Well as mentioned above, this has been a weird and interesting decade for me. The first half of it was really fun, exciting and happening. And the other half went a bit dark and flat. I don't really know how to put it into words but yeah. It's really like light and dark kind of decade heh.
I think I spent this decade really both going "all out" and "all in". I tried many things, I exposed myself to a lot of new things, some of which I didn't imagine myself doing. I experienced many things, I went through many thoughts and I touched many feelings and emotions. And all of these have truly shaped me to become who I am today. Whether I like them or not, whether I choose them or not.
In the process I discovered who I am. I get to know myself better. I become vulnerable to my own thoughts and emotions. I learned how to trust the unknown. I went through some dark times. I got sucked into its vortex, and now I'm still struggling to get out of it at times. I become friends with my own darkness. And now I'm learning to dance with my own shadows (thanks Hindia).
I learned to choose to become a realist instead of an optimist. I am still learning to see the emptiness in everything. I have learned and accepted that everything is impermanent. I learned that to be happy we need to let go. I learned not to be friends with my ego. I learned that the true nature of myself is ever changing and unfixed. I become closer with Buddhism, and I am glad I did.
I still feel lost at times. I still crave for certainty in this uncertain world. I still get worried about the future. As much as I'm learning to stay in the present. I learn to trust the universe. I still believe that I am being brought somewhere that I'm meant to be. I still believe that there's still much more to life. Even though I spent a great number of days thinking how dull and dark the future is.
I am still learning what it means to be a human. A weird creature walking on earth. Vulnerable, weak and strong. Trapped in the abyss of time. Not knowing what's coming. Not being able to change what has passed. A product of all the actions that he has done. The emotions he has felt. And more.
I don't really know what's ahead of me. How the next decade will be. But I've learned not to be too hopeful. And take it each day by day. Year by year. Eventually decade by decade. Although to be honest... I'm quite excited for what's ahead. Everything can happen. Just like all the things that have happened in this past decade. Which I didn't expect of doing, and going through.
Here's to a wonderful new decade for all of us. Keep going everyone.
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