Aware

 Be still

Right I've been wanting to blog about this for quite some time. I suppose it's a good time to blog now, since it's the end of the year! Well I'm gonna talk about something I've been doing throughout the year now. In fact, something I've been doing for 1.5 years. It's about meditation!

I started meditating back in July 2014, after reading Sogyal Rinpoche's The Tibetan Book of The Dead and Living. Actually I only began properly meditating in September-ish, since I was still meditating on and off cause of my Iceland trip and also I wasn't that focused yet. Well I decided to carry on this new habit of mine to the new year, and I've been meditating almost every day of the year now! There are some days when I didn't meditate, like when I travel or when I'm sick. I can safely say that out of 365 days of this year, the number of days which I didn't meditate won't hit 20 (or 30).

I used to meditate back when I was in Singapore. But I only meditate when I want to. It wasn't something I "practised". Also, after reading the book and other materials, I realised how terribly wrong my technique was. So I used to believe that the aim of meditation is to empty your mind. But I realised that your mind is so awesome. The more you tried to empty it, the more it will fill itself up with things.

The key to meditation is to be aware of your thoughts, and then let it go. Don't cling onto them! I always remember the words of Shunryu Suzuki Roshi who said "In meditation, leave your front door and back door open. Let thoughts come and go, just don't serve them tea!". So yes, just let whatever arised in your mind go, and don't let it go wild like an untamed beast running freely.

To be honest, I was very skeptical and I was unsure myself. How does sitting in your room, letting go of whatever thoughts that came to your mind, would help you. All I know is that from the sources I read, from people I talk with (like my uncle, who's an avid meditation practitioner) and books, they all come to a conclusion that meditation will train your awareness and help you to become more mindful.

I still don't get it. What do you mean by being mindful? Being aware?

But well, I went ahead and tried it myself. I remember the first time I meditate, I was super ambitious by telling myself that I will meditate for 30 minutes. I couldn't even sit still for 5 minutes heh. I kept on looking at the clock, I kept on fidgeting, and it felt difficult. Then I remember Sogyal Rinpoche's advice of just meditating for 5 minutes everyday. He said it's better that we have a good 5 minute meditation than a horrible 10 minute meditation. And from there, we develop ourselves.

I followed the Vajrayana meditation technique. Where I chant mantras during my meditation. It's the classic Tibetan mantra of "Om mani padme hum", which is the mantra of Avalokitesvara, the Boddhisatva of compassion. Or the mantra of Padmasambhava which reads "Om ah hung vajra guru padma sidhi hum". And I find chanting mantras a great way to keep your mind focused. My mind wasn't running wild anymore. And I realised that my meditation duration increased day by day.

I also tried Samatha (calm-abiding) meditation in which I focused on my breaths. Special thanks to Mindah Lee Kumar (The Enthusiastic Buddhist) for helping me in this meditation through her videos on YouTube! You can check her channel out here. I really love this technique because it also helped me to focus my mind and really helps to calm myself down. Especially when I'm feeling crappy.

Although most of the time, I practise the Vajrayana meditation technique.

As for how I meditate, well I just simply sit cross-legged on my bed (sorry no other place to sit on haha). Closed my eyes and just calm my mind down first. This would probably take about 3 minutes? And then I begin chanting and chanting, up to a point where I (somehow) just quieten myself down, and just mouth the mantra without a sound. And then to a point where I just simply... Kept quiet.

I think the chanting is sort of a vehicle that brings my mind to a quiet and focused state. 

I've been meditating at 10 minutes a day now (sometimes longer, and more than once a day). And well I kind of feel different. Not sure how to really explain it. I remember the words of Sogyal Rinpoche too. He mentioned in the book how meditation practice (or Buddhist practice in general I think) is not an A to B practice, where we expect "results" after doing it for a certain amount of time. In fact we have to do it throughout our lifetime. And hopefully carry it on to the next life. So if you expect to become a Buddha after meditating for 3 months, a year, 10 years, and so on, I suggest you don't :P

What I truly agree about meditation is that it really trains your mind. I've always believed that our mind is a very very powerful thing in this world. You feed it with things, and it will become those things. And in our daily life, our mind is constantly being fed with a lot of things. Good things, bad things and so on. And without training, these things can just grow into beautiful and scary things without our conscience!

After meditating for a year, I asked myself a question:

Are we truly aware of what we do, say and think? Because if we do, we'll be the happiest person on earth. We know what to do, say and think to avoid all the unhappiness and suffering of this life.

And judging from the unhappiness level in life around me, I am pretty sure we are not aware.

So yes I finally understood why my uncle and the books say that mediation trains our awareness. By being aware of our thoughts during meditation, we're training ourselves to be aware of our thoughts when we're not meditating. And when we're aware, we know what to say, and not to say, and hence what to do and what not to do. It truly feels enlightening coming into terms with this hah.

I kind of realised too that when there's a problem, or when I feel really crappy, I naturally ask myself. Is what I'm thinking useful? Is what I'm doing of any good use to myself and others? I know being angry doesn't solve anything. So I usually stop being angry about things. Also the practice that we are aware of how our thoughts come and go, taught me that your feelings and emotions also come and go. So don't cling onto them. It doesn't do any good to you.

I truly enjoyed meditation. It is something I look forward to every day. When I'm really really busy, I will try to fit even a 5 minute meditation. But so far I've set aside some time in my day to meditate so... It's all good. Oh I've also been chanting sutras! Been doing it for 9 months now and I also feel that chanting sutras is a great meditative process as well. In fact, the late Venerable Dr. H. Saddhatissa Mahanayaka Thero, said that almost all Buddhist practices are nothing else but some form of meditation.

Or well when you think about it, every religious practice is a form of meditation. In some way.

Of course I'm so far of becoming a master in meditation. I know how some meditation master can actually "meditate" when they're walking, eating and so on. It's because their minds are so trained that they are in a "meditative" state of mind all the time, in which they are aware of everything. And that's my goal I suppose? I don't want to be like some super awesome person who meditates perfectly. I just want to continue to train my mind, so that I can be mindful in everything I do, and hopefully help others alleviate their suffering. Because we're unaware, that we are the creators of our suffering.

Right I'm going to stop here. I really recommend you to make meditation a new practice to carry into the new year. You don't have to be a Buddhist to meditate. Just sit down and focus on your breathing. Or you can also chant your favourite religious (or anything really) saying/line/mantra etc. It's fine.

To end this post, I just want to remind you of something.

Never believe that your thoughts, feelings and emotions are citizens of your mind. 

They are nothing but visitors of your mind that come and go away. 

PS: These are just my thoughts and opinions about meditation. Do read up more about meditation if you wanna know more about it! Even up till today I'm still reading lots of articles about meditation haha. But if you wanna ask me any questions feel free to do so :)