Sunday 31 December 2017

In 2017...

It's the dawn of the last day of 2017, and as usual it's a time for me to reflect and contemplate about the year. Hmm I'm not sure how to put 2017 into words to be honest. Although it is definitely a much better year than 2016 hahaha. Pretty sure 2016 has defeated lots of people heh. But then again, since 2014, I decided not to "label" my year! Good or bad, I'm pretty sure all of us have something to take home and bring into the new year. Lessons, experiences and more.

But well, 2017 was a pretty okay year. It was neither a good or bad year. But I'm definitely very thankful for the things that I went through in this year. I would say a lot of things happened in 2017. Both in my life, and also "internally" inside me. Things that happened like miracles, putting full-stops to stories filled with a seemingly endless uncertainty. Things that get the ball rolling forward, and I hope we can keep this momentum towards and forward in 2018.

The year began restlessly still. As if the dark and uncertain days of 2016 shadow themselves into the new year. But things begin to slowly change and move. They unravel into things that we both expected, and unexpected. Like I wrote on my previous post, it feels like things were finally falling into the right places. And now we're just trying to adjust the positions of these things, and also make sure that they are standing strong. And also standing long (sounds wrong hahaha, but you get it).

Internally, I've learned a lot about myself too. Following my journey of recognising the empty nature of things, I discovered more lessons about happiness too. And feeling "alive" about the things that happened to me is also one of the greatest lessons I've learned in 2017!

Now moving on to the lessons I've learned in 2017...

I'm sorry to begin this segment on a not-so-nice note. I've learned that there are many shitty people on this planet seriously. And let us all not be one. I've encountered a number of occurrences in this year that kinda made me lose faith in humanity haha. Like I couldn't believe such people exist. They really remind me to be on my guard always. And it's a bitter reminder to me that the world is dark and full of terror. Stop spreading them. Spread love and compassion instead.

Which brings me to my next point, the only person you should trust is yourself hah. Okay I'm not trying to say that you shouldn't trust anyone else. But trust yourself, and always remind yourself that we need to work hard, and the only person who can make things work is yourself and no body else. Other people can come and help you but at the end of the day, always make sure that you can do it too. Nobody else in this world can achieve your dreams but yourself!

Elaborating more on last year's lesson, about not being too overly ambitious, this year I just want to make sure that we must also enjoy the journey. Like what I feel this year:

"You can climb a thousand mountains in one day, or climb one mountain in a thousand days. As long as you enjoy the process. Because I see no point in reaching the summit, if you don't enjoy the climb"

And I also want to continue to define my definition of "living life to the fullest" like I said last year. I want to be here. To be present at every moment, be it times of joy and peace, or struggle and restlessness. I'd like to remind myself that being alive is an amazing feeling. To feel all of these plethora of feelings. It's a sign that we're still here! Cause one day all of us won't be.

Last but not least, I want to continue being "alive". I want to let myself experience a lot of things, and I want to grow from these experiences. To be a better human being, to be a better person.

I would say 2017 was kind of a year of "closures" for me? I feel like I'm just leaving the dark and uncertain days of 2016 behind. But as I closed many pages, and end lots of stories, empty pages start to appear in front of me waiting to be written. Should I take the pen and write? I sure will.

In this year... I kinda lost my purpose. I no longer know what my purpose and ambition is in a sense. But somehow I suddenly have an epiphany - that all of the things that I'm going through right now is actually leading me somewhere. A place that nobody knows but time. So although I seem to lose my purpose and stuff, it feels like life is reminding me to focus with what I have in the present moment. Let time and life lead me to a place, a place I am subconsciously preparing to arrive in.

2018 is going to be an exciting year for sure. It's time for me to hustle, and it's time for me to get a grip on my life. I do feel a tinge of regret to be honest. I wish I can give myself these closures earlier. I don't know why it took me 4 years to finally get a grip on myself. I suppose it's time. Time knows the best things, it knows things that we'll never know. Until everything is right.

Alright, that's all for this year I guess? Thank you 2017 for everything that you've given me. Like I always believe, every year is the best chance for us to be the best human being we can ever be, and to achieve and realise our goals and dreams. Also, every year that we went through, the things that we went through and lessons we learned, they are the reasons that will make the new year a better one! In this way, we're gonna have an awesome year every year mwahaha.

