7 seconds

I chanced upon this song from the 90s yesterday. It is a beautiful song. At first I love this song because of the nice melody and chords. Until I realised that there's an English lyric in the middle, and French too. And then I chanced upon the lyric of the song that sent shivers down my spine. The lyric stayed with me throughout the day. It's that powerful heh.

The first lyric that sent shivers down my spine is this:
"When a child is born into this world, it has no concept of the tone of skin its living in"

The second lyric that also sent shivers down my spine and got stuck in my mind is:
"There's a million of voices, to tell you how she should be thinking"

The second lyric, especially, is something that got me thinking throughout the day. I kept on thinking on how true the second line is. To all of us, here in this world.

Although I think the song is referring to violence and racial prejudice that we're facing in this world (from the line "concept of the tone of skin" I suppose), I think the second lyric really shows another problem we are all facing, that is judgements that we get from society. Be it because of our race, sexual orientation, economics, education etc.

So after researching what does the writer of this song mean by "7 seconds", I came across an article regarding the song, and it is stated that the 7 seconds refer to the first moments of a child's life, as the female singer of the song, Cherry Neneh, puts it "not knowing about the problems and violence in our world". Oh you yes you can read the article here.

And I think it is very true. You know they say that we all cry as we are born into this world because we already know how tough life is going to be, and how much problems this world has. And in fact if we don't cry, it signifies that there might be something wrong with us, i.e: our throat is blocked with mucus, water etc. So yes, all of us cry as we're born into this world.

Today I thought to myself, that how much pure all of us were as we're brought into this world by our mothers. How much of a "human" we all are as we enter this life. And then as we move along life, as we grow up, there is indeed a million voices that (kinda) tell our parents how we should be thinking. Not only thinking but behaving, doing, achieving etc.

When we're born, we're really really the pure essence of a human. A living being, with an empty mind that is not shaped and defined by anything. The only thing that would be defined to us is the thing that enter our body like the food, medicine, supplements etc. As we grow into infants, and then young children, our mind begins to be shaped. By the teachings and guidance of our parents, to become young man, and well to survive in this world.

As we grow into young adults, thank to the things we learned in school, at home and in this world basically, we begin to form our own minds, and we learn how to shape our own mind. For example, things we thought were true and correct when we were young, may seem wrong now, and vice versa. And all of these is helped by the heart I suppose.

Sadly, sometimes I feel that we're a product of what society thinks we should do, what our parents expect of us, what the world think we should be come. Rarely, we become who we think we should all be. Yes, I am one of them too.

As we all grow up, well there is indeed a million voices, telling not only our parents but ourselves too, about the way we should be thinking. We're often hearing voices of other people, of society, and of the world to how we should all behave. When we do something out of the norm, we feel really different and weird, that we decided to follow the bandwagon and just be "normal". When we want to become someone, we decided not to because this "someone" is not a famous person in this society. So well think again, who are we really trying to become?

I feel that we live in a world that makes being who we truly are, as an act of crime. Not because it is truly a crime, but because of these million voices that feed the ears and minds of the world, that sets a "standard" to how and what someone should truly be. And it is very very saddening whenever I think of it. It feels like we can never be who we truly are, because of these voices.

Where is the essence of being human that we once carried into this world as we are born into it? That essence, the innocence that could have allowed us to be the brightest and greatest human? If not for all of these voices we hear, we can truly be what we can be.

Let me as you a question, when was the last time you did something, you decided on something, with all your heart only? When was the last time you did something out of your own will? When was the last time you decided to do something straight away, without ever counseling your parents, teachers, co-workers and friends? When was the last time you did something without giving a care of what society and the world will think of you?

I've always thought how wonderful life will be, if becoming who we want to be is as easy as breathing the morning air. Everyone around us, becoming who they want to be, doing what they love. But of course, life would not be all wonderful too. Where's that challenge, that resilience that would arise from us as we fight to become who we want to be. The fight for freedom, the freedom from these million voices that tell us who we should be!

In the recent light of white vs pink battle in Singapore for example. I truly and fully support Pink Dot. Because I support the freedom to love anyone and everyone regardless of their sexuality, race and religion. I don't understand how Pink Dot is endangering family values in Singapore. It's not like as if Pink Dot is an event that encourages everyone to be homosexuals. It is not an event where straight people who go there will turn gay or something.

Why would you force your beliefs and views on other people's lives? I don't get it. If it's a sin to your religion to be homosexuals, then so be it. But that doesn't mean other people who are not of your religion can't be homosexuals. How would you feel if I ask you to be homosexual even though you're as straight as two parallel lines. You won't like it right? That's how homosexuals think when they are told that they cannot be gay.

And if you think being homosexual is not the right way because males and females should be together to ensure a continuity in the species, do remember that there are billions of people who are straight and that homosexuality has existed for a long long time in the animal kingdom. People don't choose to be gay. It's something they carry into this world. Unless you know you're gay but you hide it for so long and then come out as "I choose to be gay".

This world has too much voices that tell how the world how and who it should become. It's just so damn sad really. Although of course, it is too late now because somehow, somewhat, our minds have already been shaped by some voices through our lives. But it is never too late to begin shaping our minds, for the rest of our lives.

