Appreciated

 Appreciate

Well uhh nahh this post has nothing to do with me being appreciated. But more of the opposite, that I've been thinking of so many things for the past two days that I truly appreciate. And also being grateful for. But I think appreciating something is sort of more meaningful that just simply be grateful for it? It's like you recognise the things that happened to you, you feel thankful that they happened and you appreciate them for happening.

I know this sounds absurd but I've been realising that a lot of things that happened to me, or more too, of the things that I chose to do are things I'm very grateful for happening/choosing. And it's absurd because I think of them during random times of the day like when I'm egesting some undigested food out. Or when I'm walking somewhere and so on. A lot of things I'm thankful for. And I can't seriously think how my life would be if they didn't happen.

Starting from primary school - joining the Angklung & Kulintang ensemble. Being an Indonesian, and to be exact a Sundanese, the Angklung is not something foreign to me. In fact I've played it a few times before I come to Singapore. So why did I not choose another CCA or try out stuff and so on, but decided to choose this CCA instead? I don't know, perhaps back then it was more of pride, that my country's traditional music is being appreciated in my primary school. And so I joined. And I was blown away, and am blown away too for joining.

My instructor/conductor Ms Cindy Ho guided us by playing not only traditional songs but also modern and even new age songs. I mean like now that I know more of music, I can't believe at times that we played Phantom of The Opera theme song for SYF 2004 and even won a Silver award. And we played new age songs by Enya too. Perhaps I can truly say that joining this CCA was the key to the window of the music world.

That I began to appreciate different kind of music in such a young age.

Of course actually I wanted to join the band ever since I came to Singapore but PTPS has no band. So I decided to join band in secondary school and that's when my music dictionary expanded. And my music world exploded. I began to enjoy more music and also open myself to different kind of music - both by listening to them and playing and making them. So yeah it was brilliant. And of course I decided to continue the band path in polytechnic.

And in polytechnic I am glad that I had the chance to play and perform songs I've been wanting to play - or I wish I could play - or I never imagined I would play. I first heard Alfred Reed's El Camino Real and I told myself this is a hard song and I don't think I can play it. But hey, I performed it with the band for IBM XXIX in 2011.

Songs like overture 1812 was also such an amazing piece to perform and to play. It was such a perfect piece to end my band life, which I always hope can always continue. Like I once told myself that joining band was one of the best decisions I made in life, and continuing with band in poly was an even better decision. I have no regrets man, totally.

That's the music side I suppose. But yup the side of things that I appreciate which I've been thinking for days. It's really an amazing feeling how I realised that everything formed like a beautiful chain. How it all began in primary school up till now. I've always believed that things happened for a reason. And that life may not give you the reason today or tomorrow but ten years later.

And I guess this events remind me that if you keep on doing the things you love, and keep running with your passion, life will give you a reward. It's nothing else but a sense of joy and satisfaction that no one can feel but yourself. And I think this matters more than fame and money. This feeling of happiness that at the end of the day, the things you did matter a lot to you and you're happy for choosing the path you have been choosing all these years.

I loved Mark Twain's saying that in 20 years time you will regret more of the things that you didn't do than the things you did. Which is very true. Looking back, I have no regrets in doing the things that I have done, in choosing the choices I have made. Of course there are lots of regrets that I have for some of the things that I didn't do. But then again, I don't REGRET it like I hold grudges to them. It's just a funny sort of regret that I laughed off.

Because of all the things I did, and the things I didn't do - I did them because I did them. And whatever choices I made, I will bear the consequence. And because of this I didn't really regret much and stuff. Live life to the fullest because if you don't then no one else will! :)

Okay just a random blogpost but yeah, it feels good writing. Ciao, Saturday's here!

PS: I'm just a 100 posts away to my 1000th! Sweet 

21

Right so here I am writing this as an officially-turned 21 year old guy. Sweet! Do I feel special? No. Do I feel weird? No. Do I feel old? No (yes). I suppose turning 21 feels pretty much normal, in fact as normal as how my birthday went. Nothing special except for a nice dinner with my aunts and cousins. It's quite funny how most people take this particular age as a special age. Well perhaps yes because we're mostly "legal" for many stuff now woohoo!

But well yeah I feel pretty much normal I suppose. I see a few of my friends posting "OMG I'm turning 21 next year/month/week/today [inserts sad/shocked/scared face]". Well I guess of course we are all afraid to know that we're growing old every birthday. But hey don't worry you're not the only one turning 21 and neither you're the only one growing old. So cheer up and be happy! We're growing old together weeeee! So don't worry.

