21

Right so here I am writing this as an officially-turned 21 year old guy. Sweet! Do I feel special? No. Do I feel weird? No. Do I feel old? No (yes). I suppose turning 21 feels pretty much normal, in fact as normal as how my birthday went. Nothing special except for a nice dinner with my aunts and cousins. It's quite funny how most people take this particular age as a special age. Well perhaps yes because we're mostly "legal" for many stuff now woohoo!

But well yeah I feel pretty much normal I suppose. I see a few of my friends posting "OMG I'm turning 21 next year/month/week/today [inserts sad/shocked/scared face]". Well I guess of course we are all afraid to know that we're growing old every birthday. But hey don't worry you're not the only one turning 21 and neither you're the only one growing old. So cheer up and be happy! We're growing old together weeeee! So don't worry.

Well I guess for me turning 21 is a rather exciting event. Because one, I'm closer to the final destination we're heading to. Two, I can't wait to see how the rest of my life look like. And lastly yeah perhaps about the legal thing. I get to watch R21 movies ouyeah (no please don't judge me haha). Just kidding but yeah I guess we're more able to do more stuff now? That's a nicer way to put it. But well I guess this also means I'm getting involved in the social world.

Paying taxes and thinking about the future. Managing your money and career and so on.

You see whenever my birthday comes, I would see it as a new year. A new beginning. You know like at every year-end I would reflect how the year has been. So just like a "year" at the and of my "age" I reflect on how my "age" has been. So from turning 20 last year I guess I have done quite a lot of stuff till now. Learned a lot and achieved a lot.

I think the biggest achievement of the 20th year of existence would be graduating from Singapore Polytechnic. And to be exact finishing with my Final Year Project (FYP) and worst still soloing it. But of course I'm not alone because I have the guidance from my lovely mentor Dr Simon Tan and the support (both academically and emotionally) from my peers. So 20 was quite a challenging year. But it was all worth it I suppose?

In the twenty was also my first time living alone in Singapore as my sister has previously returned back to Indonesia. Living alone was quite tough at times especially with the homesickness and so on. But was also a fun one because I have to take care of my well being, both in terms of health and mind. Planning my meals, doing things which keep me happy and so on. In the twenty, I discovered the joy and happiness, and the value of being lonely.

Living alone sure has taught you how to be happy by yourself. And how to be create happiness from nothingness and from yourself (thanks to the Dalai Lama book which I read last year, The Art of Happiness). I've had nice moments of being solitary. From going to parks alone, chilling in Starbucks alone and of course the greatest achievement I've had was to travel alone to Bali for my solo graduation trip. Which was really really, a lovely experience.

In the twenty, was also a year of change. Because it is the age where I left Singapore for good after spending 11 years studying there. Which is really a sad parting to do but well, life has to go on. I've decided to head back after earning my diploma to help out my parents. And with this sad fact I'm thankful for everything that I had in Singapore. But most importantly it's the relationship. The Friendship that I have made with so many people here.

Being alone is a nice thing - but knowing you're not alone is better.

Whew, so many things happened in this past year huh? Just one year, from twenty to twenty one. So many things have happened. I too have perhaps changed in a few ways and I think I'm very fine with that. Because change is the only constant in this world. So yeah, there's my point about growing up - you don't know what great and not-so-great things that can happen within one year that will shape you as who you are today. 

A year ago I was blogging in the comfort of my room in Singapore. A year later I'm blogging in the comfort of my room back in my hometown. And hmm I don't know where I will blog next year. In a new house (yeah right I wish)? Maybe overseas? Maybe... I don't know. I guess this is the thing that makes life so exciting. You don't know what's gonna come and how exciting things will be! But at the same time well there are days where we will be afraid of the dark days.

Well I know it's hard but I always try to be optimistic everytime, everyday. Life is never beautiful without some dark days. So yep, I know there will be some dark days and some bright and sunny ones. We just need to learn how to picnic during the sunny days and how to dance in the rain during the stormy days. In this way, then we won't need to be afraid what if there are 3 consecutive dark days ahead of us and that we'll be gloomy for 3 days.

Like my favourite principle of existence in Buddhism, Anicca, nothing is permanent!

And so is life. So live it to the fullest :)

Anyway, I guess 21 is the age of reality. Why do I say so? I guess this is really the age where we face life with a quiet smile and at the same time we are filled with loud doubts. Seems to me like the teenage years (15 - 19/20) are the nice years where we feel that life is so beautiful and that what we wanna do can be so achievable. But when we hit the twentys that's when we realised we're trapped between doing what we love, and doing what we have to do.

21 is the age where many factors will come inside and mix like a beautiful concoction of a harmless poison. In our mind it's still a poison and we're afraid of it. But it's really harmless. It's the age where we consider things very carefully and at the same time we are trying our best for our tongues to taste its sweetness but being surrounded by many bitterness. We're trying to tell ourselves to be happy, to do what we love, and at the same time be filled with doubts.

I guess it's pretty normal really.

I myself have been asking myself the same question, and telling myself the same thing. Seems weird how reality and dreams now are colliding in a beautiful way. Reality tells me that my dreams will not come true but dreams shout a quiet whisper that there's nothing wrong with holding onto them. So yeah, it is also the age where I consider, and think and also find a solution to how I can make reality and dreams something that can intertwine together like a beautiful tapestry.

Sure, I may not do what I want as my head has planned it for the past few years and I've been constantly blocked with many road blocks. My I will still hand onto my dreams like a pollen grain holding tightly to a body of a bee, waiting to be dropped onto a stigma and turn into a beautiful fruit everyone can savour. Because dreams are dreams until they become a reality.

I may not do what I planned to do, but I will keep on doing what I love doing.

So as of now, I'm 21. How will the next year go by, nobody knows. But well 2013 has so far been a year of change. Continuously changing in the most erratically beautiful way. So well yup I can't wait for the year end where I can do another reflection of how this changeful year has been. And yup, I can't wait to see what who I am when I turn 22. It's gonna be interesting and well yeah, funny too cause surely I will read this again next year heh.

Alright I'm 21 now.

And I hope  for a great year ahead, and to become a healthier, wiser and happier person in the year to come. May 21 be a greater one than 20.

And to my friends turning 21 and feeling afraid, or everyone else feeling afraid of growing a number on your age (like everybody else)

Age is just a number

Age is not a label we put on our heads

Age is however a reminder that tells us where we are in this life.

Happy (belated) birthday to me.