Clouds of Sunday

Sometimes I wonder, whether I'll be there someday.

Hey, I'm not going to blog anything about today. But I would rather blog what I'm feeling currently. But today was fun, thanks SC's and a good news, I AM going for the camp :)

Sometimes I wonder, what I will be, what's my future, what will tomorrow be, what will me in 10 years time be. How about my future, my wish, my hope, my dreams, my aspiration, what I want to do, what I will love doing.

How about the past? Does it just go and go by? How about the present? Is it just telling me that the past is gone and now it's time to brace the future? Even though it may be as bitter as the present? I'll never know what's going to come. Neither do I know of my future.

Sometimes I wonder. Why can't I be like everyone else. Why can't I be a normal 16 year old boy, doing what a normal 16 year old does, doing what I love doing, but why? It's never fun. The worst thing is, I don't know who's at fault. I don't have the heart to blame anyone. I don't have the heart to say it out loud. I don't have it. I don't.

It's so hurtful to hear it, to see it, to feel it. I can feel it just by listening. I can see it even thought you're not here. I can even foresee it. I blame myself and you're blaming me as well. In an indirect manner. So who's fault is it? No one knows.

I feel like crying whenever this happens. Not on the outside, but inside my heart. It's just so pain, pain, excruciating pain. And no one can feel it. Please. And the future? Oh God, I wouldn't even dare to look. Sometimes I wonder, are you really you? Am I really I?

I just wonder and wish, one day I'll be who I am, who I want to be, who I should be, where I want to be, doing the things I want to do. I'll just wait, and wait, I guess. It's just a matter of time, perhaps, or will it take an eternity? No one knows for sure.

It's painful, I know. It is.