I take it that our minds are like a piece of clay. When we're young this piece of clay is shaped like an oval. And then it is shaped into various different forms as we are growing up. When we become adults, we learn how to shape it on our own. And life, is how we let the world and ourselves shape this beautiful piece of clay into the most exquisite and beautiful shape someone, only you, can create for yourself. And the key is to balance everything.

Anyway, June is finally over. It's been a rough month that I'm so glad is over. Somehow for the past three years, my June has been a rough month. I hope I can break this chain, well only I can break it anyway. Goodbye June! You've been a great teacher. Now the bright days of July are waiting for me. Alright that's all for now. I hope you enjoy reading this post. Hello July! :)

Selamat beribadah puasa!

 When I tell you you're alright,

there's nothing wrong with your eyes

- Sin Fang-

Today is officially the first day of Ramadhan! So here's me wishing all Muslims a smooth-sailing month of fasting ahead :) Time flies by pretty fast, like well it's been almost a year since I last heard the call for Sahur at three in the morning. And then the sound of alarm used by the mosque here to call for buka. I miss these sounds. I'm not a Muslim but Ramadhan has got to be one of my favourite times of the year. I just love the atmosphere really.

And also today... I am officially back in business! Mwahaha. Well the flowers have began to bloom, like all of them. So I'm glad that they did. Because two weeks ago I told my customers that it'll take about 2 weeks for them to bloom. And last week when I saw the flowers again, I thought one week wouldn't be enough for them to fully bloom. I was feeling skeptical and nervous but hey, they indeed bloom so yay! Thank you for blooming in time.

I was on the verge to buy speakers and play classical music for the flowers heh.

It's the second last day of June, and also the 180th day of the year. Time flies indeed! Feels like the year has just barely started and here we are now eh.

Okay I'm just going to make it a quick post. Before I end let me share the great music of June!

Great music of June:
- Stay Gold by First Aid Kit
- Master Pretender by First Aid Kit
- Shattered and Hollow by First Aid Kit
- Your Song (Ellie Goulding version)
- Balance by Future Islands
- Nouse Lauluni by Rajaton
- What's Wrong With Your Eyes by Sin Fang

First Aid Kit just released their latest album in June, and I love it! Although their new album sounds kind of "sadder" than their previous one (The Lion's Roar). First Aid Kit is a folk/country female duo from Sweden. I discovered them from Jango, by their song "Emmylou". I fell in love with their voices and yup, I fell in love with them since a year ago. My favourite song from their new album is Stay Gold. I think the song kinda speaks about how I'm feeling these days.

I discovered Ellie Goulding's version of Your Song via Jango too! I've always know Elton John's version and her version is really lovely too. I love her voice! And I think her voice really matches the song, it's gonna be an awesome pre-wedding song or something. So sweet and lovely. Well Ellie Goulding is another of those artists I discovered late. I know her song "Lights" but yeah, didn't get to explore the rest of her songs. My bad habit heh.

Balance by Future Islands is a song I discovered from a Nokia Lumia advertisement haha. I've only known one of Future Islands song which is Seasons, love that song and I knew it was Future Islands who sang that song used in the advertisement. After a few lyric search I finally found the title and it is indeed Future Islands! How awesome :D

Nouse Lauluni is an acapella song by an acapella group called Rajaton from Finland! I chanced upon their song in a video from Youtube and wow I couldn't believe that the song is sang purely by human voices! So damn cool really. It's rather a challenging song to sing together too. They're really talented, I wish I can see them live heh.

Last but not least, What's Wrong With Your Eyes is a great song by Sin Fang. I know Sin Fang, but I didn't really listen to his songs. Now I discovered how awesome his songs are! Sadly I haven't gotten the luck to get his CDs in Singapore, let alone Jakarta. I love how happy and mellow this song is. And the rest of his album is as superb too :)

Alright that's all for the great music of June. May July bring more great music! :D Here's to an awesome beginning of July, and of course a great week ahead :)

Suffering

I came across the Buddhist saying of "Life is a suffering" when I was young. I think it was in primary school when I read the book "Siddharta", which now I feel really amazed that I actually chose that book to read at such a young age, which I definitely didn't understand! Hahaha. I remember my P4 form teacher telling me that the book was "too heavy" for me and that I should read other children books. But I ignored her and reading it "blindly" anyway.

So the phrase is etched in my mind ever since I'm small. That life is a suffering. When I was young I took that phrase in a negative way. So for example when I went through some difficult and annoying times I would tell myself "Oh well life is a suffering". When I was in secondary school, I took it in a more negative way by blaming life when things turn shitty, so I would really just blame life and myself by telling myself how much of a suffering life is.

When I was in polytechnic, I find out the three principles of existence of Buddhism and my definition of life being a suffering changed. I feel that life is a suffering because of our ego, because one of the principles is egolessness (Anattaa) which I like to call "there's no I in me". Because of our ego, our lives are made more difficult and yeah, life is a suffering.

I also feel that attachment is a cause to our sufferings. That we should not attach ourselves to anything because nothing is permanent here. If we overly attach ourselves to things, it becomes the root of our unhappiness. So the main thing is not to overly attach ourselves to things I suppose. Not that we shouldn't attach ourselves to anything haha.