Ah well, another year come and go. I hope 2017 has been treating you well. Here's me wishing you a great and wonderful 2018 ahead. I hope you have achieved your resolutions and if you haven't there's always the new year! Cheers everyone, here's to an awesome and fabulous 2018 for us.

Friday 29 December 2017

Alive

 Alive

It's the 3rd last day of 2017 can you believe it! I'm so so... Excited. Meh. Hahaha. Anyway I wanna talk about something today. One of the greatest err... Feelings? Lessons? That I have learned this year. I'm gonna start my reflection tomorrow night. As usual, on the dawn of the last day.

I'm not sure how to put it but in 2017, I felt really "alive" in a sense that I learned a lot from the things that happened in this year, and on 2016 as well. All of the things I experienced, both nice and not so nice things, they made me feel alive. It's a weird word to describe, I know.

I would say that 2016 was a really challenging and "dark" time of my life. And I'm pretty glad that I actually made out of it alive haha. So as I entered 2017, I was determined not to dwell in the darkness and get out of it. Even though the early months of the year, I was still feeling uncertain.

But things changed along the way I guess. I'd like to quote a saying I came across once. 

"When things seem to fall apart, they may be falling into the right places".

One of the greatest lessons I learned in 2017 is that well, all of the fears and confusions that we come across in life, and everything else that we went through, they're actually leading us to somewhere. We might not know the place exactly but yeah. Somewhere.

I've always hated uncertainties. Come to think of it, who does! They are very daunting to me. But then again I learned in this year that the only certain thing in life, is uncertainty itself. So I'm learning to embrace them. With the belief that they too, will lead me somewhere.

Which I would like to quote another saying I found on the Artidote page on Facebook,

"Everything that you're going through, is preparing you for what you asked for"

Although I wouldn't say that I'm asking for something. But I'd like to believe that whatever I'm going through now, is leading me somewhere, and preparing me for something big and great!

Anyway I would say the biggest difference I felt this year is that instead of falling into the depths of worries, and the vortex of uncertainties, I decided to make them like a friend of mine. I embrace them with open arms. Whatever I can learn from them, I will keep. Whatever I dislike, I throw away into the void. I am learning to see the emptiness of everything.

Although I'm still so so far from perfecting this practice, I am slowly learning to embrace uncertainties like an old friend. I still wish I can be fearless to face everything in life. And I think that's what I am doing this year. I let myself experience "everything".

And through this "everything", I feel alive.

Tuesday 26 December 2017

Great Music of 2017

 Great Music of 2017! Thank you for the music.

Right! Is that time of the year again when I would sum up all the great music of the year. I would say 2017 is a fantastic year for music! Lots of great music released, my favourite artists released lots of great albums mwahaha. I'm pretty excited for 2018 as well, some of my other favourite artists have announced that they are releasing new music next year, or are in the process of making a new album! So yup pretty excited for the new year. Anyway here goes!

Oh yes also no new music in the month of December except for Sam Smith's new album which I just received in early December! I love the album, it's like Adele's 25 - it makes me think of my ex, which only exists in the depth of my wonderful imagination HAHAHA.

Okay lets begin with the new artists/bands I discovered this year, as always in no particular order.

Great artists/bands I discovered in 2017:
[] Observer Drift [] Sleeping At Last [] Maggie Roggers [] Cafune [] Ryder [] Shallou []
[] Phum Vipurit [] Trevor Something [] Raleigh Ritchie [] Mesita [] Cigarette After Sex []
[] The Endorphins [] Bayonne [] Compuphonic [] Bottlesmoker []

Discovered most of these new artists from YouTube once again! It's such a wonderful place to discover new music seriously haha. Thank you once again to channels like Majestic Casual, Wave of Good Noise etc. Also some of my favourite bands share the music from these wonderful artists on their pages, and that's how I know them! I'm excited for more new music from these incredible people.

Breakthrough Artist of 2017 for me: Mesita and Maggie Roggers!

