Tuesday, 15 October 2019


Continuing from my previous post.

So as mentioned, I spent the night at the hospital with Pa Bambang and his wife. He was placed at the observation room, which is near the emergency unit. So as we were waiting, we see people coming in. Some looking for medical treatment and some were in an emergency. There was also a pregnant lady whom I think is going into labour, cause her face seemed to be in pain from contractions.

Along the night I witnessed these people. A pregnant lady seemingly in pain from her contractions. A few young men who looked like they're having stomach discomfort (they were holding on to their stomachs). An old lady who looked like she was having difficulty breathing as well. 

In the morning on my way to the blood bank to settle the transfusion issues, I passed by the baby room and heard the sounds of crying newborns. The morning air was cold and crisp. The sun was shining and somehow it was a pretty surreal and serendipitous moment to be in.

As I was accompanying Pa Bambang who's in quite a critical condition, I'm seeing and hearing all these sounds and sights - of life. A lady about to give birth. Sounds of babies crying. Young men who fell sick. An old lady who looks frail. And of course Pa Bambang himself fighting for his life.

In that night I was just feeling helpless, yet hopeful. I still held on to the hope that he's going to be okay once he went for haemodialysis. I'm still hopeful that the drugs administered are able to bring him to a stable condition. But I was also helpless looking at him struggling to breathe. A conscious, human being, gasping for air. And yet there is nothing we could do at that point. It was tough.

That morning felt surreal to me. It was as if I was hearing and looking at the sounds and sights of life. A lifetime, summarised in these senses I was experiencing. It was weird. But beautiful.

Monday, 14 October 2019

Death and All His Friends

Today was a sad day. Someone I know for a long time, and a prominent figure in the temple has passed away. And everything unfolded rather quickly so yeah, it was quite a sad news to wake up to.

Actually I spent the whole of Sunday night at the hospital accompanying him and his wife. It was a really sudden news because earlier on Sunday afternoon, my dad actually called him and asked him to meet him on Monday to talk about treatment plans. And at 11 PM, his wife contacted my sister telling her that they're both at the hospital. So I decided to meet them at the hospital.

Long story short, he's suffering from renal failure. And seeing his blood test results I am in deep shock. How can he still lead his everyday life with such results is beyond my understanding on the human body. Cause his wife told me that in the past week he was still going on about his normal routine. With such states he would have been unconscious in my opinion... 

We were just waiting for his blood pressure, SpO2 level and blood acidity level to return to acceptable levels after medications were given to him, so that he can safely go for haemodialysis. At 3 AM his blood pressure went to safe levels so we were just waiting to see if it will stay stable. But at 4 AM his blood pressure rises again, and his SpO2 level decreased again.

Waited again till 7 AM and his blood pressure went back to safe level again. We were also waiting for his blood to be checked by the blood bank for transfusion as his Hb level was low. And also waiting from the haemodialysis department for the green light. His wife's sister came and I decided to go back home since there's someone else accompanying her then.

At 8:30 his wife messaged me saying that he's going for haemodialysis soon so I was quite relieved and went to sleep. And when I woke up later in the afternoon.... I received the bad news. It turned out that his blood pressure went up again and thus he couldn't go for haemodialysis.

Tinge of guilt hit me, wishing I was there to accompany him and his wife. And to be honest it was really tough to see him suffer. Because of his renal failure, he was having lung oedema (where the lungs is filled with water, because the kidneys couldn't get rid of it). So he was suffocating and having difficulty breathing. I swear seeing him telling me that it's difficult for him to breathe was really tough. Because I know he was conscious. It was really tough. I wish I no one would experience it.

When my late aunt and grandma passed away, they were unconscious. So even though it looks like they were "struggling", their brain has "switched off" and they didn't really know what was happening to them. But this time round it was different. He was awake, he was aware.

He is a prominent figure in the temple, and probably the Buddhist community of my hometown. So I think we have lost quite a figure. And my family and I have known him since I was young. He used to fetch my sister, cousins and I for Sunday school and send us home). And he used to coordinate with me when the temple needs flowers for events or prayers, of if there's anything else we can help.

We'll miss him for sure.

Selamat Jalan Pa Bambang. Thank you for everything that you have done for the Buddhist community of Sukabumi. I will never forget them. Sorry that I couldn't do much last night. Rest easy and may you cross the other shore. Condolences to his family. Take care everyone.

Sunday, 13 October 2019


There's something about Sundays. That feel, that moment, that vibe where you know that another week is starting. There is a sense of excitement of what's to come, but there's also sense of apprehension because you don't know what's to come. But well, we always keep going. It's like life isn't it. We go to bed every night not knowing what will come for us tomorrow.

Happy Sunday everyone.

