Saturday, 15 May 2021

Age

Continuing from yesterday's post, you know I find something funny in this year's Lebaran holiday haha. 

Okay so before the holiday I actually came up with a list of movies to watch on Netflix and Mola. I was planning to stay up late to catch them during the holiday. But guess what, I spent the first three nights of the holiday actually sleeping earlier! Okay well not exactly intentionally but more of falling asleep. Like when I returned to my room I did tell myself that "okay lets go watch a movie" but I ended up sleeping.

On the other hand, this is probably the first time in a month that I get to experience 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep! It was bliss. I did wake up like once but that's just to use the toilet. To use the toilet and to also decide that I want to go back to sleep again haha. And yup I ended up sleeping for 7-8 hours. There was once (I think it was on Tuesday/Wednesday) where I slept from 3 AM to 11 AM!

Well yeah I haven't been sleeping well the past one month. Part of it is probably a curse that I get where I usually experience insomnia every May. I don't know why heh. But yeah it seems like age is catching up on me. I've been making decisions that benefit my body. And I no longer act recklessly and pretend that I'm "young" and "free" haha. Perhaps I should continue doing this.

Part of me still deny myself, thinking that I'm still that "young" Adhi that enjoys and love to "rebel" against my sleep to do other things. I mean okay I'm still young, but yeah age is catching up on me.

Alright continuing about travel on another post. 

Friday, 14 May 2021

Selamat Hari Raya Idul FItri 1442H!

Hello hello, look who's back after one month hahaha. Yes it's been a long time, but here I am anyway! It's the 2nd day of Lebaran here so here's me wishing all Muslims around the world Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri 1442H! Eid Mubarak everyone, I hope everyone had a great 2 first two days of Syawal.

Anyway yes here I am, it's been so long since I've blogged. So many things happened in the 2nd half of April. Thus I haven't been able to blog. Pretty busy with so many things so yeah. Currently enjoying my 4th day of the Lebaran holiday now. A pretty welcomed break indeed. I always wish this break would never end but well life goes on right. I guess I will just enjoy the holiday as much as I can :)

Favourite thing about the Lebaran holiday is definitely the art of doing nothing haha. Prior to the holiday I've always been preoccupied with a lot of things. So it feels pretty good to -do nothing-. I wish I can -think nothing- too but that's kinda impossible eh haha. You know things like spending the afternoon laying on bed listening to music, basking in the afternoon heat and just chilling out. 

I can't do this on normal days!

Coupled with the silence surrounding me, everything feels so peaceful and lovely. Especially yesterday. The first day of Syawal (AKA first day of Eid) is probably the quietest day of the year for us. It's just so quiet, perhaps everyone is tired from Takbiran and visiting relatives and friends (even though this year it's kinda prohibited). So the night is pretty quiet. Even my worker says it's so quiet at night. There's no cars heard passing through for a long period of time. When usually the street is busy.

I think we can all agree that the past two years, Ramadhan and Eid felt pretty off thanks to the pandemic. Well I just really hope that everything can go back to the way it once used to be next year. The world has suffered a lot in the past one and a half years. I hope we can all go back to normal. But then again, sometimes "normal" is what we shouldn't go back to. I hope we can "return" to a better world we can all live in. Cause this pandemic has exposed many flaws that we all have.

Alright I guess that's all from me today. As usual I wish I can blog more during the holiday. But whenever I say this, it never happens haha. I'll come back to write soon. I hope! :P

Thursday, 1 April 2021

Hello

Surprise surprise, look who's back! After just writing one post for March hahaha. Anyway ya'll understand okay haha. Been really busy this whole month of March, so many things were happening so yeah. Also I have a new habit now - sleeping earlier. Which is something I should be thankful for I guess? But this new habit has an erratic pattern. I don't do this everyday. It's an on and off kind of thing.

First thing first - events. So last week we finally launched a new project. This is something we've been working on for almost 9 months and it's finally here. We have decided to convert the farm into a housing estate! Sounds crazy? Well not really. Somehow I can foresee this way many years back. More on that later on another post but yes. This is what I've been crazy busy about.

Second - sleep. So yes I've been falling asleep earlier these days. Not exactly by will, but more of by falling asleep. I usually fell asleep for 2-3 hours, woke up, and then not being able to sleep for another 1-3 hours, and then falling asleep again. Which is annoying. So I made a new habit where I just force myself to sleep straight for 7-8 hours. So I slept earlier, and also woke up earlier. Which isn't bad.

Also we've been having meetings in the noon so I gotta wake up earlier anyway. This is something good I guess because I've been trying to change my habit. But at the same time it's a loss too - because I have less time to do the things that I want to do. Like blogging. And watching movies on Netflix. And journaling. And so on. I guess I have to change my habit here and there, and my schedule.

So mind the not-blogging-for-a-long-time.