Great Albums of 2017:
[] Silhouette by Aquilo [] I See You by The XX [] About U by Muna [] Epoch by Tycho []
[] Now The Light is Fading EP by Maggie Roggers [] Afterglow by Asgeir [] Melodrama by Lorde []
[] The Days We Had by Daywave [] Hazel English double EP [] Revival by Vancouver Sleep Clinic []
[] Truth Is A Beautiful Thing by London Grammar [] Ultralife by Oh Wonder [] Ti Amo by Phoenix []
[] Kaleidoscope EP by Coldplay [] English Letters EP by Favela [] Dua Lipa by Dua Lipa []
[] Something To Tell You by Haim [] Mysterium by Hammock [] Lust for Life by Lana Del Rey []
[] Willowbank by Yumi Zouma [] Blurred EP by Kiasmos [] HMGNC by HMGNC [] 
[] Lintasan Waktu by Danilla [] Parakosmos by Bottlesmoker [] The Thrill of It All by Sam Smith []
[] Mall Music EP by Mesita [] Here's To Nowhere by Mesita [] Living/Breathing by Mesita []

Okay there are a lot of great albums in 2017! I'm going to list down by top 10 albums of the year:

1. Truth Is A Beautiful Thing by London Grammar
2. English Letters EP by Favela
3. Willowbank by Yumi Zouma
4. Afterglow by Asgeir
5. HMGNC by HMGNC
6. Revival by VCS
7. Dua Lipa by Dua Lipa
8. Kaleidoscope EP by Coldplay
9. About U by Muna

Favourite Album of 2017: Ultralife by Oh Wonder

I think Ultralife is a wonderfully crafted album! I really really love the album and their songs have been on my playlist ever since they are released haha. Maybe it's the fact that they described each song in a video and thus I can understand the album better. But well I've been a huge fan of Oh Wonder ever since the time when they released a song a month. I am still hoping that I can see them live one day. They're just so humble and so nice! Thanks for giving me Ultralife this year! :D

Great Songs of 2017:
[] Warm Waves by Observer Drift [] You Don't Know Where You Stand and Silhouette by Aquilo []
[] Say Something Loving and On Hold by The XX [] I Know A Place by Muna [] Division by Tycho []
[] Alaska by Maggie Roggers [] Nirvana by Ryder [] Unbound & Here Comes The Wave In by Asgeir []
[] Truth by Shallou [] Perfect Places by Lorde [] Miracles by Coldplay [] Ultralife by Oh Wonder []
[] High on Humans by Oh Wonder [] Big Picture and Non-Believer by London Grammar []
[] Be The One by Dua Lipa [] Nevermore My Temples Leave and English Letters by Favela []
[] Long Gone by Phum Vipurit [] Somewhere Else, Kihei and Spiraling by Mesita []
[] Persephone and Depths Pt 2 by Yumi Zouma [] Love and 13 Beaches by Lana Del Rey []
[] Apocalypse and Affection by Cigs After Sex [] Summer Days by Rhye [] I Know by Bayonne []
[] Ms Right Now by The Endorphins [] Mysterium by Hammock [] Metropolis by Compuphonic []
[] Pray and No Peace by Sam Smith [] Buka Hati Buka Kembali and Sedikit Waktu by HMGNC []

And many many more haha. Okay I'm going to list my top 10 songs of the year!

1. Nirvana by Ryder
2. I Know A Place by Muna
3. Buka Hati Buka Kembali by HMGNC
4. English Letters by Favela
5. Unbound by Asgeir
6. Say Something Loving by The XX
7. Big Picture by London Grammar
8. Kihei by Mesita
9. Persephone by Yumi Zouma

Favourite Song of 2017: Ultralife by Oh Wonder.... And Nevermore My Temples Leave by Favela

Once again I'm tied with two songs! Okay like seriously these two songs are my most played song of 2017! They are just so so good haha. I love Ultralife because it kinda reflects on how 2017 has been for me. As for Nevermore, it's just such a beautiful beautiful and melancholic song. I love the lyrics (although I don't quite understand it) and the instrumentation is just incredible. I am so excited for Favela's debut album next year. It's gonna be an incredible one for sure.

Right to close off this year's post, I'm going to tell you the acts that I look forward to in 2018! First Aid Kit will be releasing their new album Ruins in January, Chvrches has announced their CHV3 show in June! PREP is finishing their 2nd EP, so so excited for this one. Mesita will also be releasing a new album, and the vinyl for Here's To Nowhere and Living/Breathing yaaay. Years and Years is going to release a new album too I think (saw Olly's Insta Story).

And I am also excited for KOC, Troye Sivan, Shura, Sigur Ros and Maggie Roggers!

That's all for the great music of 2017! This is a fantastic year for music in my opinion. I can't wait for more discovery in 2018. Particularly most excited for PREP cause I love their first EP. Here's to more music discovery in 2018! Thank you for giving me colours in this year, and as always,

For keeping me sane. 

