Hollow

 You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

-Charlie Chaplin-

Hi everyone! Currently writing this in my hometown. Yes I'm back, and... Things feel really different. Let me tell you more as I go along this post. I think life feels really different and so on, but life is life, and in three words we sum it as "it goes on". So I guess I'll just have to let things go and get used to this weird thing and then move along. I'll be just fine I suppose.

Well it occurs to me that since I got back here, I feel really empty, hollow. When I woke up on Saturday morning, things felt weird. I woke up with a realisation that although I'm here for a "holiday", I know that this holiday will end but it won't be followed with school. And I can put it that it will be followed by work. It feels very different and weird at the same time.

I woke up knowing that I will no longer have school at the end of this. That there's no assignment waiting for me to finish, or projects, or a new term waiting for me at the end of this holiday. I will no longer return to Singapore, to the life I've been living for the past three years for poly, or one year, for living alone. And all these realisation feels really weird.

So for the past two days, waking up feels like a really weird affair for me. Because of all of these thoughts. The feeling is so surreal and just weird.

A mixture of feelings I'm having.

Even throughout the day, my mind has been empty and just filled with all these thoughts that I'm having. For the past two days, it's been a day-dreamy one for me. Whereby I think of the future, reminisce the past but at the same time, reminding myself that life can only be lived to the fullest when we live in the present. Ironic much but yes, that's the truth right?

I guess it all comes down to once again, one of the three principles of existence in Buddhism. The contemplation of impermanence. I'm pretty sure this is just a stage that I'm going through. The transitional stage from my life in Singapore and my life here back at home. And like everything else, it will not exist forever and it will one day come to an end. I'll just wait.

Nevertheless, I seriously miss my life in Singapore. And to just think of how much I'm going to miss it even more in the future just hurts me more. But once again, the three words that can sum up life - it goes on. And I always remember a saying from a Tibetan video I found in Youtube too.

A foetus in a mother's womb cannot past longer than its intended pregnancy. 

Which means, like I said, nothing can last forever.

Oh well I'll just need time to adapt I suppose. So in the meantime, I'll just wait.