meet you again after such a long time! :)

Thanks for the day Jerri!

Sometimes I love the fact that Singapore is a small country. Can't you see how awesome it is that I can do all these within a day, and then I can just go straight to the airport? Here in Jakarta well sure you can do that but you need at least 1-2 hours to go to the airport since traffic is unpredictable. It only took 30 minutes for me, no jams (and thankfully no train disruptions :P) from Bugis to Changi. Ah well, I miss Singapore convenience at times. So it's good to experience it again.

I then went for the document-check counter, went inside the terminal and yup, headed back home!

It's been a great weekend I suppose. Meeting people I haven't met in a long time. Although to be honest... It feels pretty weird, this time round, when I returned back to Singapore. I don't know why and I can't explain it either. This city is no stranger to me. And I don't feel like a stranger being in this city. The sights, the sounds, the taste and the people are all pretty familiar to me. Something felt different and I don't know what, and why. Maybe it's the fact that it's been almost 6 months since I went to this sunny island. Or maybe, it's just my feelings that made all of these feel off.

Nevertheless I'm looking forward to returning again! And I can't wait to see all of my poly friends again, some who are studying overseas. Like I once said, the life of a foreign student is a bittersweet one.

Before, during, and after his stay in the country.

Chvrches Live in Singapore 2014!

Blown away by Chvrches!

Hello again, yup I just got back from Singapore last night to watch Chvrches live! It was such a great night really, but I was so tired after reaching home last night that I knocked out right away. Anyway the concert was so great oh gosh, it was so awesome that I had a difficult time "moving on" haha. Severe withdrawal syndrome right here! But I'm just glad that I went for it. Even though it means I have to fly to Singapore to catch them. Totally no regrets!

Anyway I went to the concert with Brenda! I went to Sentosa straight and met her there as she had work. There was a queue already when I reached there. The wait went by pretty quickly and we went inside. The Coliseum is such a hot venue to hold a concert, not sure if the fans beside us are actually functional heh. But no complains, I just can't wait to see Chvrches! Riot !n Magenta opened the act and they are so good! You have a new fan here haha.

And then Chvrches came on stage! They opened their gig with "We Sink" and damn I am loving the energy. I can still remember when they entered the stage, my heart was beating so fast and I was smiling like a retard. Like oh my god, I'm finally catching them live. It's a dream come true! Haha. I am so happy that they play all of their songs from their first album, and also my favourite new song from them "Get Away". It was such a joy singing to "Gun" and dancing the night away to their music. Life was forgotten in that one hour plus or so. Pure adrenaline and endorphin really.

 Martin blowing us away with Under The Tide

Also... Brenda won a lucky draw contest by HMV where we got to meet them for a meet-and-greet (shortening it to M&G) session! It was a pair given out so Brenda and I went for it. I am just so thankful to her for this opportunity! Anyway we were instructed to move to the back of the venue "when the last song plays". But we don't know what's the last song, but we do know it's usually "The Mother We Share" so with a bit of heartache (since we love that song so much!) we moved to the back of the venue. And turned out, they played like 4 more songs! Including one of my favourites from the new Mockingjay movie - "Dead Air". But it's okay, I got to enjoy it still from the back :P

 Speechless, happy and star-struck

"point at Martin's arm on my shoulder"

The M&G session happened rather quickly after their concert. There were 2 more people who won another concert (by Universal Music I think) and we were waiting for the session to start. We entered a room where the trio were there and they greeted us. I shook hands with all of them and introduced myself. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STAR-STRUCK I WAS. I just froze and stumble my speeches out but I was trying hard to keep my cool and tried my best to chat with them. They are such lovely lovely and friendly people! Anyway there's a funny moment in this session!

Brenda and I prepared some gifts for them. So when the M&G session organiser guy told us to exit the room, I asked if I can give my gift for them.

Me: Hi, I actually prepared some gifts for the band, can I pass it to them?

M&G Guy: *looking annoyed* why don't you give to their manager? *points at manager*

Me to manager: Oh okay... Hi this is some gifts for the band from me...

Martin: Hey don't give it to her, give it to me!