Monday 25 December 2017

Merry Christmas!

First of all wishing you a merry merry Christmas! I hope you had a great day with your loved ones today. A pretty ordinary day for me, I don't celebrate Christmas anyway hah. Spent the afternoon at the factory (yes we still work) and then the evening with my parents. Nevertheless today was a beautiful clear day! We've been blessed with two clear days today and yesterday.

Christmas has always been both a sad and happy day for me? Okay not in a negative way. It's just a bittersweet reminder that time is flying quickly. Cause Christmas is just some sort of checkpoint that reminds me a year is ending. At the same time, although I don't celebrate it, Christmas is a day that gives me a warm fuzzy feeling of reminiscing and contemplation! 

Which reminds me, I need to start my reflection post of the year as usual haha. 

I'm not sure why but hmm I can't really describe 2017 into words. I wouldn't say it's a good one, nor a bad one. It's pretty hard to put this year into words. Although it is a year that I learned a lot, and a year that pushes me forward in some sort. I discovered some sides of myself that I haven't met. And it challenges me to be a better person in a way? See, I can't describe it hah.

Oh well I'm already starting on my journal! In the meantime I'm going to start with my great music of the year post teehee. It's really a lot of music. I don't know where to start! Alright see you tomorrow I guess. Once again Merry Christmas and I hope you had a great day today! :)

Friday 22 December 2017

Happy Winter Solstice!

 Happy Belated Birthday Stefan!
Presenting my handsome nephews and cute niece

It's the 22nd of December today which means it's Winter Solstice! So happy winter solstice everyone, I hope you had some tang yuans today! I had some myself and they taste really good. I'll talk more about my creation for 2k17 later on haha. I feel quite sad this year because yesterday I didn't have the chance to help my mum make the tang yuans! Had lots of work to do so.. Yes.

Also yesterday was Stefan's birthday so happy belated birthday to you! Had a mini celebration for him with my parents and aunt. Can't believe he's one now. Feels like he's just born 3 months ago or something heh. I hope you grow into a healthy and wise young man! :D

Anyway yes as I was saying, I didn't have the chance to make tang yuans with my mum yesterday. I wanted to but there was calculations to be done. And it was rather late so I went ahead to do them. Although I did manage to make some for myself later that night after dinner.

I was just talking with my parents about two nights ago regarding how long more will people uphold this tradition of making tang yuans. I mean even nowadays lesser and lesser people are making them. They just simply buy pre-made ones where they can just boil and eat. There's nothing wrong with that of course, I mean they're still celebrating the winter solstice right.

My parents were saying they're not sure if my generation will continue this hahaha. Well for me, I will. Because I am someone who believes in upholding traditions and its importance! I think traditions are something that gives us human, an identity. So if we don't uphold them, we're going to lose our identity slowly and slowly. And then it's just going to quietly disappear.

I can't help but feel guilty yesterday for not helping my mum. I hope to do so next year!

Anyway now let me show you about my tang yuan creation 2k17!


This year I made two version. One is tang yuan with honey butter almonds filling haha. And the other is the most expensive one I've made - tang yuan with royce chocolate filling mwahaha. It is so so good oh my goodness. I think I'm going to consider making chocolate-filled tang yuan from now onwards haha. They both taste really good! Stay tuned for 2k18 one heh.

Alright this is just a random post in this rather chilly winter solstice day! Hope you had a great one too. And oh my goodness it's just 9 more days to the end of 2017. Gonna blog a lot about my thoughts regarding this year! I have a lot to talk about. Alright see ya soon :)

Sunday 17 December 2017

Education

Honestly speaking, I'm pretty sensitive when people talk about my "education" in Singapore. Especially when people say things like "Oh you went so far to Singapore to study only to come back to Indonesia". Or "Oh you studied something that has no relationship with what you're doing now". And so on and so forth. I mean seriously, do we have to talk about this, when we're already here now? What do you want me to do? Turn back time and not return?

See the thing is that I made the decision to go back. Sure, if I know how life will turn out back ten years ago, I would do something more relatable or at least made some changes to some of the decisions I made. But what's so fun about life if we know our future right?

Well you see... The thing is I'm not proud of my diploma. And I don't think anyone else is. I am, however, deeply proud of one thing - my education. The whole 3 years of my Poly life, the 4 years in Tanglin and the 3 years back in Pei Tong. Of course the 4 years when I was still in Indonesia too. I am proud and forever grateful for the opportunity to receive an education. 