But then I was reading The Tibetan Book of The Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche and my idea of life is a suffering is changed. So there's a term in Buddhism called Samsara, which means the cycle of death and rebirth. And from the book, I learned that one doesn't have to live and die, in a lifetime, to experience life and death. In fact, we can face death everyday. The fact that nothing is permanent can depict death too. So yeah we don't have to wait till we die to experience death. Death is in fact everywhere around us.

The goal of a Buddhist is to attain nirvana, and that is the freedom from Samsara. To break this cycle and be free, no longer being rebirth into another life, no longer dying. And like I said, well we don't have to live and die to experience death, so everything that happen in life can be depicted in the Samsara I suppose. How we can break this cycle in our daily lives.

Let me give an example. Lets take a classic and common example of anger. When we're angry about something, we feel really pissed, annoyed and our heart is literally a mess. And we actually have the choice, to let go of our anger, and to keep on holding on to it. So this can be a cycle. Being angry > holding on to our anger > be more angry > life becomes horrible.

Or, we can also break away from it. Being angry > letting go of our anger > life is awesome mwahaha. It's often difficult to let go of our anger, but it's not impossible.

Okay lets say someone made you pissed. You can always hold on to your anger, no one says you can't. But does that change everything? No. You can also let go of your anger. Sure it doesn't allow you to turn back time, for that someone to undo his/her doing to make you angry. But at least you have prevented something from damaging your body and mind. The Buddha says that holding on to anger is like throwing a hot coal to someone. Before you throw it, you already hurt your hands.

So yes the main goal is to break away from this cycle that makes your suffer. To break away from this Samsara we all create in our minds.

I really enjoy reading the book. I've learned a lot about life in so many ways. And well the book really made me understand life more. I am so glad that I found this book at this age, because the things that I learned in the book is really a precious gem that I will carry on throughout my life. Highly recommended to everyone if you're interested to read the book!

Anyway can't believe that we're two days away from the start of the fasting month of Ramadhan. It's like so fast! Feels like the previous Ramadhan was yesterday. Oh well, time is indeed flying. Wishing all Muslims a smooth-sailing Ramadhan ahead :) Okay gonna stop writing here. Talk to you soon.

Those days

 

 I wish I can unwind

Ever since I left Singapore, it feels like I have literally left behind a life that I've been living for the past 11 years. It is pretty obvious, by the things that I no longer do now, but I often did when I was still in Singapore. Obviously the fact that I am now living in an entirely new country, a lot of things are very different. But well simple things like... Watching TV, is no longer something that I do often here. In fact I rarely watch TV here. Not once a week even.

So yesterday, I had the privilege and the time to watch TV, non-stop for one and a half hours. Well I just had dinner and then I went to my sister's room (cause she was out) and switched on the TV. I was just switching channels to see if there are any interesting movies. So I was watching "You, Me and Dupree" and a new movie I came across with "Evidence" which has an awesome plot but a hanging ending which I don't really enjoy heh.

And then I landed myself in Channel News Asia... And a rush of memories just hit me. It truly reminds me back to my days back in Singapore. CNA was a favourite channel of mine because it's a channel that keeps me updated with the local and global news. During ITP, I would just switch on CNA first when I got home and watch the programmes there and also I would stare at the crawling news below just to get the latest information and happenings.

And I also enjoy CNA's documentary and non-news related shows which are always interesting. Not to forget, the awesome music which the played after 2:50 AM and above when they go off-air to accompany me to sleep. And till now I am still very very curious to know what songs they play for the off-air programmes. I'm just so intrigued argghh.

Watching TV was definitely my favourite activity when I was still in Singapore (guilty). I enjoy cable TV in the comfort of my room without having to battle it out with my room mates and guardian or something haha. From movies, to news, music and knowledge (in terms of documentaries), TV was a source of entertainment for me. You can say that I spent 60% on TV for entertainment and 38% on internet and 2% on others. I know it's a bad percentage.

But here... Everything is different. Although yes I do have a TV in my room too, but I shared the decorder with my sister and it's located in her room. And also my TV is always wonky at times as it would switch off on its own. Last but not least, I just simply don't have the time. Before I go to sleep, my laptop is my source of entertainment. From Youtube to Facebook and blogging and this and that. Then I would just switch off my laptop and go to sleep.

So as I was watching TV yesterday, I realised how long it has been since I actually have the time and privilege to sit down and enjoy watching TV. It's been so long, that I feel I have forgotten how wonderful it is to do it. Life is just so busy and really "happening" that things like watching TV are no longer part of my day, unlike those days in Singapore.

I wish I can change my lifestyle here. Maybe I should stop using my laptop and start watching TV instead. Or maybe I should go back to books.

Well I'm just really missing everything about my life in Singapore. Where life seems so much simpler, although ironically back then I really feel it was a huge battle. I get to enjoy life and I get to try and balance it off. Here, it feels kinda difficult to balance things out. Well when I get to live in my own house one day, I'll make all the changes I want to. I'm a pretty weird person I must say, with a uniquely different mindset like everyone else around me now.

