Alone

Hello. Whew today seems like a very very busy day, although actually nothing much happened. I just felt like I was rushed through time towards the end, and that I had so little time but well actually I do have time. Somehow everything seems really fast and yeah, rushed and so on. Felt really busy somehow! But well I'm glad it's over. And that the weekend is here!

Talking about fast, today marks the 5th month since I'm back here. Can't believe it's been a good five months! I thought graduation was a month ago or something. But well I suppose I've been pretty pre-occupied with (new) things that time seems to flow at an unnoticeable rate which makes me forget about time. And oh gosh it's 6 more days to November.

The past few days I've been missing my life in Singapore. My friends, the things I used to do, the people, and the places. And it seems rather enriching too to know that I've lived my life there and so on. Sense of pride, happiness and sadness all mixed up whenever I'm reminiscing about my life on that sunny island. But I suppose it's all for a good note.

Of course life here, and there are two very different conditions. In many different ways. But I suppose, there's a major difference that I had noticed about my life here. In fact for the past 5 months I feel that there's something missing, something different in life. I've been searching and searching for that missing piece but I can't seem to find it. And today, I did.

It's the time spent being alone. 

I recently came across a thoughtcatalog post on "How to handle a quarter life crisis at 22" [link can be found here] and also a few other blog posts regarding the same issue (about living your twenties) and they have a common point about taking time for yourself. Setting time for a me-time, for yourself to do things that make you happy.

And I truly agree with it. It's been a habit for me now, ever since I went for LEAP Foundation camp which I learnt to take some time off for yourself, to take some time everyday to do things I love, if possible alone. Be it watching Youtube videos, or simply listening to good music on my headphone (even before I sleep!) and so on and forth.

I spent most of 2012, or more like my last academic year in Singapore, alone. Of course I have my friends, I mean... I stayed in Singapore without the company of my sister. So I tried to find ways to make me happy and do things I enjoy alone. Or most of the time, I have to be independent, for I'm living alone. So I did grocery shopping alone, have food outside alone. I mean I wouldn't want to starve myself just because I couldn't find a partner to eat with right. So I suppose, I'm so used to being alone and do things all by myself.

When I was young (I mean like 4-5 years ago) I always view being lonely as... Something bad. I'm even guilty myself for finding lonely people weird and anti-social. But I suppose last year I found the benefits of doing things alone, and taking some time off to yourself. I'm not saying we should all be alone, don't go to an extent where you want NOBODY in life to accompany you and stuff. Like you want to be alone and you hate everyone else hahaha.

But if it makes you happy, go ahead :)

Anyway, so yeah, I must say I enjoy being alone (too much) that I found it such a huge drastic change when I come back. I am meeting people everyday, learning new things, and so on and forth. In a day, I don't really have time for myself. The only time I have for myself is that 2 hours before sleep where I'll be on my laptop surfing the net, and watching Youtube videos or reading articles on the net, and of course blogging and lately, I've been tumblr-ing too.

So a few people here asked me why I sleep so late everyday (PS: My day start 5 hours later than you all, and ends 5 hours later too), and my answer is that because I want, and I try to set myself some time off everyday for myself. And it doesn't really affect my sleep because well I think I can cope with it so yeah. It's not that I purposely use my sleeping time for my me-time. Although sure, I can choose to trade my me-time for sleeping time but nahh.

Even right now there's no such things as a "holiday" weekend for me. There are always things to do and so on. Maybe this is the real working life that we're all entering? The life so different from school life? I don't know. Unlike my life in Singapore where I can go anywhere I want, alone, and enjoy myself there. To Starbucks, Labrador Park, walking around Clementi, go for a long run and so on. Feels like I "own" my time here and there.

Now it seems like I can't control my time here because it is kind of unpredictable. And there are a lot of restrictions that I have to do the things I want to do. I suppose the culture here is different so people will think of a shock when I tell them that I want to be alone. Imagine if I tell my mum that I want to go to a nearby cafe alone. My mum surely would ask me "Why alone?" and she would ask my sister to go with me, or anyone else. Although to be honest mum, I'm really fine to be alone :)

I can't go to places alone here because it is kinda unsafe here (or maybe it's not). And again, I would get the questions from my parents to why I want to go there alone. That's why I want to learn driving ASAP so that I can drive and go to places alone. Have a nice cup of tea at that cafe to chill, or just drive around my hometown listening to music and so on.

Or maaaybe.

I need to change this mindset of mine that doing things alone is fine and so on and forth.

Well I don't know, but I think the issue really lies with me not having to balance and cope well with the life I have here. Currently I'm still learning so perhaps, life isn't at my fullest control now. Although I know when I grow up that I will keep this habit of mine alive, that I will set some time to be alone and do things that I love. If you haven't tried, maybe you should. It's an amazing experience and habit you can keep for life, and good for the soul too.

Although I know some people really can't stand to be alone.
And I think it's fine if you can't be alone.

Anyho, it's the weekend again. I'll be joining my sis to Jakarta till Sunday! Hoping for a nice trip away from my hometown to the big city. Man, I really need a getaway to somewhere far. And I kinda miss the beach you know, or simply to go somewhere far.

But well, to end this post, here's a line from MGMT's song "Time to Pretend"

I miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.