Well I guess for me turning 21 is a rather exciting event. Because one, I'm closer to the final destination we're heading to. Two, I can't wait to see how the rest of my life look like. And lastly yeah perhaps about the legal thing. I get to watch R21 movies ouyeah (no please don't judge me haha). Just kidding but yeah I guess we're more able to do more stuff now? That's a nicer way to put it. But well I guess this also means I'm getting involved in the social world.

Paying taxes and thinking about the future. Managing your money and career and so on.

You see whenever my birthday comes, I would see it as a new year. A new beginning. You know like at every year-end I would reflect how the year has been. So just like a "year" at the and of my "age" I reflect on how my "age" has been. So from turning 20 last year I guess I have done quite a lot of stuff till now. Learned a lot and achieved a lot.

I think the biggest achievement of the 20th year of existence would be graduating from Singapore Polytechnic. And to be exact finishing with my Final Year Project (FYP) and worst still soloing it. But of course I'm not alone because I have the guidance from my lovely mentor Dr Simon Tan and the support (both academically and emotionally) from my peers. So 20 was quite a challenging year. But it was all worth it I suppose?

In the twenty was also my first time living alone in Singapore as my sister has previously returned back to Indonesia. Living alone was quite tough at times especially with the homesickness and so on. But was also a fun one because I have to take care of my well being, both in terms of health and mind. Planning my meals, doing things which keep me happy and so on. In the twenty, I discovered the joy and happiness, and the value of being lonely.

Living alone sure has taught you how to be happy by yourself. And how to be create happiness from nothingness and from yourself (thanks to the Dalai Lama book which I read last year, The Art of Happiness). I've had nice moments of being solitary. From going to parks alone, chilling in Starbucks alone and of course the greatest achievement I've had was to travel alone to Bali for my solo graduation trip. Which was really really, a lovely experience.

In the twenty, was also a year of change. Because it is the age where I left Singapore for good after spending 11 years studying there. Which is really a sad parting to do but well, life has to go on. I've decided to head back after earning my diploma to help out my parents. And with this sad fact I'm thankful for everything that I had in Singapore. But most importantly it's the relationship. The Friendship that I have made with so many people here.

Being alone is a nice thing - but knowing you're not alone is better.

Whew, so many things happened in this past year huh? Just one year, from twenty to twenty one. So many things have happened. I too have perhaps changed in a few ways and I think I'm very fine with that. Because change is the only constant in this world. So yeah, there's my point about growing up - you don't know what great and not-so-great things that can happen within one year that will shape you as who you are today. 

A year ago I was blogging in the comfort of my room in Singapore. A year later I'm blogging in the comfort of my room back in my hometown. And hmm I don't know where I will blog next year. In a new house (yeah right I wish)? Maybe overseas? Maybe... I don't know. I guess this is the thing that makes life so exciting. You don't know what's gonna come and how exciting things will be! But at the same time well there are days where we will be afraid of the dark days.

Well I know it's hard but I always try to be optimistic everytime, everyday. Life is never beautiful without some dark days. So yep, I know there will be some dark days and some bright and sunny ones. We just need to learn how to picnic during the sunny days and how to dance in the rain during the stormy days. In this way, then we won't need to be afraid what if there are 3 consecutive dark days ahead of us and that we'll be gloomy for 3 days.

Like my favourite principle of existence in Buddhism, Anicca, nothing is permanent!

And so is life. So live it to the fullest :)

Anyway, I guess 21 is the age of reality. Why do I say so? I guess this is really the age where we face life with a quiet smile and at the same time we are filled with loud doubts. Seems to me like the teenage years (15 - 19/20) are the nice years where we feel that life is so beautiful and that what we wanna do can be so achievable. But when we hit the twentys that's when we realised we're trapped between doing what we love, and doing what we have to do.

21 is the age where many factors will come inside and mix like a beautiful concoction of a harmless poison. In our mind it's still a poison and we're afraid of it. But it's really harmless. It's the age where we consider things very carefully and at the same time we are trying our best for our tongues to taste its sweetness but being surrounded by many bitterness. We're trying to tell ourselves to be happy, to do what we love, and at the same time be filled with doubts.

I guess it's pretty normal really.

I myself have been asking myself the same question, and telling myself the same thing. Seems weird how reality and dreams now are colliding in a beautiful way. Reality tells me that my dreams will not come true but dreams shout a quiet whisper that there's nothing wrong with holding onto them. So yeah, it is also the age where I consider, and think and also find a solution to how I can make reality and dreams something that can intertwine together like a beautiful tapestry.

Sure, I may not do what I want as my head has planned it for the past few years and I've been constantly blocked with many road blocks. My I will still hand onto my dreams like a pollen grain holding tightly to a body of a bee, waiting to be dropped onto a stigma and turn into a beautiful fruit everyone can savour. Because dreams are dreams until they become a reality.

