Loneliness // Aloneness

It's apparently some Single's day today, which is a weird day to begin with. A day to celebrate being single? A day for singles to down their sorrow by shopping? Hahaha. I'm not sure. But lets talk about something related to being single - loneliness! I wouldn't deem it as a negative thing tho.

I recently saw a IG story of an Instagrammer I followed and he was discussing about a book, I forgot the title but it's about being alone. And he mentioned about how he often doesn't realise that he does a lot of things alone. And that really strike a chord inside of me. Because I kinda do the same!

Okay I'm not completely alone here. I have my family and so on. But compared to my days in Singapore, I have become someone who's way less socially active heh. I have adapted a routine that revolves around work and family and so on. As for my social activity, it's almost close to none hah.

I mean the only people I interact with are my family and my workers. I don't have any friends here. Which is fine, I mean we're all adults now and my friends here are either married or working out of town. And of course, my close friends are all in Singapore and that's okay too. 

I don't necessarily feel lonely at all here. Perhaps I have gotten used to being alone; even way back when I was still in Singapore. There are moments where I do realise that I am alone. Like on weekends I would just spend it at home, alone in my room. Journaling, blogging, listening to music and so on. And it's not something bad for me. I kinda enjoy it and it's something that I live with.

But there are days where I also think about the future - if my life will remain like this forever. And the thought of changing this with the addition of somebody else. Will I enjoy it more? Or will my peace be disturbed heh. I'm not socially dismissive tho! Like I'm fine with human interactions heh.

Just that I feel as I grow older, I am more inclined to have interactions that matter. I really have no time for small talks and conversations that get me nowhere. Hollow relationships and so on.

You see I still see myself staying single forever. I am not worried about not finding someone heh. But at the same time I'm also having an open mind about being in a relationship. Although to be honest all these years, the former still reign supreme in my heart. I enjoy being alone - without being lonely!

I don't really like the idea/thought that we all need a partner in our lives. Like we have to be in a relationship and so on. I hope I don't sound crude but I have a philosophy that we need to be able to be happy with ourselves first. Because if we rely on other people for happiness, trust me, we'll be miserable. But of course I'm not saying that we should all be single haha. It's just me.

I also don't like the idea that a couple "completes each other". I think we're all whole as human beings but our companion should complete each other, not our union. I hope you get what I mean.

I had a conversation about this once - someone asked me "who's going to take care of you when you're old?" Well my answer to that is - myself! Hahaha. Like well I would love to learn how to take care of myself, and how to be self sufficient. Then I can rely on myself and not anyone else. Until the day arrives where I can no longer take of myself. Then that's another problem to think about heh.

Which is why all in all, I don't see loneliness as a negative thing. Or perhaps I don't really like to call it loneliness but solitude. The art of being alone is something difficult to learn. But I'm eager to master!