Something which millions of people around the world don't have access to.

I am proud and grateful to cross paths with some of the most amazing people in life - my teachers. People who imparted me with their knowledge and skills. Who guided and gave me advice on life outside of school. People who trained me to be disciplined and prepared me for the world once I stepped out of school. For showing me love and care, taught me responsibility and initiative.

I am thankful for the friendships I've made and forged with my friends. For sharing pieces of my life with me, through joy and happiness, struggle and hardships. For writing so many memories together, that our lack of communication and distances doesn't seem to matter.

Last but not least, my experiences. For opening my mind to the world out there. For making me brave to step outside of my comfort zone, and for showing me the beauty of this planet. The independence I gained from my ten years in Singapore. The skills I've gained from living away from my parents and so on. These are things that can never be easily replaced with.

My "study" in Singapore is more than just "going to school". The teachers I have crossed-paths with. The friendships I have made. The experiences that I went through and felt.

They are more than just a diploma and certificates.

And I would never want to trade all of these away with anything.

Friday 15 December 2017

Earthquake

Super random post but I just experienced probably the biggest quake I felt! Was doing work with my dad at 11:45 PM just now when I felt myself shaking. We both knew that it was an earthquake but we just ignored it. Then it grew bigger and I had to wake my mum up and we both ran out of the house heh. It was 6.5 on the Richter Scale! Although the epicentre is very far from my hometown, the shaking was long and pretty huge. Kinda terrifying to experience that.

Well we live on a terrifyingly beautiful planet. Quakes happen everywhere around the world everyday. Sometimes it's huge like today. I'm hoping that there won't be huge damages done in towns near the epicentre. And also thankfully the tsunami warning was lifted just now.

Indonesia lies on the pacific ring of fire. So we're kinda prone to quakes. I was just worried because the 2004 earthquake at Aceh is very terrifying. Although we were not affected here, the videos showing the devastation of the quake and tsunami is very very terrifying. I wish it won't happen anywhere else again. Earth is an amazing planet. But a powerful one too.

Friday 8 December 2017

Anicca

  Impermanence

Hello! Alright I'm going to talk about my tattoo today. Sorry for taking so long to write about this! I was waiting for the tattoo to heal up so that I can take a proper picture of it heh

I've always wanted to get a tattoo since I'm in Polytechnic. I was just unsure about what to get! Although I grew up in a family that is pretty conservative about tattoos, I also grew up watching shows like Miami Ink and LA Ink (Shoutout to Ami James and Kat Von D). I watched these shows and I'm awed by two things - the stories to why people get tattoos, and how talented the tattoo artists are to deliver the design that the clients requested. They are so so creative and amazing!

Like I remember watching episodes of people getting tattoos in the memory of loved ones who passed away, and in particular I also remember an episode of a lady getting a tattoo to commemorate her last chemotherapy session. So yes despite of the conservative thoughts I had since young, I also learned another side of tattoos. And this really opened up my mind I guess.

So I knew that I wanted to get a tattoo one day when I grow up. I used to have crazy ideas, like I wanted to have a tattoo of a music score on my back. Or even that idea of having a world map and then shading each country that you have visited. And I was hoping to have every country shaded as I lay on my deathbed hahaha. But yes these are a bit over the top now that I think of it.

Also fun fact: I almost got myself a tattoo of the map of Iceland on my back while in Reykjavik.

As I grow up I am more drawn into minimalistic tattoos? So I knew that I wanted to get a text-tattoo as my first. Or maybe a very simple design or symbol. I was reading up about getting your first tattoos etc and one of the important points that a lot of people covered is that the tattoo must have a meaning to you (obviously!). There's an article I read that if you really can't decided on a tattoo, have the design/word of the tattoo in front of you every day. If in 3 months you decided to change your mind, or you're still hesitant, then it's not it! Well in my case, I have an idea or concept for years.

And that idea is impermanence. One of my life's motto is, as you know it, "impermanence keeps me going". So I was torn between two choices. Either I have that sentence, or just a simple "anicca" for my first tattoo. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to just get Anicca.

So I met up with Ash, whom I got recommended by Vithya, when I was in Singapore. I did contact her two weeks before the trip to ask questions and her opinions. We set up an appointment (sorry for being late again!) and yup! After choosing the font, size etc, it was time to get inked!

