Friday 25 October 2013

Alone

Hello. Whew today seems like a very very busy day, although actually nothing much happened. I just felt like I was rushed through time towards the end, and that I had so little time but well actually I do have time. Somehow everything seems really fast and yeah, rushed and so on. Felt really busy somehow! But well I'm glad it's over. And that the weekend is here!

Talking about fast, today marks the 5th month since I'm back here. Can't believe it's been a good five months! I thought graduation was a month ago or something. But well I suppose I've been pretty pre-occupied with (new) things that time seems to flow at an unnoticeable rate which makes me forget about time. And oh gosh it's 6 more days to November.

The past few days I've been missing my life in Singapore. My friends, the things I used to do, the people, and the places. And it seems rather enriching too to know that I've lived my life there and so on. Sense of pride, happiness and sadness all mixed up whenever I'm reminiscing about my life on that sunny island. But I suppose it's all for a good note.

Of course life here, and there are two very different conditions. In many different ways. But I suppose, there's a major difference that I had noticed about my life here. In fact for the past 5 months I feel that there's something missing, something different in life. I've been searching and searching for that missing piece but I can't seem to find it. And today, I did.

It's the time spent being alone. 

I recently came across a thoughtcatalog post on "How to handle a quarter life crisis at 22" [link can be found here] and also a few other blog posts regarding the same issue (about living your twenties) and they have a common point about taking time for yourself. Setting time for a me-time, for yourself to do things that make you happy.

And I truly agree with it. It's been a habit for me now, ever since I went for LEAP Foundation camp which I learnt to take some time off for yourself, to take some time everyday to do things I love, if possible alone. Be it watching Youtube videos, or simply listening to good music on my headphone (even before I sleep!) and so on and forth.

I spent most of 2012, or more like my last academic year in Singapore, alone. Of course I have my friends, I mean... I stayed in Singapore without the company of my sister. So I tried to find ways to make me happy and do things I enjoy alone. Or most of the time, I have to be independent, for I'm living alone. So I did grocery shopping alone, have food outside alone. I mean I wouldn't want to starve myself just because I couldn't find a partner to eat with right. So I suppose, I'm so used to being alone and do things all by myself.

When I was young (I mean like 4-5 years ago) I always view being lonely as... Something bad. I'm even guilty myself for finding lonely people weird and anti-social. But I suppose last year I found the benefits of doing things alone, and taking some time off to yourself. I'm not saying we should all be alone, don't go to an extent where you want NOBODY in life to accompany you and stuff. Like you want to be alone and you hate everyone else hahaha.

But if it makes you happy, go ahead :)

Anyway, so yeah, I must say I enjoy being alone (too much) that I found it such a huge drastic change when I come back. I am meeting people everyday, learning new things, and so on and forth. In a day, I don't really have time for myself. The only time I have for myself is that 2 hours before sleep where I'll be on my laptop surfing the net, and watching Youtube videos or reading articles on the net, and of course blogging and lately, I've been tumblr-ing too.

So a few people here asked me why I sleep so late everyday (PS: My day start 5 hours later than you all, and ends 5 hours later too), and my answer is that because I want, and I try to set myself some time off everyday for myself. And it doesn't really affect my sleep because well I think I can cope with it so yeah. It's not that I purposely use my sleeping time for my me-time. Although sure, I can choose to trade my me-time for sleeping time but nahh.

Even right now there's no such things as a "holiday" weekend for me. There are always things to do and so on. Maybe this is the real working life that we're all entering? The life so different from school life? I don't know. Unlike my life in Singapore where I can go anywhere I want, alone, and enjoy myself there. To Starbucks, Labrador Park, walking around Clementi, go for a long run and so on. Feels like I "own" my time here and there.

Now it seems like I can't control my time here because it is kind of unpredictable. And there are a lot of restrictions that I have to do the things I want to do. I suppose the culture here is different so people will think of a shock when I tell them that I want to be alone. Imagine if I tell my mum that I want to go to a nearby cafe alone. My mum surely would ask me "Why alone?" and she would ask my sister to go with me, or anyone else. Although to be honest mum, I'm really fine to be alone :)

I can't go to places alone here because it is kinda unsafe here (or maybe it's not). And again, I would get the questions from my parents to why I want to go there alone. That's why I want to learn driving ASAP so that I can drive and go to places alone. Have a nice cup of tea at that cafe to chill, or just drive around my hometown listening to music and so on.

