Something Here

 

 My Afterglow Deluxe Boxset! Thanks for signing the box :P

It's the end of May again! And in this month I have discovered lots of music. Well not exactly discovered but there are lots of albums released, and they are all something I've been anticipating about! Also finally received some of the albums I ordered last month. We have a few to talk about!

Great Music of May

- Afterglow by Asgeir (album)

- The Days We Had by Day Wave (album)

- Revival by Vancouver Sleep Clinic (album)

- Fix by Hazel English

- Control by Hazel English

- Slow Fade by PREP

- Nevermore My Temples Leave by Favela

- Truth by Shallou

Song of the month: Nevermore My Temples Leave by Favela

Alright so yes there are 3 albums released in this month which I've been anticipating about! They are Asgeir's second album Afterglow, Day Wave's debut The Days We Had and Hazel English's double EP! I just received them about last week I think and I'm so happy! Cause it was taking quite long heh. Vancouver Sleep Clinic (VCS) debut was released last month but yep, just received it in May.

Lets start with Afterglow. It is Asgeir's second album after his debut of "In The Silence. In The Silence is definitely one of my favourite albums of all time. I'm so glad to have discovered him back in 2014 I think. I've been feeling excited about his second album and yup, it is another great album once again! I feel that he's "bolder" in this album in terms of music style, but his elements are definitely there. I love the synths and the poetic lyrics. I'd really love to know the meaning behind the songs though. My favourite songs from the album is: Here Comes The Wave In, Unbound, Afterglow, Trust!

Day Wave released his debut album on the same day as Asgeir and it is also another album I'm anticipating this year. I really enjoyed his double EP and this album doesn't disappoint too. Definitely a great song to soundtrack your summer haha. Well we have summer all year long here so I'm set! :P I'm glad to have discovered him way back in 2015 from his song Drag. I knew he's gonna make it big one day and well, I'm just so happy for his release really. Congratulations Jackson! Favourite songs from the album: Something Here, Wasting Time, Untitled and Ordinary.

I also discovered Hazel English about the same time as Day Wave and she just released her double EP the week after that! They both kinda have the same style in their music. And upon opening the double EP CD, I just found out that Jackson produced the album! I really love her music because of their dreamy touches and just how "wide" her music style is. I enjoyed every song from the album, but Fix is definitely my favourite. Along with the few other songs she released as singles last year.

VCS released their album last month but my order just arrived two weeks ago haha. I feel that their debut album is such an intensely beautiful album. That's how I would describe it. I think they released such a beautiful EP "Winter" and I was very excited for their debut. Their singles "Someone To Stay" and "Lungs" are pretty awesome and well, the rest of the album speaks the same. I am really hoping that I can have the chance to see them live. It must be a great experience really. Favourite songs: Wildfire, Someone To Stay, Lungs, Instrumental, Wherever You Are and Hiraeth.

There are also a few released this month which is awesome and exciting. Firstly there's Favela's new song Nevermore My Temples Leave which is such a beautiful melancholic song. I really love this song, especially during night drives and late nights when I'm writing. I think Favela is an amazing singer songwriter and I'm excited to listen to more new music from him this year. Similarly, I'd love to know the meaning behind this song haha. He replied my Tweet and said coming soon! Sweet....

PREP's Slow Fade is a bonus track on their CD version of their EP, which I ordered specially from Japan! And... Just recently I just found out I can get it in Indonesia T_T Oh well it's okay, I got it now nevertheless. And well, what can I say, another brilliant song from them! I am so excited for their new EP because the new songs that they performed at Kampoeng Jazz are so good.

And last but not least, Shallou's Truth is another Sheepy discovery from YouTube mwahaha. I love the song and it's definitely one of those songs to listen to after a long day, sipping some tea and slowly forgetting about life. And also another awesome driving music mwahaha. 

Alright that's all for May's Music! June is going to be an exciting month because there are lots of new music I'm anticipating. New albums from Dua Lipa, London Gramma, Lorde, Fleet Foxes and Coldplay's Kaleidoscope. Did I miss anyone? I think 2017 is seriously an awesome year for music haha. Feeling a bit bumped that Oh Wonder pushed back their release date to 14 July but it's alright! Good things are worth the wait. Oh boy, I'm gonna splurge a lot on music this year. Which is... The only think I splurge on haha. My guilty pleasure and something I've done since 10. Or something.