I miss Singapore and everything there. It's just one of those days I suppose.

Mainstream

Right, if I was talking about band music last night, tonight I wanna talk about something which has been kind of bugging my mind for quite some time. Like for a few years heh. It's about mainstream vs non-mainstream music, as people would say it. First of all please do understand that these are just my thoughts so don't go overly defensive about it okay! :)



So last night Coldplay just released their official music video for A Sky Full of Stars (lets shorten it to ASFOS) which was filmed in Sydney. I'm so so jealous of all of these people in the video! I think they're very lucky and I wish I can be part of the video too. And well I was expecting the video to be filmed in like New Zealand below the starry night sky with lots of stars and milky-ways. But nevertheless this video is superb too with so much positive energy and happiness! So kudos to Coldplay and Mat Whitecross for the awesome MV.

And then I was scrolling down the comment section when I read comments like:

"This is not the Coldplay I know of"
"Coldplay has gone mainstream, this is bad music"
"Coldplay with EDM? Horrible!"
"I'm not going to listen to Coldplay anymore"

The last comment really made me raise my eyebrows like whaaaat. I mean seriously though, what's with all these comments on their video. If you don't like it, why are you there in the first place right? So yeah tonight I'm gonna discuss about all these mainstream vs non-mainstream issue we all know of in the music industry. And my thoughts regarding this.

First of all lets clarify the idea of mainstream. What do we mean by mainstream music? Is it a piece of music that is played at least 10 times everyday on the radio? Or maybe a song that 8 in 10 people have in their phones/MP3 players? And what do we mean by non-mainstream music? The opposite of what's mentioned above or something?

Okay although yes, I myself is guilty too because last time I told my friends that I don't like listening to "mainstream" music and that I listen to mostly non-mainstream ones. Well it's true because I am very sure I can count the number of friends who have the similar songs on my iPod with the number of fingers on my left hand. If you know what I mean.

And what do you mean by "_____ has gone mainstream"? You mean... That bands are not allowed to be famous? That they should just remain like what they begin with, like no listeners, no fans and this and that forever? Oh sure, please tell me if there's any band who tell their fans (and the public) "please don't tell people about us! Just keep it to yourself, we don't want to get known. We are just writing songs just for YOU!". If you can, I'll give you a cookie.

Thirdly, since when do our favourite bands write and compose songs especially for us only? Like oh they write music that you don't like, or they're heading towards a new direction and you hate them because they write something that you do not like? Wow I didn't know you pay them for their hardwork, their food, their creativity and their freedom.

Lastly, if you do not want to listen to them, then... Just don't listen to them.

Now lets clear things up a bit. I always have a question to all these people: do the number of people listening to a song decreases the quality of the song? I am pretty sure the answer is a straight no. So I don't get why people get annoyed when a song becomes mainstream, or more like when a non-mainstream song becomes mainstream. I listen to Sigur Ros, and when I heard Hoppipolla being used in an advertisement here, I feel so proud of them! I don't feel like "OMG they used Hoppipolla, they're going mainstream! Crap!"

Secondly, I think the whole "mainstream" issue is pretty ambiguous too. Like what do you mean by they sound mainstream? If they sound mainstream, but people like them, then I see no problem at all. Because at the end of the day we are the one that interpret the beauty of each music. So I see no problem if a piece of good music becomes mainstream because I still feel and see the beauty in the music no matter how many people are listening to it now.

And then comes the issue with bands changing their direction of musical style. Like I said, we are not the ones who instruct our favourite artists to write songs that cater to our ears. Every artist has the freedom to write, compose and do whatever music they want! Okay maybe sure we can feel disappointed if we love a rock artist who suddenly plays country for a new album entirely. And I'm pretty sure that won't happen to any artist heh.

For example, I love Lana Del Rey. I truly love and enjoy her first LP "Born To Die" and I was really looking forward to her new album Ultraviolence. When West Coast was released, I was more excited because it sounds really good. But hmm honestly speaking I prefer Born To Die than Ultraviolence, and I totally respect Lana's decision to why she wants to create Ultraviolence. I am not going to blame Lana for like creating an album that I enjoy lesser than her previous one.

Okay at the end of the day, to sum things up:

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and preference when it comes to music. But do remember that your favourite artists are also entitled and they have the freedom to create what they want to create as a musician, as an artist.

So please don't go hating your artist and blaming them just because they write something your ears do not like. I think if you're a true fan, you would respect their decision and you won't blame them whatsoever for these things that you do not like. And also, don't go hating on them because a lot of people have known them now. You should feel happy! That they've made it big in the music industry. And if they stay true to their musicality, they will always be true musicians to you, that's "unaltered" (if you would like to say it) by this mainstream-ism.

There's a joke that I read on the internet about this year's Laneway in Singapore, on a satirical website. Like how this "person" decided to stop listening to his favourite bands because so many people attended their concert (in Laneway) when they're not supposed to be mainstream. Of course it's a joke. Like how I made the same joke to my friend when I went to Laneway last year haha.

