Clouds of Sunday

Hello people, back to blog. Hmm let me see what happened today. Chem SPA, screwed it big time, I hope I'll do well. And had rehearsal again, and sucked big time again. And it rained! oh how cool. It's been like a thousand years since it last rained on this lonely planet of mine lol. Drama.

Rehearsal was alright I guess, wait no, it sucks. Mr Tan, who is also an ex-band member, from TSMB and PJC band which is a GWH band (when he was there), went to use just now to tell us things. Well yeah he told me I'm super sharp, and that I'm very soft. I couldn't agree less with him, I do feel I'm out of tune and I'm soft. It sucks, when he praised everyone except for my section. Well, Miss Portia told us not to take his comments negatively. And I'm trying.

As a musician myself (lousy one of course), I've finally decided to give my life for music for pure enjoyment. I don't wish to be a perfect musician, neither do I hope to be a world renowned musician. I just want to enjoy music. That's all. At the same time, I do realise there is a need to have a sense of proffesionalism in one. But yeah I am still in the process of achieving this.

I do wish one day I'll receive more knowledge of music and be a proffesional musician. I wish I can be a conductor. But I never wish to be the best for everything. I just want to enjoy music, that's all I want. But why do I feel so beaten up at times. It's ironic how I always think this way but yet I feel beaten up. Life is just ironic.

Sometimes I feel confused and puzzled. It's hard. People pushed you to achieve perfection but you can't achieve it. You give your best shot, and people are not satisfied. This feeling sucks, to anyone I believe. I keep telling myself to take things on a brighter side but it's just tough, I guess I'm just too "soft" in a sense of handling thiese stuff.

It's tough, it's hard to put it in words to describe what I'm feeling then and now. Today isn't a good day for me, I wonder when there'll be a better day for me. Maybe it'll come, maybe it won't.
But I know it'll come, one day.

I wonder, who am I actually?