Okay I hope May was a great month for you. It's June tomorrow! And also Ramadhan is here so wishing all Muslims a blissful month of Ramadhan ahead. It's gonna be a month that flies very quickly for me. Busy with lots of things but well, a great reward is waiting for me at the end of the month so yeah. I hope you'll have a jubilant June ahead! And also here's to more music discovery as always.

Bazhang

 My vegetarian bazhang!

Today is the 5th of the 5th Lunar Month which means it's Duan Wu Jie or dragonboat festival! A day where we eat rice dumplings (bazhang) and race some dragonboats. Err I think hahaha. It's been two years since I last ate a proper bazhang. And I miss it! So what happened was last year, I told myself that I am going to make my own vegetarian bazhang next year since I can't eat those with meat.

What happened two days ago? *googles bazhang vegetarian in Jakarta* HAHAHA

Thankfully I found out that there was a vegetarian bazhang festival in a mall near my aunt's home! So I asked her to get some for me and I am so thankful that she helped me get them cause they taste so good! It's filled with mock meat, mushroom, lotus seed and salted egg yolk. I ate them for lunch and dinner today haha. It is my first bazhang in two years. So happy that I get to eat it again! I miss them :(

Which reminds me of something. I kinda realised that I hadn't eaten a lot of things in these two years of being a vegetarian. Some things which I told myself that I can't live without haha. Like ramen, pizza (okay I can still eat them), sushi and bakso (oops). Well I'm kinda surprised with myself that I don't miss meat at all, all these time. I do miss the flavours of some soup but then I'm fine without them.

One of the perks of being a vegetarian is that you will have less cravings. And I conclude that with less cravings you will be a happier person since you have lost another chance of being unhappy when you can't satisfy your cravings. Get what I mean? Like for example I won't crave for ramen, and thus reduced by chance of being unhappy when I can't satisfy my ramen cravings heh.

I do try to make/find vegetarian version of my favourite dishes. Well sadly I don't live in the US or Europe where they have vegan everything haha. But it's okay the simple vegetarian dishes I have everyday is good enough. As long as I can eat to keep my away from hunger, unlike many other people who can't feed themselves and their families on a daily basis. Be thankful yo!

Okay this is just really a random post about vegetarian bazhang haha. I hope you had some great bazhangs today too. Happy duan wu jie once again to those celebrating! :)

TIL - Stopping Time

Okay back on this month's TIL! Need to go back on track baby. Anyway I'm going to combine err April's and May's TIL because they're kind of in the same track? It's about time. It's about living in the present (which I was talking about in the previous post). So yeah, here goes!

Have you ever had those moments where you stare at your calendar, or you come to a realisation that like "Oh it's Friday already?" or like "OMG it's June tomorrow!" and so on. Basically you lost track of time and realised how each week/month/year is passing so quickly. At times you wish for it to slow down but as you grow up, you realise that it will never slow down but does the opposite.

It speeds up. Somehow.

I suppose we're all getting busier as we grow older. Work caught us up, life caught us up and so on. I realise with each passing year, every week passes really really quickly. It has become a norm for me to realise that I'm in Friday when it feels like yesterday when the week has just started. I am no longer sort of "surprised" to see how fast time is flying. Like oh it's Friday. Okay. Oh it's Monday tomorrow.

One of my favourite words from John Koenig Dictionary of Obscure Sorrow is "Zenosyne", which is the sense that time keeps on going faster. And one of the phrases in the video goes like "when we were young, we got so used to living in the present because we have nowhere else to go". Which is very true. As we grow up our days are filled with more things. And then so do our weeks, months, years, and so on. We have more "places" to go and visit to every day. And we lose track of time.

And with this, I realised one thing. We should all stop wishing for time to slow down, or hasten up. We should go along with it. And ride on its river flow. That's what I've been doing these days. I make sure I get to do whatever I need to do on the day. On the week, and so on. I feel accomplished whenever I do all of my tasks and well at the end of the day, all I can do is breathe a sigh of relief.