Yes I am guilty too that last time I used to make fun of "mainstream" and "non-mainstream" music. I used to say how SOME mainstream music are really bad. I mean really though, some of them have lyrics that have no depth, poor melody and so on. But some mainstream music are really awesome. So in the end, I learned that the quality of the music is not based on whether they are mainstream or not. It's all really purely based on the music! Right?

Okay I feel better blogging this heh. Because well I think the band shouldn't take the blame if some of their fans don't like what their ears are listening to. Because I believe that the band has every freedom to write songs that they want to write.

Just like how we have every freedom to listen to what we want to listen

Band music

Alright I think this is the first time I blogging about this, but well cause tonight I am feeling really sentimental about band music, I'm going to share with you my favourite band music! Well I've been a band member (we call it bandit heh) for like 7 years when I was in Singapore. And I've grown to know songs from easy ones, to difficult ones, from okay ones, to beautiful ones and so on. I am very thankful and glad that I decided to join band in SP again, because SPSB was the "place" where I got to play some of my favourite and some of the most beautiful band music ever.

I'm not a music expert, and not an analytical one. Anyway I didn't study music, so I don't know what actually makes a music beautiful. But I suppose that's the beauty of it, that we actually interpret the beauty of each music. Just like how some of us like classical music while others think it's boring, and how some of us like rap music while I get headaches listening to it heh. So yup it's really up to us to interpret and enjoy the beauty of each music.

Right moving on! Here are some of my favourite band music.



The first song is First Suite in Eb by Gustav Holst. I first came across with this song when I was in secondary school. I forgot which concert it was but they played this song and I was really blown away by it. The second movement of this song (Chaconne) is so beautiful that it left me with an impact up till today whenever I am listening to this song. I really love how each movement is so uniquely beautiful on their own. And when the song comes together, it's just wonderful. And I'm truly glad that I get to try playing this song in SPSB back in 2010 I think, we were trying different pieces but we didn't choose this in the end but no worries, so happy I got to play it!



The second song is Variations On A Korean Folk Song by John Barnes Chance. This is based on the famous Korean folk song "Arirang" and in my opinion, one of the most beautiful band music ever composed. SPSB played this song back in 2011 for our IBM under the baton of Mr Leonard Tan and it's one concert I will never forget. When I first saw the score of this song I went "Wow okay" cause there's quite a few tricky rhythms. But as Mr Tan went through with us the different parts of the songs, and dissect it, the song is really a well-written one.

My favourite "variations" are the third, fourth and last one. I think John Barnes Chance is such a wonderful and talented composer who can create beautiful variations based on one folk song. This song inspires me to compose a variation to a folk song of my region too. But yes coming soon one day haha. Hopefully I get to do this one day!



The third song is Armenian Dances Part 1 by Alfred Reed. Among the band composers that I have come across with, Alfred Reed is one of my favourite composers. His songs are really beautiful (although yes it's quite challenging too) and they always stay in my heart. I came across Armenian Dances when I was still in secondary school, browsing Japanese band performances. And then in secondary 4 my sister's friend sent me a recording of this song and wow can't stop listening to it haha. I love all the movements of this song. And they sound so happy and joyful and grandeur.



Last but not least, and the latest beautiful band music I discovered is this. Variations on A Hymn by Louis Bourgeois by Claude Thomas Smith. I discovered this song from a video of a concert by Seika Girls High School in Japan which sadly is taken off Youtube now. When I first listened to this song I was really awed by how difficult this song sounds and how beautiful each variation is too. Especially the trumpet solo in the middle is so good. And the variation after that sounds like an organ playing in a church. Beautiful isn't it! I wish I could try playing this song.

Right these are, in my opinion, the most beautiful band musics ever composed. I am very happy that I got the chance to play some of these songs in my lifetime haha. Well obviously I have a long list of more beautiful band music that I love. To name a few more: Jericho by Bert Appermont, Noah's Ark by Bert Appermont, "Island Sun" Folk Tune of Okinawa by Takeyuki Nagano, Kaze no Mai by Yoshuke Fukuda, and more and more. Oh yes I think Japanese band composers are wonderfully talented too. The set pieces for the All Japan Band Competitions are so interesting!

Alright I'm going to stop here. I really miss band and I hope I get the chance to play in a band again. Although the chance is really low but well, I'm holding on to my hope and wish that I will sit with my friends again and play my clarinet together. Being in a band is definitely one of the highlights of my life. To play music together with a group of people who want to make beautiful music like you too is really a blessing, a bliss and a gift really.

Enjoy music, it's a privilege to be able to enjoy it with all your heart.

Samsara

I've been wanting to blog since like a few days back but it never happened, so I'm pretty sad heh. But anyway yup it's been an alright days the past week! Not so good in business wise cause we literally ran out of flowers. Like seriously. No more flowers. Well it's a long story but it goes down to a mistake we did back three months ago. Welcome to the flower business. What you do now will be resulted three months later. Good or bad, be ready to take it.

I was feeling rather stressed last week cause I had to explain this to my customers. And I feel really really guilty because well, this could be prevented but well I suppose we just miscalculated the timing, and hence we landed in the wrong timing. Well I don't know, I am feeling annoyed by myself because when this happens I begin to like blame on me, like I could have done this and that. But alas, getting angry over this won't make flowers magically appear tomorrow.