But as always, I'm not pressurising myself to blog. It's a weird thing though, to not do something that you've been doing for a long time as often as usual. But life happens I guess.

Alright that's all for this mini update. I will see you soon. I hope.

Tuesday, 2 March 2021

One Year of Pandemic

Today is the 2nd of March 2021. Which means it's been a year since Indonesia announced our first 3 cases of COVID-19. One full year of a pandemic, pretty crazy isn't it. In true Indonesian fashion,

Selamat Ulang Tahun COVID-19 di Indonesia
Semoga pendek umur, dan sengsara selalu

I basically just wished Indonesia's COVID-19 a happy birthday and may it live shortly and be miserable always HAHAHA. Although also today, it's just been announced that the British mutation variant has been found in Indonesia. Two cases of it. Seriously what a great "gift" for its first birthday.

Anyway yes it's been a wild year for all of us here in Indonesia. I've tasted the bitterness of this pandemic. And don't really remember tasting any of its sweetness. Perhaps apart from "nature returning" and also having less pollution because of reduced movement. Indonesia and the world have endured a lot in this pandemic. I wish it will all come to an end pretty soon. It's been a tiring year for us.

This pandemic has killed our flower business. I have to lay off my workers, and I have also lost one of our best people due to the virus. Even though we managed to switch to vegetable farming, it was just so painful to see our flowers unharvested. These flowers which we've planned so well and tirelessly grown for the auspicious month of Rajab and for Hari Raya to be left alone in the greenhouses.

That was when Jakarta went into partial lockdown, and events and weddings were all cancelled. Back in March I foolishly was still hopeful that the situation will get better in May (for Hari Raya). But boy was I wrong. And hopelessness after hopelessness, with a heavy heart I stopped our flower productions in April. We last planted our flowers in April, this was the remaining seedlings that we had.

After that we tried to maintain our nursery. But seeing how the condition isn't improving in June, we decided to just cut our nursery and plant the remaining seedlings. And once again, hopelessness after hopelessness, things were not improving. We lost Pa Irwan in August. Co-incidentally it was also the last time that we delivered flowers. A week after his passing. From then on, no more flowers.

I tried to maintain my workers. We rotated them (letting them work on alternate weeks), just to make sure they still earn some money. But in September we couldn't sustain it anymore. Our customers have paid most of their purchases and there's no way I can sustain my workers. With a heavy heart, I laid off about 80% of our workers. All of them are day-labourers, so they were only getting paid if they have work to do. But I still gifted them with a farewell gift. Hoping to end this on a sweet note.

The vegetables sales were doing quite well. But everything has to come to a stop in the middle of October-November ish. This is for another time haha. I know the virus has been pretty brutal on all of us. But once again I am reminded that everything is in a constant flux. Everything keeps on going and changing. The pandemic might have ended our flower business, but a new chapter is unfolding now.

Anyway on another hand, I have also witnessed the effects of this pandemic to the rest. Firstly, when China went into lockdown, our material supplier for the factory was also forced to close. We placed an order back in November 2019, hoping that it will be delivered to us by end of February. Due to the lockdown, we ended up receiving the order in JUNE! That's because the factory was closed and only reopened in April. And this reopening wasn't full either. So yeah.

Due to this our material supply kinda went haywire. And also back in November last year there was some shipping crisis around the world (and China). We placed an order in September, thinking it will be delivered in end November. It ended up being delivered in January and February. Crazy! Apparently it's because of the pandemic. When China reopened in July, many people were ordering to China. Due to the high demands, the ships were all out, and they become rare to transit in China. Or something like this. Because of this, shipping costs have increased, and so do our material's price.

On the uglier side of things, I've seen the worst in us in the pandemic. I remember how back in March everyone was hoarding masks and sanitizers and food supplies. Then some people were reselling masks at exorbitant prices. I understand that we were all in crisis mode. But to really disregard the plight of others, it's kinda ridiculous isn't it. And of course worst of all, the news where our minister of social affair was arrested for corruption of donations for the poor. That's really fucked up.

I have also seen how ignorant many of us are. From spreading hoaxes, to spreading unverified information, and believing in them. We really seem to take an illusionary comfort in our ignorance. And it isn't helping us, or others. I think we should all have a revolution in the way we educate our children. Make science a priority or something? So that people have basic knowledge of viruses and vaccines.

And how some of my country's leaders were taking things way too lightly in the beginning of the pandemic. I'm pretty sure things could have been very different if they take things slightly more seriously. I am glad that our current health minister is a data guy. I think we need realist leaders. Realist leaders that believe in science and see things in data, especially in such health crisis. 

Of course, not all things were dark and gloomy. I have also seen the goodness in people. People who helped others in times of crisis. People who selflessly raise funds and donate food to other people. People supporting one another on their businesses, especially now where everyone goes online. 