Stop wishing for time to slow down. We are all here now. This is a beautiful place that we get to visit only once. There's no way but up, no other way but forward. So lets go everyone.

Four

Yesterday was the 25th of May. A pretty special day for me ever since 4 years ago. Yep the day I returned home for good from Singapore! It was a day I used to dread back while I was still in Singapore. A day filled with uncertainties, sadness and worries. But well fast forward four years later, it has become a normal day. But also a day where I contemplate a lot about life, and my journey so far.

I have learned a lot in the past four years. So much, in fact, that I feel I've learned more in these four than the previous years haha. I've learned about life itself, and also a lot about myself. Discovering sides of me that I've never seen before, and also creating new sides of me. Uh huh.

I realised that as we grow up, we will experience many definition changes. We will redefine things that we think about, the things that we do. We will discover what matters and what doesn't, what is important and what isn't. We will prioritise things and so on. What we believed to be true may not be true after all. What we believed to never exist, suddenly appears in front of our eyes.

Life is an amazing journey of discoveries I suppose. Constant discoveries that we found and we apply and carry on in our lives. I think one of the greatest lessons and bliss that I found in these four years, is the meaning of living in the moment. The meaning of living in the present. About worrying less and "being here". Finding out the purpose of life and making full use of whatever we have here. The time, place and so on. Taking control of your life, your current life, wherever you are.

Taking control of it instead of simply just letting senseless hopes and fears take over your life.

I used to worry about the future, and hold on to the hopes and dreams that I have. Sure it is an amazing place we paint and loved to be in. But I realised something is more exciting and beautiful than that: Building it right here in the present! I used to also dwell in regrets. Caught in a dream about how my life will be if I were to know my regrets before the came knocking on my door to greet me.

I suppose... The present moment is like a lighthouse. Guiding us to get out of this limbo, this spot. It reminds us that we are ultimately the captain of this boat. We can take control of whatever we have now. The boat, the wind, the sun and everything else to bring us to wherever we want to go. Our destination won't bring itself to us! We gotta sail there. From here to there hah.

I suppose there is that sense of freedom as we plunge into the present moment. A place where we are unchained by the past and unbound from the future. I hope to be here, mindfully, all the time, as we make our way forward. Because it is truly a beautiful place we have to go through.

Well. It's been an interesting four years, seeing how my life unfolds. 

And here's to all the beautiful places we will go :)

Night Tea

 One of my tea cups. And the piano.

Not sure why but I've been having insomnia... Again! It's so annoying. Okay at least I always have a good, deep sleep. But somehow I just find it difficult to sleep. I'll just lie awake on my bed with eyes wide opened. I usually go to bed at about 5 AM and I can lie awake till 7. What kind of sorcery is this.

Although thanks to Facebook "On This Day" feature, I realise I've been having insomnia in May for almost.... Forever hah. As in I wrote a status about insomnia in almost every year, during May, in the same period. Quirky? Mysterious? I'm not sure. Maybe it has something to do with planetary alignment, earth's rotation and weather and everything else haha. Oh well, I kinda accepted my fate.

I used to wonder if it's because of my daily tea-drinking habit every night, before I sleep. So I bought myself some decaffeinated earl grey again, been drinking it for almost a month now but to no avail. It's stressful. But well hmm to me as long as I can get 6 hours of sleep at least, I'm kinda good.

But then again this leads me to another point which I wanna blog about today.

I don't think tea is the cause of my insomnia because I've been doing this... Since I can remember hah. I've been drinking tea before I sleep since I was in Singapore! Back in my secondary school days even. Okay maybe since secondary 4 when I have saved enough and can afford to buy my personal tea haha. I remember how I would heat the water in my electric kettle after I bathe, and after I finished I would brew some tea to drink while I'm studying (which is essentially before I sleep).

And come to think of it back in Singapore I would drink bitter tea. Like green tea and even black tea. And I have no problem with sleep. I remember that was one time where I really had a bad insomnia because I stupidly drank one litre of Pokka oolong tea like in the evening. I really couldn't sleep then. So yeah this got me wondering that maybe tea isn't the problem to my current insomnia.