I may not do what I planned to do, but I will keep on doing what I love doing.

So as of now, I'm 21. How will the next year go by, nobody knows. But well 2013 has so far been a year of change. Continuously changing in the most erratically beautiful way. So well yup I can't wait for the year end where I can do another reflection of how this changeful year has been. And yup, I can't wait to see what who I am when I turn 22. It's gonna be interesting and well yeah, funny too cause surely I will read this again next year heh.

Alright I'm 21 now.

And I hope  for a great year ahead, and to become a healthier, wiser and happier person in the year to come. May 21 be a greater one than 20.

And to my friends turning 21 and feeling afraid, or everyone else feeling afraid of growing a number on your age (like everybody else)

Age is just a number

Age is not a label we put on our heads

Age is however a reminder that tells us where we are in this life.

Happy (belated) birthday to me.

Easy

I'm really slow but I realised how convenient Youtube is now (or more like ages ago) that  we can make playlists of videos. To be exact playlist of music videos. I recently found lots of great new songs. Indie songs awwyyeeaahhh. And I really can't wait to get the chance to get their physical album. Or probably just get them from iTunes store haha. Indie songs are hard to get here or yet alone in Singapore. So yup. Waiting till I get the chance to do so.

Seems like Sunday dawns are the best or probably my favourite time to blog. It's good to know that today is Sunday and that Sundays are lovely days where I can do nothing (much). So life's good. I feel more relaxed on these times. So yeah I really enjoyed blogging now. And I guess it's time for me to no longer blog about my daily life here since there's nothing much to blog about. But sure I'll keep an update of major things that have happened hehe.

And by the way the title refers to Real Estate's song Easy which I was listening to just now.

Well life is alright I guess. Nothing much happened except that I was down with a fever the whole of Saturday. I was having gastric on Thursday and Friday. It's a weird gastric that only acts up like once every 30 - 60 minutes. But the occurrences increased on Friday. Then on Saturday I woke up feeling very chilly and feverish. After breakfast the feeling worsen and yeah. So I just spent my Saturday sleeping and resting away. But I'm okay now so yay.

Talking about breakfast it's Ramadhan once again. The fasting month is here and so now every dawn and dusk the mosques around my house call for Sahur and Buka respectively. I miss these sounds haha. It's something I've never heard for like 11 years I think. It's good to hear them again even though I myself is not fasting. But to live in a Muslim country you will embrace and appreciate these things even though you're not a Muslim yourself.

And yes life is more beautiful if people embrace things hmm?

So I know I'm 4 days late but to all Muslims out there wishing you a happy and smooth sailing month of Puasa ahead :) Hope all goes well.

The fasting month has been an indication to me that time is flying. I know that the day to begin fasting will be pushed back for 11 days every year (I think it has something to do with the Arabic calendar) and of course naturally it will feel that time flies faster every year. But nevertheless yeah it's always becoming a reminder for me that time is flying. But well life is life and like I always believe time flies and life goes on. And actually time flies constantly.

I always look back on what happened during last year's fasting month, during the year's fasting month. So in 2012 I was still in Singapore cause I was having FYP and ITP. So it feels meh haha. Although last year I get to spend Hari Raya here in my homeland. Then in 2011 I still remember that after Hari Raya the GTs got invited to Syafiqah's house for her Hari Raya Open House and we had a great lunch at her house. It was delicious.

At times every night before I sleep I would tell myself that time really flies. I would reminisce of the past and smile upon the sweet memories that I have experienced and went through. How I wish I could rewind back time to a particular moment and so on. But of course memories will be memories and the past will never come back physically to the present.

It seems rather bizarre that as I grow older. I mean now that I have stopped school academically and that I have entered this next phase, I know that I have lesser time as I grow old. And yup I would want to squeeze as many opportunities to do the things that I want before I grow old and not being able to do them anymore. Not only I won't have the time, but I too won't have the energy.

I have some crazy plans I want to carry out next year. I hope I can do so. I think I can.

Saturday

It's considered Sunday now, as I'm writing this I know haha. Can't blame me for writing at such ungodly hour right. I love writing at such times, you should know why. But anyho yes it's my favourite day again (now), it's Saturday! Or more like it was Saturday. I love Saturday, I think it's the slackest day of the week where I don't feel so uptight about things and work haha. Everything seems to go pretty slowly and just really nice. I like it.

Although sad to say, I feel that there's no such things as weekends now. There are always things I need to do even on weekends. On Saturdays.

You know I really miss those days back in Singapore where I don't do anything on Saturdays. Well unless there are work to do or when the exams are near, I would wake up early to do work. Then after that I will watch the TV during the day, go out (maybe) in the evening, then spend the rest of the night on my laptop surfing the internet. Or I'll play the piano or blog or watch the TV once again. Because great movies seem to love to play on weekends.