So well this is a great lesson we learned I suppose. And if this did not happen, I think we will continue doing the mistake over and over again. Blessing in disguise, unopened gifts of life which well I open now. A lesson I learned although, painfully.

I'm currently reading "The Tibetan Book of The Living and Dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche and I am really hooked to that book. The first few pages of the book already enlightened me. So I'm pretty eager to find out the rest. I love books like this because it taught me about life and it's really interesting. So far the greatest lesson I've learned from the book is that I should remind myself to stop trapping myself in Samsara. The ocean that makes our life difficult, created by us.

Anxiety, jealousy, anger, hatred and so on, they make samsara. So I'm learning to let things go, what cannot be changed, and what I can't control of. I am learning to free myself.

Life is really easy, but we insist of making it complicated!
Confucius was right all along by saying that.

On being vegan (twice a month)

 Presenting my latest vegan creation

Spaghetti with Chinese spinach and capers

with a squirt of lemon

Today is the 15th of the lunar month once again, which means it's another vegan day for me! Yup in case you don't know I have been going vegan twice a month since umm February I think. I did this last year but I stopped halfway, and well this year I decided to continue again and so far it's going great. Haven't broken this cycle yet. I am going to continue this cycle until I grow old. Believe it or not I am planning to be a vegan when I'm older.

Although last year I stopped doing this because I feel I was being a hassle to my family, for being the only vegan (for the day) while everyone else is not. Well this is because it means that we need to cook a special meal for me, or sometimes my mum bought a lot of food already that with one less person eating, there might be food wastage. And well also because... I was too lazy to cook my own meal, if this is done I wouldn't need to trouble the rest!

So that's what I'm doing now. I cook my own dish for dinner and my mum doesn't have to worry about me. And also I would remind my mum that I'm going vegan tomorrow so that she will buy less food. And I'm ever thankful and grateful for my grandma and aunts who send me vegetarian food every vegan day. And they make me feel like I can go vegan all my life from now with the food they cooked! Haha. So thank you grandma and aunts :)

But you see the weird thing is that... If you ask me why I'm doing this, I don't know the answer to this question. Am I doing it for religious reasons? No. Am I doing this because I love animals? Yes, partially, because if I truly care about animals I need to stop eating them. Am I doing this because of health? No, like as if being vegan for a day can make you healthier instantly. Well... I just want to go vegan twice a month because I want to. That's it.

And also because I feel guilty that I "indirectly" kill mice for my FYP heh and I pity them.

Ultimately like I said last time, my main goal in life is to be a vegan actually. After going vegan twice a month I realise that it's not that difficult to give up meat. And that life goes on even if I were not to eat meat. The only thing that stops me from going full time is because I'm still living with my family. When I live by myself, have my own kitchen, have the freedom to cook what I want and so on, I'll devote myself to be a vegetarian first, before making the full switch.

I go vegan because I want to. And I choose two "auspicious" date because well I suppose it's just a good mark every month to be vegan. I can choose the first and last day of the month or something too. And well because they say it's good to go vegetarian on those two days too heh. Although honestly yes a big reason to why I want to go vegan is for the animals. It is pretty much terrifying to see those videos that show how animals in farms are treated.

Although I myself feel that everyone should not be a vegan because it would cause a huge ecological imbalance in this world. Which can be disastrous heh. And neither do I want to force my thoughts to other people to be a vegan. That's why I don't want to trouble my other family members. Next step, I want to be a vegetarian once a week. If not, I want to not-consume meat for one day every week. Then full time vegetarian and vegan! Yay.

It's an ultimate life goal I really hope I can achieve :)

Alright I hope you're inspired to join me in this fun too. Vegan food aren't too bad! There's so many recipes you can try. Good for your health as well. Alright talk to you soon!

Fungi

 Regrets

I used to tell a very lame joke to people that goes like:

"What's the most ra-ra creature on earth? It's Fungi, cause they're fun-guy!"

And well yesterday I found out that my camera lens got some fungi growing on it! :( It's such a sad and shocking news to me, because I am a very OCD/hyper careful/cautious guy when it comes to my camera. I keep it in a dry box. Well not a proper dry box but an air-tight container. I'll wipe my camera and lens dry before putting it in, and I store the container in a well-circulated area of my room. Not some cupboard where air ventilation is bad.

Then yesterday I had a food-shoot and when I glanced at the lens I went !@#$%*#(*$&%  when I saw a speck of snow-flake like patten on the rear of the lens. I knew it was fungus. Well it's not like a huge spread of fungus across the lens, just a tiny speck (like 5mm in length) on the rear of the camera. And looking at the images of yesterday's shoot they look normal, no weird distortions or something. So it was okay. But I was just feeling really sad :(

Researching further about lens fungus I read that well the best way to solve the problem is to send it for repair. But my hometown doesn't have such place. So another alternative is UV radiation. I don't have a UV lamp but I do have... The sun! So today I went to leave my lens for a bit of suntan. No worries I was just exposing the affected part of the lens to sunlight. Not like I'm roasting the lens below the scorching sun or something heh. And I'm planning it to do this for a few days, for a short period each time. Hope it works!