Anyway I just wanna talk about my tea drinking habit in Singapore heh. Thinking about tea really reminds me of my Singapore days! Which... In 4 more days, it will mark my 4th year returning home. But yeah I just miss those days really. Okay I couldn't remember the secondary school tea-drinking days. Except for the fact that I like drinking Pokka Oolong tea, which my friends found weird cause it's bitter! :P Some of my friends share my joy of drinking that though mwahaha.

But yeah like my poly days, I remember them clearly. I even remember the tea I used to drink. It's mostly lipton hah. Sometimes I splurge on Twining and Dilmah. And a friend of mine even bought me TWG once! Most of the time though I always brew tea leaves instead of teabags. And I would throw away the tea leaves every morning to wash my cup before I go to school. Gosh, those were the days really. I can even remember the scenes haha. Morning, washing my cup with the late Mbak, talking about school and everything else. Then drying my cup and them Mbak will bring it into my room.

Every night I would eat dinner, bring my kettle to the kitchen while I wash my dishes, and then fill the kettle with water and put it inside the room to switch it on to boil. Then I'll leave to shower, and the water will be ready when I am done. I'll brew some tea in my cup. I even still remember my blue dragon cup with a in-built tea brewing compartment! I'll do work while I wait for my tea to brew and well, my night feels complete once everything is brewed. I can still remember where I usually put my cup.

Whew, memories, memories really.

I still do that today. Thankfully I don't have to do work while I wait for my tea to brew and drink it. Most of the time that is, sometimes I do work at this time hah. I remember I usually do work until 12 AM or so, and go to bed latest by 12:30/1, depends on workload. Thankfully in Poly I can wake up earliest by 6:45 ish. Since the earliest class starts at 8. Whew, I miss my poly days so much! Life was way simpler and easier then hahaha. But life has to go on I guess!

Okay that's all for today seriously random reminiscing post. I'm thinking of starting a new series called Random Memories where I talk about a particular memory of the past. Still thinking of a good name for the series though. Random memories sound so plain and boring, which is definitely not what my past is all about. Alright, gonna stop here! I hope you had a great weekend. The last few days of May is approaching and Ramadhan is coming. Time, where did you go to seriously.

Another Uncle!

So today my sister-in-law just gave birth to a beautiful girl! Congratulations to her and my brother for the birth of their 2nd child, and first daughter. Which also means that I'm officially another uncle to a beautiful niece! Man I feel old haha. But well it's life eh. I officially have a pair of nephews and nieces teehee. Man I can't wait to see them grow up. Must be nice seeing them running around :D

Well seeing my siblings having kids really make me realise how fast time is flying. I mean.. All of my siblings are now married, and have a family. Two of them already have kids. It's so crazy to think that it feels like yesterday when we were running around as kids! Ah well, life is life. It has to go on right.

Alright just a very short post to break this happy news. See you again! :)

Connections

So yesterday I saw the sad news of the passing of the drummer from one of my favourite post-rock bands, Moonlit Sailor. I was feeling shocked and sad to see the news, cause they're one of the first post-rock bands that I come across with, and I've been listening to their songs since 2010-ish. And to also know that the song "Hope" was something extra special to the drummer makes me even sadder because it is my favourite song from them! :( So I was spamming it last night heh.

I find it weird how whenever I hear a member of a band passed away, I will feel sad, even though we don't know each other personally. Well I haven't really experienced this. Maybe the last one was the devastating news of Viola Beach, which I just discovered them a few weeks before the accident.

Maybe it's this invincible/invisible connection that their music has with us? Like although we don't personally know each other, we are connected with each other via music. So naturally we'll feel sad to know that they are gone forever. Music is incredible isn't it! It binds us all together, unites us all.

Alright this is just a short post. I'd like to dedicate this post to Adam, the awesome drummer for Moonlit Sailor. Rest in Peace Adam, thank you for the music. Condolences to the band and his family.

:(

Happy Vesak Day 2017!

 Happy Vesak Day!

Yak butter candle at Pelko Chode Monastery, Tibet.

Today is Vesak Day in Indonesia, or Waisak as we call it. So I just want to wish everyone a Happy Vesak Day! Sabbe Sata Bhavantu Sukhitata, may all living things be happy!