COVID-19 has put us in the dark. The world was plunged into chaos. And I often wonder why does this happen to us. I hate to say this and I think it's unfair for me to say this. But what if COVID-19 was meant to happen anyway. Sometimes I feel it's the result of our ignorance. The way we treat this planet and its inhabitants, non-human and humans alike. The result of our ignorance when the virus break out. And of course our ignorance as it breaks out. Refusing to adhere to protocols and so on.

I do understand this is a tricky matter. For my country at least, we have been struggling with choice of health, or economy, or people. Three of which are interconnected to one another. Choose one, the other will struggle, and so on. Perhaps we can all learn from this for future pandemic. What to do, and I hope we can all prepare better. If we still continue to treat this planet the way we used to treat it, then COVID-19 won't be the last pandemic we'll encounter. Some say it's just a dress rehearsal.

I'd like to remind everyone that 3 out of 4 emerging diseases come from animals. 

And on a lighter note, people are now getting vaccinated. The healthcare workers of my hometown have been vaccinated, and most are now getting their 2nd doses. Now we're vaccinating the elderlies and other workers. There's a shimmering light appearing on the horizon now. But no, we are not out of the storm yet. We just got to be vigilant and patient I guess. But the storm will pass. As always.

So where do we go from here?

Monday, 22 February 2021

El Invento

 

I'm currently hooked on this new song by Jose Gonzales. It's titled El Invento (The Invention) and I think it's such a beautiful song. Also Jose singing in Spanish really suits his voice. The lyrics of this song is truly something else too! So touching, and it's definitely added in my "songs that make you cry" list. Welcome back Jose! Somehow 2021 feels a tad better with your return haha.

Here's the lyric to the song and the translation too.

El Invento                                             The Invention

Y por agradecer                                    And for thanking
Lo extraño de simplemente ser            The strangeness of simply being
Un alma curiosa singular                      A curious singular soul
Compleja en su calma y tempestad     Complex in its calmness and its storm

Dime por qué será                                Tell me why is it so
Dime por dónde vas                             Tell me where you're going
Dime                                                     Tell me

Y en el amanecer                                 And at dawn
Cuando todo va cambiando de color   When everything changes colour
Y vemos aparecer un mundo               And we see appear a world
Lleno de belleza y de dolor                  Full of beauty and pain

Dime por qué será                               Tell me why is it so
Dime por dónde vas                             Tell me where you're going
Dime de dónde somos                         Tell me where we're from
Dime                                                     Tell me
Y dime por qué será                             Tell me why is it so
Dime en dónde estamos                      Tell me where you're going
Y dime por qué                                     And tell me why

Y por pertenecer                                  And for belonging
A la gente del libro                               To the people of the book
Pretendiendo entender                        Pretending to know
Los enigmas del universo                   The enigmas of the universe

Sunday, 21 February 2021

I'm Here (II)

Continuing from my previous post!

Recently I've been thinking about finding this "middle ground" in life. For example as it goes in my previous post, how I feel like somedays life feels like a struggle between telling yourself that you're here for a reason, and there's no reason for you to be here. As a human being who's caught in the never ending search for the meaning of life, I've always been intrigued with this question. 

Like why are we here? Or is there no reason for me to be here? But then again I tell myself, perhaps we don't need to find a reason to be here. And neither do we need life to give us a reason to be here. Perhaps, I just need to tell myself "I'm Here". That is all. 

And recently last week, there were so many things happening at the same time that I ask myself why are things all happening at the wrong timing? But then again I ask myself, what if they are all happening at the right timing. We just don't know yet. There's a recent video from Einzelganger about when things are falling apart, they're actually falling into place (I'll write another post about this!). And then I wonder if things are truly falling into place for me, despite them being so chaotic.

Then... I tell myself again. Perhaps I just need to tell myself that "Things happen". Regardless whether they are happening at the wrong time, right time or not. But they happen. And I also realise most of these things are beyond my control. It's not that I make these things happen too me.

After all these questions, I am suddenly remembered one of my favourite quotes from Rumi. 

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there"

This question of mine is answered somewhat by this quote. This "field" that Rumi is talking about probably talks about this middle ground I'm looking for. Between existing for a reason and having no reason to be here, between telling yourself things are happening at the right timing or wrong timing, and so on and forth, there is a field that signifies all of this. And we ought to be there. You know.

So yeah perhaps we should see things in a broader perspective. Not just one, especially one that is created by our mind, even though we don't know its truth or significance yet. Or most importantly we should see things happening as they are. And then learn what we can take from these things.

Perhaps this is the beautiful struggle people are talking about in life?

Sunday, 14 February 2021

I'm Here


Somedays, life feels like a struggle between telling yourself you're here for a reason and there's no reason for you to be here. Perhaps we don't need to find a reason to be here. And neither do we need life to give us a reason to be here. Perhaps we just need to tell ourselves I'm here. That's all.