 Time to get inked!

To be honest yes there is pain, but the pain is way less painful than I imagined it to be. In fact sometimes it feels ticklish more than pain hah. But of course, different parts of our body will take pain differently. The bonier the body part, the more painful it is. Also when you have lots of nerves like your palm etc. Okay won't go so much into this, just research it hah.

Now to why I decided to go with anicca. I have a really serendipitous and funny encounter with this word. It was back in 2012, during my Internship period back in year three. Basically I had a shitty week and I was just feeling so horrible. 2012 was the year that I spent alone in Singapore. FYP and Internship wasn't going well and something upsetting happened at work.

It was the second week in which I decided going to the temple (Mangala Vihara) every Sunday. I was hoping to seek some solace and peace by going to the temple for the Sunday Puja, after having that shitty week. So in Mangala Vihara, the parita (Buddhist texts) is shown on a screen where we can read together in front. There's the Pali text on the left, and the translation on the right. As someone who's been reciting Parita since primary school when I was still in Indonesia, I don't really read the screen.

But on that fateful day I just looked up on the screen and it was shown "Contemplation of Impermanence". I just looked up on the word impermanence and I remember I couldn't stop thinking about this word that whole Sunday. I've always regarded myself as a bad Buddhist, because back then (and now still) I didn't know a lot about Buddhism deeply. So on that night, I researched lots of Buddhist texts about impermanence and... I felt very relieved in a very weird way.

That was when I came up with my motto, impermanence keeps me going.

Anicca (impermanence) is one of the three marks of existence in Buddhism. Together with Anatta (non-self) and Dukkha (suffering). Basically, everything in life is impermanent and doesn't have a solid "self". And everything with these two characteristics, causes suffering (Dukkha). But once you realised this fact, you will begin your journey to liberate yourself from suffering.

To me impermanence is the most important of the three marks of existence. If we cannot accept this fact, we'll forever be unhappy. Like I always believe, we are all craving for permanence in this impermanent world. We always want things to always be good. We don't like suffering. We want to be happy. But when we come to a time where all the good things come to an end, we feel horrible like as if everything is the end for us. Because we love permanence.

Impermanence doesn't just refer to the fact that "everything comes to an end". It doesn't just refer to a time-point from A to B. So when people ask me what's the meaning of Anicca, and I replied with impermanence, they will reply me with "Oh you're referring to mortality right?". Yes, and there's more to that. Everything in life is impermanent. Not just our body, not just life itself.

Our thoughts, feelings, actions, words etc. They are all impermanent. And in this case, impermanent also refers to the idea that they are in constant change (hence not permanent). So you can feel happy about a movie now but maybe in the future you learn horrible things about the movie and you change the way you feel about it. And so on. So yes, impermanence doesn't just refer to time.

It also refers to a wave of constant change in life.

And this is why it keeps me going. The idea that good things will come to an end and so do bad things. The idea that you will leave everything behind, or things will leave you behind. Impermanence keeps me going because it teaches me to enjoy the good days before they say goodbye, and to keep on going during tough times because they won't last either.

And the idea that I will one day leave everything behind is very comforting to me.

Impermanence also taught me to live in the moment. Because the present moment is the peak of impermanence. Where the past has come to an end and the future is about to start.

But I'm not a perfect human being, nor am I a perfect Buddhist. It is VERY difficult to practise this. Because it is the nature of our mind to not be in the present heh. Our minds love going to places it shouldn't be in. It loves to wander anywhere, but here. But it is not impossible to do it. That's all I know. We can train our mind through meditation, and I've been doing that for three years now.

So yes. My serendipitous encounter with the word Anicca on that fateful Sunday at Mangala Vihara has opened up a huge window in my mind. It really changes the way I see life. 2012 wasn't exactly an awesome year for me. 2013 was coming up, and it was the year of big change for me. Upon realising this mark of existence, I felt better facing changes and uncertainties. And as life kept going, I'm always reminded again and again to why impermanence keeps me going.

And that's how I decided to get myself something permanent on this impermanent body of mine, that will forever remind me that everything is impermanent. Just like my body.

Anyway special thanks to Ash for getting my first tattoo! I love this tattoo and I'm looking forward to "completing" it by having Anatta on my right wrist. Also thanks Vithya for accompanying me to get it! I've been talking to her about getting tattoos and I finally have it! :)

As always, impermanence keeps me going. Thanks for reading!