*walks briskly towards him*

Me: Hi oh yeah this is my gift for you guys... It's postcards from my country... You see I'm an Indonesian.. And there are some polaroids of my hometown and cats!

Martin: Oh wow cool, thank you so much! So you flew in here?

Me: Yeah I did!

*Time running out and we left the room*

IT WAS THE BEST MOMENT OF THE SESSION HAHAHA.

Brenda and I were so overwhelmed by the experience we couldn't speak after we left the room and we're just so excited about the whole moment! I just can't believe I actually talked to them... It's a memory I will never forget really! And once again thank you Brenda for this! All of this wouldn't have happened without you. Thank you so so so very much! :)

 Thank you for being such an awesome partner for this gig!

We left Sentosa to have dinner and then I went to her house as she has something to pass for me. Thank you for the gifts from Hong Kong and Turkey as well! I hope you enjoy drinking the Luwak coffee I gave you too. Which was supposedly for Chvrches but I was too excited that I forgot to pass it to them (silly me!). And then I made my way back to the hostel. And knocked out right away too.

 Thanks Chvrches for the amazing night!

Oh man it was such a wonderful night... I seriously can't believe that I actually talked and shook hands with one of my favourite bands (and favourite electronic band). The concert itself was so so good really. I love their energy, love Lauren's bubbliness and basically the chemistry of the band and the audience. I hope one day they'll come to Indonesia and I'll definitely be there again!

Okay I'm going to talk about my Saturday in Singapore on another post! Chvrches was so good! I can't seem to move on from the concert hah. Alright till then, see you soon!

Humbled

I feel really bad cause it seems like I've been neglecting this blog, for I haven't blogged for 9 days! But anyway I have my reasons for this, I am currently involved in another "project" which you will find out soon enough I suppose. And I feel bad too cause ever since I hit my resolution of blogging a hundred posts this year, I feel a lesser need of writing here hah, but no worries I am trying still to blog as often as possible. Just that in the past few days I've been involved in other stuff.

Anyway on Saturday, someone I know called me up to teach me something. It is something that not many people do now, in fact very few people do. And I am very humbled that he wants to teach this precious skill to me. And I hope I can help people with this skill in the future. When I think about it, I really feel that this is a very rare skill now. Not many people know it.

What skill you ask? Something to do with Fengshui!

Well so I am learning how to look for auspicious days for different events. Although like I said in my previous post months ago, about how I don't fully believe in this, but instead I tell myself that there is a reason to why we choose the days. As this method is based on the Chinese Lunar Calendar, and that every year the calendar changes according to the moon cycle, a book is published every year to look for such days. Not everyone can easily understand the book and so he's teaching me how to read it. And no, it's not easy. I'm still struggling sometimes.

I am pretty humbled and amazed sometimes when I think about this skill. This skill has been used in the olden days in China, where people still use stars and moons to look for signs of events. When to plant, when to harvest and so on. To me I feel very amazed by the fact that somehow, the universe is involved in our lives. Of course, when we use our "logic", it is out of our understanding to how the position of moon and stars can affect our lives. After all Shakespeare says it is not in the stars that hold our destiny but ourselves. But why do people in the past still use them, and are kinda correct about it. Like how some culture still plant/harvest crops at a particular period.

Well I suppose there's a lot of things that life can't explain. And a lot of things that don't need an explanation. They just happen beautifully by the power of the stars and the moon and how every atom and molecule of the universe seem to vibrate in their own beautiful way to produce such an event. If you get what I mean. Life itself is a big, great and beautiful unknown.

And I suppose, no one can answer life.

Distant dream

It's been a week since RRREC Fest In The Valley and I am still recuperating from the post-concert syndrome, which includes listening to songs of the band, watching performance videos of the band on Youtube etc. Which in my case, is White Shoes and The Couples Company. To me they are really an inspiring and talented Indonesian band. While not many Indonesians know them, they have toured around parts of Europe and the USA. How cool is that!

Watching them perform really inspire me, and I can tell from their performance of how much they love music and performing. Which reminds me of a childhood dream of mine - to become a musician. Or back then, a piano player. Now, I want to be in a band touring around the world!