As we commemorate the birth, enlightenment and death of the Buddha today, it is also a day in which I contemplate a lot about Buddhism. As weird as this may sound, Buddhism is really a religion that has ruined my life in a very very good way haha. I like Timber Hawkeye's decription of Buddhism. Or its teachings to be exact. It's like a wiper of a car. It clears off the water on the window during rain and make the glass clear again. So that we can see better. And I totally agree with that.

How has Buddhism ruined my life? Okay like I mentioned a few times, I've only started to know Buddhism closer in 2012-ish. That's when I started to dig more to the Dharma (the teachings of the Buddha). And from then onwards I start to dissect Sutras and so on. Last year I was reading a lot on the Prajnaparamita Sutra, which is a sutra I really enjoy, and learned a lot about life from.

Before all of these, I have a "fixated" state of mind about how I should live my life, and how I will be happy. And this state, now, I would call it my ego. I have this belief that my life should be this way and that way. Anything apart from these ways would cause me unhappiness. And I would feel miserable whenever I'm "forced" to go to this way. As I learned in Buddhism, this is called the relative truth. It is permanent. But as one of the cores of Buddhist teachings say, nothing is permanent.

Studying and reading more Buddhist teachings have taught me a lot about the reality of phenomenon. And in turn, they taught me to live a happier life and how to live my life to the fullest. Things like impermanence, non-self, emptiness, relative vs absolute truth and so on, all these things connect together to form a line that ties every misconceptions I have in life. And then straighten them out.

I feel like the Dharma has "ruined" all these little concepts I have in life which I believe to be true, and I hold on dearly. Not knowing that these concepts bring me more suffering than happiness. 

I would say that actually Buddhism is a "harsh" religion. Not the literal way, but how the teachings of the Buddha is really trying to break us free from our ego. And this is something very difficult to do. The Buddha also didn't sugar-coat his words. He just tells the truth, and the rest is up to us to finish them or not. And that's one more thing I love about Buddhism. Is that there is no "absolute way" to follow the Dharma. I feel like the Dharma is a set of instructions, but how we carry them out, is up to us.

Like the Buddha didn't say "you have to do this, if not you're wrong". The Buddha just say "fill your life with love". How do we do this? "Don't hurt anyone, don't tell lies, don't take part if misconduct" etc. As for the sutras... Well they are a little bit more complicated than the discourses. We have to get extra help to dissect them haha. This is why there are commentaries by Buddhist masters.

So yeah. Today we celebrate the life of the Buddha. For whom without him, all of these words won't be heard worldwide. The Dharma will not flow, and its wheel will not turn. Thank you for your teachings and I will try my very best, as always, to practice the Dharma till I reach Nirvana.

Here's to the religion that has ruined my life in an extremely good way!

Happy Vesak Day once again, and may all living things be happy :)

Stillness

Something weird/incredible happened yesterday. Actually I'm not even sure if this is can be called an incredible thing when it involves me getting hurt hahaha. But it's kinda weird too.

Okay so what happened was on Sunday, I went out to another place near the farm. It's a place I've never been before. As I was parking the car, there was a stray dog who approached the car. She looked so happy with her wagging tail and butt. She even climbed onto my door looking excited. No barks, nothing. But as I opened the door she went away and went to chill in another spot further from me.

As I was leaving the place, I went to her and patted her head. Which she then.. Bit me T_T

Okay it wasn't a bite, it's like those warning bites? She was just placing her teeth on my hand. She didn't bite my hand with force. I wasn't hurt but it was just sore. No blood nothing, thankfully heh.

The interesting thing that happened was... I was super calm about it. I didn't react to the bite (okay except for retracting my hand). I didn't shout in pain, or try to shoo the dog away. I just stood in front of her and stared at her. I looked at my hand to check for blood etc but there wasn't any. Then I went inside my car and drove back to the farm. I was... Pretty calm about it. I was surprised too. 

I realised this at the end of the day when I reached home. Like why was I so still? Why was I so calm heh. Like yes I was feeling sore and so on but I didn't react at all. I wonder if this is the result of three years of meditation haha. Okay well at that point all I have in my mind was that "full" realisation that a dog had bit me. I wasn't bleeding, and that's it. Is this what mindfulness is all about?