So I was getting paranoid because I didn't use the other lenses I have often. I gave them a check and they're fine. Except for my 2nd hand Tamron lens which is quite battered now heh. Ever since I got my trusty 16-80mm I stopped using it. And it's a lens I've been using for a good three years. It even got smashed once haha. And the rubber part is getting wonky too. Well after all it was a second-hand lens. So much memories with that lens though.

But then I was kind of hit with a wave of regret... That I shouldn't have bought so much lenses when I first started out. Okay as compared to those pro photographers I don't own like a lot of lens. Currently I own 5 lenses and they are:
- Sony 18-55mm (Which is the standard kit lens)
- Sony 50mm F1.8 (my super awesome prime)
- Sony 28mm F2.8 (awesome for street, rarely used though :/)
- Tamron 18-200mm (my 3rd lens, it's a 2nd hand and I got it for S$400!)
- Sony 16-80mm F2.8 (latest lens I got, and my favourite among all)

And looking back... Come to think of it I shouldn't have bought the 28mm one. Okay the reason I got it was because I own a film SLR (given from my uncle) with an awesome Mamiya 28mm lens. I used it for street a lot the other time and I really love it. So I bought Sony's 28mm, thinking that it was a great lens for street. And indeed it is! I really love it.

Okay I think I was pretty naive and too impulse when I got my first DSLR, thinking that owning a lot of different lenses work. Well I'm not a professional photographer and neither am I a person with photography as my sole-career. So I wouldn't be needing so much lenses. Back when I first started I thought owning different lenses would be a good idea because of its versatility. Of course, that's not a wrong thought after all. But I think since I'm not a photographer, the question actually boils down to: how often will you use all these lenses?

Ever since I got back, I'll only use my camera maybe once a month, or two months. For special events or when someone asked my help for a shoot. So I wouldn't be needing all of these lenses. But then again, well, no one knows the future. In Singapore I used the lenses quite often. When I got to town I'll use my 28mm. When I go for shoots I'll bring my 50mm usually. And when traveling abroad too. But now... I don't really use them.

I remember a friend of mine was getting a DSLR, so we were hunting around for a good bargain. Although it was his first camera, he told me that he was getting a Nikon D7000! While beginners usually got the D3000 (that time) or well the pricier D5000, he went straight away to D7000 which is like an intermediate user camera. So I was shocked and I asked him if he would want to consider getting the 3k or 5k instead because of the price. And he replied that he would rather make a good investment in the beginning and stick with it, instead of buying a beginner DSLR and then work his way up. His words sent shivers down my spine. How can I not think of this!

But of course, when I bought my Sony A230 I was really blind to photography. I didn't do any research. I didn't go so much in depth like him.

I suppose he's correct but well to a certain extent too. If I could turn back time I would really get myself, like him, an intermediate DSLR too and I would just stick with my 18-55mm. I'll find what I love to shoot the most (in my case landscape and street) and along this process, I'll save up some money and do research to what lens would suit me the most, in terms of my photography interest. 16-80mm was a lens I searched upon, and also I did a lot of hunting from Flickr to Google to DPreview and so on. And decided to stick with it. And till today, I love it.

So yeah I have a tinge of regret to why I bought that much lenses. Well the only regret I have now is the 28mm one. The Tamron was a great companion of mine but now he's retiring. And 50mm, like I said is my trusty prime.

Well to those who are interested to get themselves a DSLR, and also is wondering of what lens they should get, here's my advice to you. Okay I wouldn't advise you to go and get an expensive DSLR unless you are a 100% affirmed that you want to make photography a hobby. I know some people who got expensive DSLRs and then now, I don't see them posting photos using their DSLRs and so on. Quite a waste in my opinion, give me your DSLR! Hahaha.

A good beginner DSLR is good enough I suppose. I know Nikon doesn't allow the "pro" lenses to be used on the entry-level DSLRs (not sure if this is still going on). You can get Canon and Sony DSLRs, all lenses can be used for all DSLRs (except for the mirrorless cameras now like the Canon EOS M and Sony NEX series, they have different lens mount).

And please don't go on a lens-buying rampage like me. I would suggest you stick with your kit lens first. And then find your photography interest before moving on to your next lens. If say you like landscape you can consider getting the 17-40mm or 24-70mm. If you like macro go and get the macro lenses. If you like wildlife, why not the 300mm one. If you like portraits get a good prime. All these great lenses are great investments. And you can use it for a long time.

Well I have my regrets but there's nothing I can do. I'm even thinking of selling some of my lenses. Not sure where though. But well I'll see about it.

Talking about cameras, well I realise the future of cameras (I think) will go to mirrorless, and also the size of the cameras will shrink. I think DSLRs will be replaced with camera-sizes like the Sony NEX, Fujifilm X series, Canon EOS M, Nikon J series and so on. Even the new Sony A7 looks so damn pretty, and small for a full-frame camera! Would love to get that for my next camera but the price tag is so damn lovely too! Hahaha. So sleek and cool.