Along my life, my dreams change and evolve. But one dream of mine never change much. Since young I've always wanted to be a musician. When I first heard Richard Clayderman music, I was so inspired by his music and playing that I really want to be a pianist. But as I grow up, I found out there's more to music than just the piano. So I don't want to restrict myself to the piano, but I just want to be a musician - anything that involves playing and performing with music.

As I grow older I discovered many bands. Many great bands. And I've always wanted to be in a band. Seeing my favourite bands live felt really awesome. Seeing these great individuals doing what they love doing, making music, and making the audience happy and inspired too. They get to travel around the world and see its great sights. They get to meet people, they favourite bands/musicians too. I seriously think it's such a great and ultimate life. Doing what you love doing everyday.

Of course life doesn't always go according to plan, or more like... It never goes according to plan. I'm not in a band now, I don't have a music career and so on. But I do know one thing, that I still make music and I enjoy doing it. I still play the piano, strum my ukulele and sing while I shower. I think of music everyday, sometimes I compose songs when I'm free and so on. You see the thing is - I never stop doing what I love doing. And I think that's most important.

Perhaps being a musician is just a distant dream of mine. But I just keep on doing what I love doing because well, why wouldn't I do things I love doing? And who knows one day, life will work in its mysteriously beautiful way, and this distant dream won't be so distant after all.

Reborn

Today I came across with a thought.

"What if you were to be reborn. Would you want to be reborn into a new life? Or would you want to be reborn to a similar life, but is able to make changes to it?"

There are days where I wish I can restart my life. I want to be reborn again, start anew, and I wish I can make a few changes to the present. There are days where I wish I can live another life. A new life, a new person, a new place and a new story. And also there are days where I tell myself to treasure what I have now, and hold on because bright days are coming.

So today I came across with that thought. If there are two buttons in front of me right now. If I press the button on the left, my life will restart from the beginning, and I get to make changes as I go through the same life I've lived thus far. If I press the button on the right, my life would end but I will be reborn into a brand new life. Without memories or connection with my current one.

I suppose restarting my life would be awesome. I can make changes to my current life. Do things I wish I could have done. Do things I regretted not doing. Very exciting. It feels like a better life is promised. A life I wished to live. Restarting into a totally new life sounds interesting to. Although you won't know where you will end up in, the thought of living a "new life" is exciting too right?

Well but then again, what if you have reached the current stage of your life, after restarting it? So you've done all the great things, the things you wish you would do and stuff. And then you ask yourself the same question: what's next? And no, you can't just keep on restarting your life. It's not fair hah. And also, if you were to choose the second option, what if you were to be reborn into a life you hate? Say you're reborn into a life that is much worst that your current one.

I feel that our existence here in this world, in this life, is a mysterious gift that no one can explain. Often I ask myself, why do I exist in this world. And like Mark Twain said, there are two important days in your life: the day you're born and the day you find out why. I'm still 22 so I am pretty sure it's way too early for me to discover why am I born into this world. And till I found the answer to that question, I shouldn't even think of being reborn into another life, before ending mine!

I've always told myself to believe that I am born into this world to do something great. Everyone is. When you believe this, it will give you a sense of hope and greatness in life, and a drive to keep on doing what you love doing. As much as I believe that life is a blank canvas we are painting on, I too believe that we are doing to paint something great in this big piece of canvas. And well, no one knows what we are going to paint. But if you believe you're going to paint something great, you will.

So back to the question. Well if let's say I am forced to choose those two buttons... Well I will choose the first option. I am given this life. And if I were to be given a chance to make better changes to it, then I will. And I will finish this story of mine, instead of jumping on to write another. We make regrets in life, and it's normal. Regrets are there for a reason in this life. Without regrets, we wouldn't learn the art of trying again. Without regrets, life wouldn't be so colourful. Seriously.

I don't have such choices now. So I will just continue to live my life to the fullest, to enjoy writing this story and to carry on doing my best in everything. And I hope I won't need to make such choices, ever, in this life. Let me just finish this story, reap what I sow, harvest what I reaped.