Or maaaybe.

I need to change this mindset of mine that doing things alone is fine and so on and forth.

Well I don't know, but I think the issue really lies with me not having to balance and cope well with the life I have here. Currently I'm still learning so perhaps, life isn't at my fullest control now. Although I know when I grow up that I will keep this habit of mine alive, that I will set some time to be alone and do things that I love. If you haven't tried, maybe you should. It's an amazing experience and habit you can keep for life, and good for the soul too.

Although I know some people really can't stand to be alone.
And I think it's fine if you can't be alone.

Anyho, it's the weekend again. I'll be joining my sis to Jakarta till Sunday! Hoping for a nice trip away from my hometown to the big city. Man, I really need a getaway to somewhere far. And I kinda miss the beach you know, or simply to go somewhere far.

But well, to end this post, here's a line from MGMT's song "Time to Pretend"

I miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

Sunday 20 October 2013

Autumn

 I miss the colours of autumn

Currently listening to Nigel Tay's song "Song of Spring" (Thanks Jinnyboy TV for introducing this awesome song!) and it reminds me a lot of graduation which was like, 5 months ago. Still remember listening to this song on the way to SP for the ceremony and although it was a cloudy day, everything seems beautiful to me. Whew, it's 5 months huh.

Anyway it's mid-October already! Can you believe it. Life's been awesome I guess. Rather busy with work because we're getting more customers for the flowers and so yeah. Very interesting. When you work with living things you need patience because well, you can't make them as and when you want to be, you can't set a date to when they wanna be manufactured, and you can't stock them when you over-produce. They are not dead things.

But I suppose, they taught me a lesson that everyone in this world is unique. Right?

And as for the title above, it's not autumn... Well it is, in other parts of the world. It's October so well temperate countries are experiencing autumn I suppose. And I love autumn. I think it is my favourite season. Well I have experienced the four seasons like in other countries, each season for a country so it's kind of a biased judgement heh.

But I love autumn. I experienced autumn in China, Inner Mongolia to be exact. The weather is more on the cooler side but at the same time the colour of autumn makes everything seems warm. I've also experienced it in Beijing but it was more of late-autumn so it was really cold that it felt more like winter to me. Love the colours of autumn!

Autumn reminds me that we're 3/4 on our way to the year already. So we're left with 1/4 of the year more. Well actually it's like we're left with 1/6 of the year heh. But anyway yeah, 2013 is ending. And I don't know why but I really can't wait for this year to end? Although logically and technically speaking, I have no reason why I want it to end. Like it doesn't do anything to me except for bringing 2014 to me. Right?

I suppose I'm excited to see what lies ahead of me. 2013 has been a year of big change to me where I close a big chapter of mine and start writing a new one. So what will I do in 2014? How will I do? I don't know and no one knows. Although I have a big plan coming up in August next year. Hopefully it will come true. No. It will come true because I'm going to make it happen! :) It's for me to know and for you to find out nyehehe.

I've always loved the end of a year because I have the chance (although you can practically do it anytime actually) to look back to see what I've achieved in this year and so on. And from this I can carry myself to the year ahead and set goals and dreams about the coming year. Life goes on and we want to try and write a great story. To write a great story we have to close chapters we have already written and think of what to write next, beautifully.

It's kind of sad that these days I've lost track of time. To an extent that I don't know what day it is, or what date. I just realised today is the 20th of October when I thought the month has just started a week ago or something. Time seems to fly faster at the end of the year. Or is it just me haha. Time seems to fly when you grow older too. Meh.

But well as I've always remind myself, time flows at a constant rate. No one in this world has the ability to make time fly faster or slower, but yourself, by the things you do, to make it seem to flow faster or slower. Right?

Alright I'm going to stop here for now. Happy autumn everyone!

Monday 14 October 2013

Comfort in reminiscence

 
We're all seeds in the maker's hands

Youtube is being a bitch tonight, no idea why but I can't stream videos there (works fine for videos on Facebook though) so I decided to... Scroll down my blog and read all the posts back till December 2011. Wow, that was almost 2 years ago. Well I come to a conclusion that I'm really glad that I enjoyed blogging. Although yes I have not been blogging as often as I used to back a year or two ago. But I still enjoy blogging alright! So don't worry.