It felt quite amazing to be honest to realise that we have the ability to control our reaction. And not let our innate nature take a wild and random reaction to it. I suppose this is what mindfulness is. To realise everything that is happening at that moment. And see its blatant emptiness. Without reaction, without adding any other unnecessary stuff to the moment. And what you get in return, is a serendipity that you can fully bask and experience in that one short moment. No suffering, nothing.

Although err after I returned home I was worried that I might get rabies haha. Okay there was no blood and I suppose that's fine. Also I washed my hand right away after I reached the farm. And I'm feeling okay now sooooo yeah. Let's not be unnecessarily paranoid haha. I think not... I hope not.

But anyway yeah, this was a very random post. I just want to share with you how blissful it was to experience this serendipity. I've never felt this way before. I hope I can approach things in this matter.

Travel Sounds

I don't know why but I love listening to the sounds of transportation passing by. Be it the sound of a car/motorcycle in the distance passing by. Or the sound of train coming into my hometown every morning at about 6 AM. And my favourite one is the sound of planes passing by above me at night. I usually track them by using the flightradar app hah. It's kinda comforting? Weird I know.

It reminds me of travel and far away places. Places I create in my mind, as I wonder where these vehicles are going. The planes remind me of the excitement I have whenever I'm on a plane, traveling to somewhere new. Looking out of the window, wondering how the place will look and feel like. The nerves, joy and anticipation of traveling. Being somewhere new. But of course, feeling all of these in the comfort of my room, as I'm sitting down on my chair or something. Or when laying on my bed.

I was just at the farm earlier at as always, the farm is so so quiet. Life felt so blissful there, especially at night when you can hear nothing else but the sound of crickets and other critters. And the sounds of motorcycles and cars zooming by in the distance. This moment feels very blissful for me. In the silence of the night, sitting still, quiet, and chancing upon these sounds. Kinda serendipitous in a way.

It's kind of like the simple joys in life, the little random things that occur to us that we kinda enjoy. 

And I think one of the easiest and best ways to enjoy life is to have all these moments and enjoy to the fullest. We seem to live in a world where we define and quantify our "happiness". And when we fail to reach this "quantity", we equate them to unhappiness. But yeah when we try to enjoy these little random moments throughout our day, week, month and so on, life will be better I suppose?

As they say, the happiest people don't have everything, they make the best out of everything!

TIL - Holding On

It's the first of May today which means it's... May Day May Day. Okay that was pretty lame. But yes it's a holiday here as well and it was a pretty much chill day for me! Had some guests coming over and that's about all. It's the end of the three consecutive long weekends. Whew.

Okay I just realised that I didn't do my TIL series in March... And I think I should stop that habit. So I'm gonna do two TILs, one for March and one for April. And May at the end of this month. I have 30 more days to go mwahaha. Hmm it's a very short and simple one actually.

In March, I learned something about hope. To be more exact, not losing it. I've always believed that the only thing you should hold on tightly to in life is hope. Just the thought that things will change for the better. The thought that things will happen the way you want them to be. It is infuriating, I know, to hold on to something when things don't seem the way they are going for you.

It's like driving against the current. You're struggling and it feels good to think how life will be much easier to just let everything go and let the current drag you away to the unknown. But it's quite scary too when you think about it, because you don't know where the current will take you.

2016 was pretty tough. But somehow everything unraveled into a beautiful epilogue in March. Out of the sudden, out of the blue. Nothing prepares us for this, and it truly felt like the universe has planned everything for us. Despite us feeling pretty frantic and worried most of 2016. 

I read a lot about depression stories. How lots and lots of people committed suicide, or attempted them, because they feel that things are not getting better and better. So they decided to end everything once and for all. 2016 felt like that for me. And then they share about how people around them are encouraging to hold on and to have faith. But depression is depression. It's a voice from the inside that really fucks everything up. It's how much you resist these voices, to hope for the better.

Faith is a funny thing. It's like the sun shining bright, but as long as there is the sun, and there is you, a shadow will be cast. Wherever you go, it will follow. I think it's human nature. But if the light gets brighter, the shadow will disappear. It's really how much you can make this light shine brighter than the shadows we cast. Okay hmm am I making any sense actually hahaha.

Well yeah, it can get pretty tiring. But please, don't lose hope. Life will always find a way.