Thursday 7 December 2017

Transient Wind

Two nights ago, I received a call from one of our workers, telling me that he needed to go back home (out of town) because his son just passed away. I was feeling really shocked to hear the news, because it was all too sudden. I mean we were just talking normally before this and then a few hours later, I received that news from him. I sent him our condolences and he left for his home.

I used to feel "scared" when I hear the news of someone's passing. And I always feel shocked and sad too. But now that I kinda learned about life, I also felt a bit of closure to the passing individual. And realised there's no need to feel scared. After all, death is our destination. We are all heading there.

Of course like I said once, I don't feel the same when it comes to murders and wars. Because I will never understand the reason why people hurt and kill one another.

So nowadays, when I received the news of someone's passing, yes I will feel sad. But I also accept it, and let it go, reminding myself that this is what life is. A very short moment that seems to last an eternity. Or like the Buddha said, it's as transient as the autumn wind.

May you rest in peace.

Wednesday 6 December 2017

Broken


 Yesterday I broke my phone and my heart :(

Well yes I dropped my phone and it landed right on the sharp edge of a table at the office. Argghhh. And I broke the screen! There's actually a hole on the screen where you can see the inside of the phone meeooww. I have no idea how I dropped it. Well I was actually calling someone and was talking to someone else at the same time and I stumbled and... Yes.

 Look at that crack tho!

Yes I'm heart broken, cause my phone is only 1 year and 6 months old! Still functioning pretty well with no problems. But well shit happens and I already got myself a new phone. I got the iPhone X! So so excited. Wait I forgot two more letters. I got the iPhone six HAHAHA.

I know I used to be an Android fanboy. But I'm actually loving Apple after using it for a year. It's really a phone for me. It has everything I need and it's simple to use. Although I seriously feel the new phones are so expensive so I decided to get another iPhone six instead. The price of the iPhone 6s is double of the 6! So so expensive. Besides I love iPhone 6 actually. It's good enough.

Although it's also shocking how the price of the iPhone 6 is almost half of its price when I got it last year. Bad market value I guess. Also Apple is releasing lots of new phones. The iPhone 7 was being released last year when I got this phone so the price is dropping quick I guess.

I'm not sure if I will stick with Apple in the future. But with easy usability and interface, I'm giving it another chance for now! Alright, just a random but sad and depressing update.

Saturday 2 December 2017

Uncomfortable Silence

 Silence

The weather in the past week has been really crazy. There was a cyclone on the Indian ocean, south of Java, bringing in strong winds and torrential rains in the past 5 days or so. And just as the cyclone was ending, another one was forming southwest of Sumatra. So it was continuing again. Thankfully the rain has stopped since Friday. So did the strong scary winds! They were really strong and loud.

The past few days have been a pretty restless ones thanks to the crazy weather. I was thinking of the greenhouses (which some were damaged by the wind -.-), and also I was worried of landslides because non-stop rains would usually cause landslide in parts of my hometown. The winds were really strong so it was pretty noise outside with the sounds of the gushing winds.

Yesterday it didn't rain at all. Neither did the strong winds blow. Yet the silence felt both comforting and scary to me somehow. It's weird isn't it. After days of strong winds and loud noises, the idea of having a quiet day seems very un-comforting for me. When it should be the opposite.

It reminds me of our minds, in a way too. 

Just like our minds, we are too used to being bombarded with thoughts and emotions. And when everything settled, we are uncomfortable with the silence that we hunger forever. 

And the only way we can be comfortable with it is to me, through the process of meditation. I think this is from Sogyal Rinpoche's book The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying - he once mentioned that the reason to why we are very restless when we begin to meditate, is because we are uncomfortable with the idea of spending time alone with ourselves. Like... Who are we? 

We are uncomfortable with the idea of spending time alone with our "mind". Because we don't recognise it fully yet. Our ego, the constant flow of thoughts and emotions, and so on, they kinda block our mind. And we don't know what's inside it. So as we sit down, keep quiet and be still, we feel very uncomfortable to be with this "stranger" we've actually been living with forever!

So yeah. On one hand, we are seeking for this quiet. This silence that would bring us peace and calm. Yet at the same time, we are uncomfortable with it. I'm not sure why either. But after three years of meditation, I am learning how to bring my mind to this quiet place together.