I think I'm going to get the NEX series for my next camera. Or the Fujifilm X series. Well this is when my camera can no longer be used anymore. Besides the price are still expensive now heh. And my trusty Sony A58 is still awesome as ever, just that her lens has some fungi growing on it which I truly hope of getting rid off ASAP. I hope they'll go away!

Okay I feel better after blogging about this. Well I've learned, really, that regrets cannot be undone and changed. But our attitudes towards it can! So move forward Adhi, it's alright, your camera is still working fine. Just be more careful next time.

Loving you as always, my dear girlfriend A58.

Your Song

Currently addicted to Ellie Goulding's version of Your Song. I think it's so beautiful!

Anyway last night I was listening to one of my favourite symphonies from Mozart again. It's Symphony No 25 in G Minor and you can listen to it too here below. And well I was just thinking again tonight, how did I get to love and enjoy listening to classical music? When did it all begin? I couldn't find the answers to all these questions either.



Since young I'm never being exposed to classical music. It's not like as if I grew up in a family where everyone plays music and listens to classical music. Well my grandpa and aunt did. Perhaps it is the fact that my parents enjoy listening to instrumental songs, and this is the reason why I wanted to learn to play the piano so much. And then I asked my sister (who as still in Singapore then) to buy for me more piano music CDs, and instrumental songs.

And then I came to Singapore and I got more exposure to different kind of music. New Age was the first new genre I got exposed to, thank to joining the Angklung and Kulintang ensemble where my awesome instructor, Ms Cindy Ho, arranged Enya songs for the ensemble. That's how I got to know Enya. And it's pretty awesome really! Went for music lessons, and I then finally get to know classical music composers like Mozart, Beethoven, Bach and Chopin.

I actually knew Tchaikovsky for quite a long time because I used to play Swan Lake with my late aunt on her keyboard. I would play the right hand and she would play the left. But I don't know who Tchaikovsky is, and what Swan Lake is. I just know it as a beautiful song that we can play on the piano heh. And then I joined band, and I got to know another new music genre (wind music) and I suppose that's how my music discovery began?

Tchaikovsky was (and still is actually) my favourite composer. I remember buying an album from Daiso called "I Love Tchaikovsky" and listening to his Piano Concerto No 1 and it was like one of the wow-est moment of my life. I fell in love with his work. And then I remember in secondary one, I got myself a compilation of classical music songs by various composers. That's how I get to know Chopin's piano etudes and waltzes, Mozart's Turkish March, Beethoven symphonies and so on. And of course I discovered more composers along the way.

Well it is nights like these that I felt really really thankful for all of these composers to be born into this world. They're such wonderful musicians and they created such wonderful music. And I feel it's truly a privilege to be able to enjoy classical music. Or wait, to even enjoy music! Without all of these composers, so many composers of today won't be able to create such wonderful music too. I'm so glad they came into this world really. How would life be without them!

So yeah, I'm just glad I love them. And I truly hope that the future generations will enjoy their music too, and that their legacy will always be remembered by humans forever. Sadly I can only play a couple of songs on the piano. Like Turkish March and Chopin's Nocturne. I hope I can learn more of the music of these composers! Would be an honour.

Alright here's to classical music, forever! :)

Week

I know I've talked about this a while back, about filling my days with more meaningful activities so that I can make my life more colourful. It's already June now, and well I haven't been doing that sadly. But I'm picking up the broken pieces I left behind and trying to make my life more interesting now. Well also because I'm trying to find ways to make me feel that time will go faster. If you know what I mean. Obviously we can't control time, but we can make it seem to fly faster.

So I am thinking of like making a daily plan for the week. For example Monday I'll be watching GoT at night haha, until season 4 is over heh. Tuesday my plan is to blog on my so-dead tumblr. Wednesday and Thursday and so on and forth.

Now that the online course I took with Vithya is over, my week surely feels very empty. At the same time I realised that my week was passing rather quickly when I took that course. Maybe it was because I had something to look forward to and that I have something to keep me occupied every Wednesday night. So now I'll have to do the same, just that I am the one who's creating these activities. And I truly believe it can be done.

Anyway the past three days I've been having weird dreams about traveling alone. I think it's a sign! Haha. Well they say if you dream of traveling, it means you're in need of a break from life or something. Or that you're running away from something (dan dan daaaaan). Well I just came back from Singapore like last week so I shouldn't be "needing" a break. Well I think I always do. I would travel to new places everyday. Serious! Heh.

Okay so on Sunday night I dreamt of traveling to Nepal alone. Like I was about to hike to Anapurna base camp but I was in Singapore and a guy told me I can take a train from Somerset to the foot of the mountain and then start climbing (what). Then on Monday night I dreamt of climbing Mt Kinabalu again but I was at the summit then. And last night I dreamt of going to another country... I forgot which though. But it was a very cool country with amazing architectures!

I love having weird dreams. They kinda leave me with a smile whenever I woke up.

Anyho I'm currently falling in love with Mozart's Symphony no 25 again. Gosh it's been ages since I first heard it back when I was in sec one I think. Then falling in love with it again now. And also I'm falling in love with Bach Brandenburg concertos! Which are very lovely, and they make me want to learn how to play the recorder like a pro.

Alright I guess that's all for now. Here's to an awesome month of June ahead! :)