Saturday, 12 October 2019

You Deserve This

"You're listening to, Oncle Jazz"

Currently spinning Men I Trust new album Oncle Jazz on the vinyl player on this chill Saturday night. So glad that the vinyl arrived today! Just in time for me to chill tonight. Well it's been a habit (or hobby?) of mine to just play some vinyl on Saturday nights and do nothing. Just lay on my bed and listen to the music. It feels pretty good. To take a proper good break before another week begins.

Well to be honest there's no such things as weekend for me heh. I always have stuff to do on weekends. So on the night of Friday and Saturday is when I chill. Listen to music, watch YouTube videos and stuff. On Saturday I usually listen to some vinyl and do some journalling too. Usually I would journal while listening to the vinyl playing but these days, I do it separately.

Anyway, the new Men I Trust album really suits this Saturday night feels! Especially with my favourite song from them playing throughout the room - You Deserve This. I really love this song. I feel warm and nice whenever I listen to it. There's this whole cosy vibe from the song haha. And the title says it all too - You Deserve This! I really recommend listening to this song at the end of a day or week. Don't do anything and just listen to it as you lay on your bed. It's bliss.

Alright I guess that's all for now. My Blogtober has been doing quite well I suppose. Lets keep it up! Just a short post tonight cause I wanna chill on this Saturday night :P

Friday, 11 October 2019

Galway Sky

Another random music post for today! I just recently got reunited with this beautiful song by Emiko Shiratori titled Galway Sky. So it took me 18 years to actually realise that this is a separate song by Emiko instead of a song from FFIX! Well that's because I discovered this song from a OST album for FFIX. It was just titled Galway and I thought that this is a song from the game (even though I never heard it play inside the game at all haha). It's one of my favourite songs!

Now that I know the lyrics, I fell in love with the song even more. I hope I can get Emiko's CDs!

Thursday, 10 October 2019

World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day and my social media is buzzing about it. I would say it's a great thing! It's really time for the world to drop the stigma of mental health issues. And I hope more people can come forward to share and talk about their experiences too. I know it's hard but I always believe that recognising and accepting your mental health issues is a really important first step.

Sadly I live in a country where there is still a huge stigma about mental health. It's not so easy to talk to people about this issue, especially when people here throw the whole spectrum of mental health issues into one huge umbrella. People usually go straight to just generalising one's mental health issue with "lunatic" or "genetic" or some even believe in black magic and so on. And sadly, weakness.

Personally... I haven't been clinically diagnosed with depression or anxiety. But I've had my fair share of dark thoughts accompanying me throughout my life. And somehow the past three years have been especially more challenging for me. And I can't really share what I'm going through with anyone here.

And not only me, but I realise a few of my friends are sharing the same sentiment too. Though not directly or outspokenly, I think we are all going through somewhat a similar condition.

Can't really talk much about it here heh.

But anyway, if you are struggling with anything, I really encourage you to open up and find someone you can trust and talk to, and share it with them. Or if you can please seek help from a counselour, psychologist or therapist. I understand how hard it is to even share things with your own family members. A good friend is also a good platform. Just someone who can listen to your story.

And most importantly, I hope you can keep holding on. Have faith, be brave and keep going. Nothing in this life is permanent. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. Your dark clouds will disappear as the winds of change are constantly blowing free in your life.

And as always, as Florence and The Machine song goes; it's always darkest before the dawn.

Happy World's Mental Health Day!

Wednesday, 9 October 2019


Okay I have a confession: I actually write two posts in one day HAHAHA. As in... I'm writing this post on the 10th. Like 2 posts in a day, get it? Okay well sorry for "cheating" but I was just having a lot of work last night so I couldn't blog. In fact I finished work at like 5 AM ish. It was pretty late so I decided to push my blogging schedule to today. Well it's cheating but it's not. Get it.

Anyway yes I'm always quite busy in the beginning and the ending of each month hah. So yeah, please understand that. I feel that as you grow older, you will create a rhythm in your life. A rhythm for each day, week, month and so on. So yes I'm just following my "monthly" rhythm finishing work on the beginning of the month. I guess it's just life. You will find a routine and you'll do it.

The fun thing about routine and rhythms is that... You'll find ways to make them work! And to make them work well and smoothly too. I think I have like transitioned from a schedule guy, to happy-go-lucky guy, and now I'm a make-use-of-your-time-well kind of guy. I think as you grow older, you will realise how precious time is. And you'll do your best to make full use of each day.

And from here you will realise that even the slightest change to your routine can give a huge impact in your day/week/month. Things like doing work part by part every day so that you won't have a huge one at the end of the deadline, or even arranging your schedule and time well so that your day will run smoothly. I think this is part of growing up, how we manage our time and eventually our life.

Perhaps me doing 2 posts in one day is part of the trick too! :P