We're coming to the middle of October already and well, time flies! So I decided to read my blog starting form October last year to see what was I doing back 365 days ago. I was in ITP, and stuff. Reading my blog too, I realise that well in life you really don't know what's gonna come on your way and what will happen to you. What great things will happen to you and what no-so-great things will you come across with. Life's one great journey.

I've been missing the past for quite a few days. When I mean the past, that would be my life in Singapore as a student. But well I suppose it's just one of those days where your mind plays around with you and time. Ever since I got back home, things have been pretty different of course, from the life that I once had just a year ago. But time is time.

Tomorrow SP students will return back to school from their first semestral break. And well, of course I can safely say and ask them "School? What's that?!" Hahaha. But at the same time I realised that there's also no such thing as "holiday" for me. Or I must say for everyone else who has started working. Unless it's a leave or public holiday.

I think school is and will be the greatest time of your life. The times you hate but will miss when you grow up. So to all my friends who can't wait to work, don't fall into the trap. Enjoy school to the fullest now! Haha. Because trust me after you start working you'll miss school a lot.

I've failed quite badly in trying to finish the things I've been wanting to do. I have a couple of items on my to-do list yet none of them is done. Maybe I should start writing notes for myself.

Anyho, as I was reading my past blog posts again, I come across those blog challenges which I did a year ago. And I was thinking maybe that will be a great thing to do again, so as to revive my blog. I'll search for some blog challenge again and start reviving my blog! :)

Okay I think that's all for now. Feeling rather sleepy so night night! It's gonna be an awesome week ahead with Hari Raya Haji tomorrow weeeeee. To all my SP friends wishing you a great semester/term ahead! And for the rest, have fun at work!

Thursday 10 October 2013

Stars


Today there was an electricity shutdown in my hometown, and it was quite long too. Electricity shutdowns (or mati lampu, we call it here) are quite common. There might be some maintenance going on, or some boycotts done by some people and so on. And usually I don't bother much. I'll stay at home and do nothing to wait for the electricity to get back to life.

But tonight was different. The sky was clear and stars flooded the darkness. It was a pretty sight, because we're in total darkness and so the sky shows its true potential to us and it is really really pretty. So I decided to go up my room with my camera and tripod and start shooting some stars above. My sis accompanied me for a while then she went off to bathe.

So I was alone from then on. And it feels really nice. To sit under the star-lit sky with music playing from your phone. The wind blowing, and you see a couple of shooting stars (and you should know what I do next) and yup, it was just so surreal that everything in front of me is so beautiful and real. I mean how could it be fake haha.

After shooting for a while, the electricity is back to life and the lights turn on like a big bang.

And some of the stars began to disappear.

From this experience, I learned quite a valuable lesson in life.

When it was dark, the stars are there to accompany you. But when lights are on, they begin to disappear,. But you know they're always there. I suppose life's like that too. When things seem fine, we tend to neglect what's always there, who's always there. It is only when things go dark that we realise what we truly have in this world, who we truly have.

When we have things we want (lights), we tend to forget what's always there for us (the stars). When we don't have what we want, we realise the stars are there accompanying us, and they make us happy with their beauty and so on.

And I suppose stars are like hopes too. When things are dark, they will always be there to guide you. There's always a hope in every darkest situation you're in.

Tonight was such a beautiful night.

Monday 7 October 2013

The twenties

 You're off to great places

Hello hello and hello! I know sorry for not blogging on Saturday, the night I would usually leave aside for blogging. But well I decided to blog today. October's moving pretty fine I guess, moving on to the tenth month of the year, slowly and surely. And soon we'll say goodbye to 2013. Then we'll be amazed on how quickly time has passed us by.

Talking about time, I just went to Ko Harry's wedding last night. Well he's someone who works with my brother. And I suppose I came to a realisation that... You know you're growing up when you start attending weddings of people who you know well, or you're close with. Like your family, friends, colleagues and so on and forth. Not "strangers".