I'll go to the temple on Sunday mornings, have lunch at Holland V, then laze around till evening where I'll go for my run and Sunday was spent mostly on work. Or during ITP I would drown myself in Sunday blues because tomorrow is Monday. Oh man, I really miss those days! Which also actually I kinda regretted not making me weekends more meaningful last time. Like I could have gone overseas to travel for 3D2N or simple a day trip somewhere.

But of course I guess as you grow older, when we start working etc, everyone's definition of weekends will one way or another be changed. And be it a good or bad way, change is the only constant after all. I wouldn't really consider that I have a "5 day work week" here right now. Since as I mentioned above, there's always things that I need to do on Saturdays and even on Sunday night I have work to do. Life is life, there's nothing I can do much.

Though I really hope from within my heart that I can change this habit in the future.

Things are changing as days go by, that's for sure. You know I was chatting with my cousin just now (they're here for the weekend). And it seems so surreal and bizarre at the same time that... I'm talking to a grown up man (or maybe young adult he's same age as me). When we were young we would go out and play. At night we would make noise and laugh etc. But now we simply had a chat and I really enjoyed such chats with him. But deep inside it feels... I don't know. Weird, that we're both young adults now. No longer kids.

Most of my cousins are now either working or are currently in universities studying. I'm left with like 5 cousins (out of the 13) who are either still in primary, secondary or senior high school. And the rest (like me) are working or still in universities. And being young adults, we all have our own busy times. It's harder to meet up cause of work and studies.

Like for example when we meet up last time, the question that we would ask each other is when is our next holiday so that we can meet up. But now that we're already working, there's no such things as school holidays. And hence it is more difficult for us to meet together. Hah, I guess when my mum said that I should enjoy school as much as possible, now I know why.

At times I cannot imagine how life will be like when all of us are married already and have our own family. I suppose it will be even harder to meet and well imagine the next time, perhaps it will be our children that will continue this "tradition" of asking each other when is their holiday and so on.

Oh man thinking about all these make me feel real old.

But well I still love the company of my family. My cousins, aunts and uncles.

Alright I guess that's all for now. Sunday is here, yay!

July

Hello hello hello I'm here to blog again. Oh well can't believe it's July now! It's 4 hours past 39 minutes into July as I'm writing this. Wow haha. It's the first of July which means it's the 182nd day of the year. We're exactly halfway across the year. Time FLIES. Flies is an understatement. Ah well, as always. Time moves that's for sure. And we have no control over it either.

Life's been alright I suppose. Coping here better and better. I really hope that July will be a great month ahead because I have some plans and ideas in mind that I would love to implement. I need to add spice and colours into my life here. Working life is definitely not as colourful as student's life I guess? I mean it's pretty much a routine. So I need to spice things up.

And I've been failing because... Sadly speaking I really lack of discipline. And I got easily distracted. When I say I wanna do A tomorrow it may begin the day after tomorrow. When I say I want to make B a habit it becomes a habit maybe a week later and so on. It sucks and I feel helpless at the same time because there's nothing much I can do.

But anyway yeah, I hope July will be a great month ahead! Somehow I know it will. I don't know the past two days I've been getting this weird fuzzy feeling about the next month (AKA July) to be exciting. But oh well which reminds me also that I will turn 21 this month. Meh, I don't feel excited about it haha. I guess there's nothing special about being 21.

Though I wish I'm like Adele producing an awesome album at such age.

Well it's been a month plus since I'm back here embarking on a new journey and writing the new chapter in my life. I have no words, or perhaps it's not the time for me to write how I feel about this new chapter. It's been 36 days since I'm back and that's too early to say I suppose. I'm definitely taking slow steps. I don't like to jump into things.

Like one of my favourite songs from Sigur Ros "Agaetis byrjun" I guess this is an alright beginning. And like all beginning, it can get difficult but I'm sure it's just a sign that something greater is coming towards me.

I know it sounds weird but. There are times where I feel like I don't wanna grow up. I wanna remain as a youth all my life. Then there are times where I wish I can just get over and done with this phase of life and skip to where I retire. Then there are times where I really feel excited to know what's there to come and how will life be when I grow up. Mixed feeling, but it's kind of exciting to think of the future and how it's gonna be like.

Ah well, life is life.

On the other hand check this awesome video I found on Youtube!



It's an awesome video about doing good, and how it can make a difference to someone else's life! And nice song too by Noah and The Whale :)

Alright here's to an awesome week ahead. And a great month of July ahead!

Ah, writing this reminds me of my ITP days.