You know when you were young your parent would ask you to accompany them to weddings. And when you ask whose wedding? They'll say their name, their relationship to your family and so on. But you'll still end up with a question mark inside your head. Unless of course if this person is related closely to your family like aunts or uncles or so on.

But now that you grow up, you will attend weddings of people that you clearly know so yes.

Recently I've been seeing lots of people sharing blog posts about being in the twenties and growing up etc, be it people's blogs or even posts in buzzfeed. I enjoy reading them not only because I'm in my early twenties, but also I think that it applies to most of us in life. Like you don't have to be in the twenties to apply what's written on the post heh.

Reading these posts have really got me into thinking about my existence too. About my age, and the age of my friends, and other fellow people who are in their twenties. What is the significance of being in the twenties. What's so special, and so on. The twenties, sadly saying, to me, is one of the toughest years of your life. For various reasons.

To me the twenties, like I said once before on my birthday post, is the year where we're in the middle of choosing between the things we have to do, and the things we want to do. And in some cases, the things we promise to do. When reality gave us a call and like tell us "hello time to wake up from dreaming, I'm here waiting for you to be seen"

It's going to be the year you left the school, or academia as I would like to call it, and enter the school of life. The real life, not those you seen on TVs that shape the way you think about what life is. It's different, sad to say (ha ha). And when you step into it, you'll be shocked, amazed and puzzled by this "real life" that you start to go in denial. Just kidding, I'm just being dramatic.

But yeah, you seem to can't accept life as the way it is.

Perhaps you will start to pile up regrets after regrets in your head. You'll blame yourself, you'll blame others to make it better. But no it won't. Whatever happened, has happened. There's no way you can turn back time to rectify whatever you want to rectify and so on. You can only make do with what you have now, and work well to get what you want.

I saw this on TV a few days ago. Like the rice has turned into a porridge, so what do you do now? Eat the porridge! Don't waste the porridge away. Hahaha

Of course this doesn't apply to everyone. I know some individuals who know what they want to do, choose the path they want to be and at the end of the day, ended up at the destination they want to be in. And good for them!

The twenties may seem daunting but I suppose at the same time, it is the years where we explore. We'll go to places we never been before, try new things, do things we hate, enjoy things we love and so on. Perhaps the years we find our love and soulmate and then settle down and so on an forth. I suppose it is daunting at the beginning. But sweet in the end.

And remember, only us, can make it a sweet ending.

Alright, that's all for tonight. I just want to share my feelings with you and I hope you enjoy reading the post above. Here's to a fanta-bulous second week of October for everyone! You're off to great places, you're off and away!

Tuesday 1 October 2013

Hello October

 Það Besta Sem Guð Hefur Skapað Er Nýr Dagur 
-The best thing god has created is a new day-
Sigur Ros, Viðrar vel til loftárása

Okay there was a short earthquake JUST now, jolted my bed for a good 2 seconds and I'm awake now. Was really going to sleep so might as well blog now! Heh heh. Anyho yes can't believe it's October now! We're only left with 3 more months to go through and we're done with 2013, forever. I thought it was yesterday when 2013 begins!

Well it's another month of the year, closer to the end. Hmm comparing to last year's October, I suppose this time round October will be so different, duh, I'm back home already haha. I hope it's going to be a great month ahead. I know it will, and only I can make it a great month ahead. I don't know why but I'm looking forward to year-end heh.

My grandpa's piano is back, as seen from the previous post! I was playing my heart out on Sunday haha. It's so exciting to finally own a piano and be able to play it! Although sadly everything is brought down by half a step because if it's tuned to the original tuning the strings will snap as told by the repairman. So C becomes B and B becomes Bb and so on.

I am so going to be a good transposer after playing the piano for a while haha.

I'll try to play the piano as much as I can, when I can. Although currently the piano is placed at my brother's house. We're planning to make a small room beside my room where we'll put the piano at, so that I can play it easily. Trying to find ways for cheap soundproofing haha I think I can make it. Thinking of using the foams or the egg cartons.

Well September has come to an end so I hope for October to welcome a great smoother ride ahead. Perhaps this will be the month where change is going to take place, for the better. So yup. Only I can make this month an awesome one! :)

Alright that's all for today. Feeling sleepy now so... Good night! Or morning